Mock. Mockmockmock. Mockity-mock-mock

1:36am: Idol politics. It's like wank, in a way.
Soooo ... Kelly Clarkson lost World Idol to a plumber from Norway with, according to one of the judges, "the voice of an angel and the face of a hobbit".

Which, as you know, is all about politics.

"How much are you willing to bet they invade Norway next week?"

"Come one people wat did Aretha teach us?"

And icons, naturally. This thread alone manages to include:

australian was a penal colony, sure. only way it can go is up. america was founded as a religious utopia, only way it could go was down. and by the looks of it...

Have a nice life in your beautiful country, I'm going to have a wonderful night in my nice little American house, having sex with my wonderful American fiance

oh, college? is that the american term for 'make our mummies and daddies pay for pen and paper and teacher while we have unprotected promiscuous sex and get stoned'?

2:56am: Poppy Z. Brite versus her fans
I thought long and hard about posting this wank as it's my first time. Nevertheless, this one's going to explode pretty soon, if not by the time I've finished writing this.

Poppy Z. Brite is a former horror writer, who's a lot like Anne Rice in that the more you know about her, the less you want to read her books.

And then... Miss Brite finds a community sort of named after her which mixes childfree-ers and yaoi/slash lovers, two of the most explosive materials known to fandom. So she makes a post to it questioning the adoption of a childfree identity. Our lovely mod Kwobtchan tells her she's off-topic while all Miss Brite can do it whine about how this proves she's not one of the "Cool Kids". I recall there being a F_W law about that...

I bet you've never heard of this community before, right? Nor had most people, so this wank would have died, if only Miss Brite hadn't (within minutes of posting and receiving replies, no less!) written about it in her journal. The "Cool Kids" analogy is mentioned yet again.

Have fun! :)

5:02am: More from the wonderful world of comic feeds.
My first F_W post. w00t. So be gentle. Or something. Yeah.

Aaah, comic feeds. When you get right down to it, they're almost Old Faithful in their ability to generate wank and/or stupidity. In this case I seem to have sparked it all through no real fault of my own. Earlier tonight on ye old Calvin and Hobbes feed someone (conuly) asked to use my dancing Calvin icon and I said sure and thought nothing of it. Later in the evening I check the comments on the Foxtrot feed and see that conuly has commented there as well. I post a joking little thing about not expecting to see the icon again so soon. All in good fun and all that.

And there the wank/stupidity begins. patty_duke who is giving off "troll" vibes from his/her initial comment already decides to stir things up a bit more. Watch as he calls me a furry and puts words in my mouth to the effect that I was accusing them of stealing the icon. Someone who subsequently deletes their post responds to this and we're off to the races. patty_duke whips out the "I wasn't talking to you" defense in response to the deleted post. theseloadedlips tells patty_duke to chill out which goes over as well as can be expected with patty_duke going into "WTF?" territory with their insults, which reasonably gets an eye-roll in response. Obviously being defeated in this deadly battle of wits, patty_duke calls in the hefty reinforcements in the way of his equally dim friend chr15 who wins "Stupid Comment of the Thread" award with this classic "i have no control over my intelligence, even less than your control over your name. you sir are just plain rude.". Alas theseloadedlips is sucked into feeding the wank even more, though at least he has a somewhat more amusing way of entertaining even while feeling the trolls/morons.

The wank is small now, but it has a bit of potential.

4:10pm: My first wank!
It's a mini-wank, but I have high hopes for explosive growth. I also wanted to get it in before parts started disappearing. ;)

Now, many of you know that XF fandom isn't the hotbed of high-quality wank that it once was. However, one topic is sure to bring the wank every time: The Spooky Awards. Sure enough, the annual winners were announced this week, and before we knew it, the wank, small though it may be (so far), had begun!

It started on a new set of message boards with a series of posts (now its own forum!) from several authors bringing forth allegations of cheating and naming several authors who won awards. The discussion crosses over on another message board, where the wank originator posts a link to the previous message board, and two of the accused authors visit and are rather taken aback by the charges.

Ahhh, awards wank is just sooooo predictable ...

ETA: Now the owner of the first message board has posted to the second message board bitching about the bitching. Hell, I'd better just link to that entire thread, because I'm betting there'll be more. ;)

5:00pm: Wanktionary? Answer is: No.
Edit: There is no post here. It is all in your mind. Please move along -waves- byebye

I've been asked to post about this after the topic came up in multiple threads. If this needs to be moved or deleted just give me the word.

We keep seeing the questions about what an abrreviaton stands for or what a sockpuppet is, plain ole journal FAQ stuff, and newbies wondering about the history of in jokes. I have the time and have offered to make a site and/or journal for the answers to these questions and the space has been offered by Zee but there are differing opinions. So I'm bringing it to you.

If I do this site I'll have a my journal used for posting questions, answers to those questions, definitions, histories ect. (if not a new community on the side to keep things cleared up) I would like to have a list of all the wank related communities and I'd eventually try to index parts of Jurisimprudence. Also if certain things should be left out, the protest will be there too. Don't want people understanding dead from coke? Then we won't post it. Point is the content would be set by the wank communities for the wank communites. And even before that I'm asking you if we want/need this site.

8:55pm: Okay, the iheartnotbob community is officially one of the wankiest things I've ever seen. O.o;;

10:57pm: Harry Potter rides again...
... and is likely to keep doing so, as "the end" has been declared a pretentious and immature way to finish a fic. Possibly this is a cunning ruse to force authors to write neverending WIPs, or possibly someone's just a little over-zealous about their pet peeves.

This evening's wank is brought to you by the SBRL list, a community dedicated to the great and noble cause of getting Sirius Black and Remus Lupin into bed at every opportunity. Joining is required to read the messages; it may or may not be worth the effort, but anyone already a member might want to take a look.

Initially, the wank comes almost entirely from one alfirin kirinki, who's finally HAD ENOUGH:

( Only five-year-olds finish a fic with THE END. )

( No, look, I'm a Sagittarius, so that makes it okay for me to bitch about this, and everyone should really be doing as I say. )

Varying responses, all reasonably polite, fail to drive the wank to any astounding heights - although alfie does quite well on her own in almost every post she makes - but then we get onto that good old standby of mailing list wank...

( You people sicken me, and I'm TOTALLY out of here. )

Others jump ship with her, slinging out metaphors right, left and centre about greener pastures and fleeing to the LJ hills, and automatically doing their credibility some serious damage. The OP and friends pour scorn upon their heads, or something.

The whole thing is given a certain WTF? factor by the realisation that this list has frequently avoided flamewars over BDSM, non-con and bestiality in the past. I guess it's the little things that finally do it - like when someone takes an axe to their husband for picking his nose...

Update: ( Tell me we have a law for this. )

11:54pm: If You're Gonna Dish It Out...
The Protector of the Plot Continuum, or PPC, is a forum that critiques bad fanfiction, and sometimes has self-insert stories about hunting down and extermination Mary-Sues to restore the proper plot.

The Godawful Fanficition Board (or GAFF) discusses bad fanfiction.

On GAFF , someone finds a badfic from a PPCer. One of the commentors is also PPCer.

A couple days later, the PPCer announces She's Leaving Forevermore,Because She Was Stabbed In the Back!