Mock. Mockmockmock. Mockity-mock-mock

12:37pm: fanfic is just WRONG.
I thought I might leave this little wank here (apologies if it has already been linked), I'm sure it's going to explode in interesting little ways.

If you write fanfic, please stop. It’s wrong, it’s wrong, it’s wrong. You’re not only committing a crime, you’re performing an act of negligent ethics. If you truly respect the original author, then don’t steal his ideas.

2:41pm: Refreshing, zesty wank.
Did I say zesty? I meant "stinking of Hero Clix".

MAD MAD MERLIN doesn't like Watchmen! Other posters suggest he finish reading it before making a full judgment upon it. Still others say he's right and that Watchmen sucks. Yet others provide mini-Tolkiewank and mini-conservative-vs.-liberalwank. A subset of the first group of others notes that it's always in vogue to hate on stuff just to be contrarian, and that said behavior is stupid.

Then MAD MAD MERLIN leaps back into the wank he lubed everyone up for.

This is a very dangerous idea you have there. You are saying that anyone who diagrees with the majority is stupid and wrong. It is the right of every person to express their whether you agree with it or not. It is easy to go along with the crowd. Where would this country be if Rosa Parks had not refused to give up her seat on that bus a long time ago? It takes a lot of balls to go against the grain.

FUCK YES, D00Ds.

God, it's like a microcosm of penis, these comic nerd boards.

6:58pm: Lord, forgive me for what I am about to do.
But it's just too fucking funny to resist.

Remember Victoria Bitter? Sure ya do! After all, when someone becomes possessed by the spirit of Merry the hobbit, starts babbling in tongues, fakes her own death, convinces numerous people who really ought to know better that she's "Jordan Wood" (in other words, Elijah Wood, complete with a magical gender-switch that, according to her besotted partner in folie-á-stupid, OrangeblossomB the webmistress of the Bit of Earth fansite, included actually physically growing a dick) that's a person who's made themselves pretty goddamned unforgettable.

And now s/he is back! First on the side of a milk carton, then busted for identity theft. (The relevant post is about halfway down the page, by "Turimel".

The suckers sheep Bit-of-Earthers are stunned and shocked to find out that their pal "Mister Frodo" was A) a woman pretending to be a man, B) a woman pretending to be a man pretending to be Elijah Wood, C) a woman pretending to be a man pretending to be Elijah Wood pretending to be Frodo, D) the sole beneficiary, along with Orangeblossom, of quite a bit of the money the site raised through various charity events.

I have the feeling that this one is just going to get better, because wank involving Victoria Bitter is never less than operatic in its scope. Mean-spirited, I sit back and enjoy.

EDIT: If you want the Cliffs Notes background to this sprawling epic o' splurt, the lovely mpoetess has done an absolutely masterful job of recapping the whole ginormous bewildering tangled thing: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, and Part Five.

It's like the Citizen Kane of wank. It's just so beautiful. *stares*

EDIT 2: No, I don't know for sure whose identity she's being charged with stealing. Right now my money's on Elijah Wood, since one of the "charity events" was supposed to have Elijah as a celebrity guest and solicited donations and sold a bunch of tickets on the strength of that. (And this is, after all, the woman who introduced herself to Sean Astin as Jordan Wood, and then roped him into being the -- very perplexed -- go-between for her "marriage proposal" to Orangeblossom.)

10:21pm: The Twelve Days of Wankmas
Brought to you by The Hive Vaginas: darkrose, helens78, kyuuketsukirui, telesilla and texta.

Happy/Merry Non-Denominational Winter Holiday of your choice.

( *clears throat and plays note on the pitch pipe* )