Mock. Mockmockmock. Mockity-mock-mock

7:26am: little Foxtrot wank
Today's comic on foxtrot_feed features Roger making ninja noises because he's wearing a black belt. Johnnywar decides that it's about epilepsy and takes offense.

In all honesty, he's a troll, based on his second comment ("I imagine a lot of epileptics will be having fits over their morning papers") and the general weirdness of it all, but some people have taken him seriously and tried to argue.

Also, this comment thread is a thing of beauty: "It's not often you see someone say 'I think that this episode of Pokemon will show you how corect your ex-roommate was.'"

Fairly harmless, yet amusing enough at 7am. I'm just sorry I missed all the fun.


This is my first wank... be gentle?

2:20pm: HP wank
What can possibly be worse than Harry Potter and IMDb wank?

( Harry Potter IMDb wank - the blond leading the blind )

2:29pm: World of Daftness
Hooboy. I don't know how wankerific this is, but Mariagoner prodded me to post something, so here we are. I post down on the Ex Libris Nocturnis forums, which are dedicated to White-wolf's Storyteller system, and it's World of Darkness (soon to be blowed up) setting primarily. Anyway, this is a Mage wank.

http://www.nocturnis.net/forums/index.php?s=4b4ad59da64c55ec5535a7bddd86f8e8&act=ST&f=4&t=6687&st=0

This is actually the umpeenth million incarnation of the same old wank. Some basic backstory for those who don't know anything about Mage: the Ascension; the third-ranked World of Darkness game in terms of popularity, behind Vampire: the Masquerade and Werewolf: the Apocolypse. In first edition Mage, there were the Traditions, and they were good. Goody good. The Traditions are made up of nine different types of wizards/mages/shamans/true believers/witches/druggies/madscientitists/Neo-wannabes, with a couple whiny goths and misunderstood artists thrown in for good measure. They want a number of things, but they're primarily the protagonist group in the game. They represent the balance between the Nephandi (mages who want to see the World and everything in it get destroyed, either permanently or to jumpstart the Wheel of Ages, but that's a whole 'nother topic), the Marauders (who believe in ultimate chaos and freedom, and want to do whatever the Hell they want, with a few trying to turn the entire World upside down), and the Technocracy (scientists rather than mages, who believe in order and Pattern, and are responsible for the World as it is now, more or less). Now, the other two have their parts to play, but really the big boys of Mage are the Technocracy. They're more powerful than all the others thrown together, they have the numbers, they have the Sleepers (that's us, everyone who's not a Mage) more or less on their side. In First Edition, they were presented as essentially cardboard villains, the bad guys who wanted to crush individuality and freedom and imagination and puppies all for their sadistict greed and need for power. Eventually, the developers of the game got to thinking about it and decided they actually liked the core concept of the Technocracy (guardians of humanity who brought about the rise of science and reason), and by the tail end of Second Edition and right before Revised, they started turning the Technocracy around, back from cheesy bad guys in fedoras and black sunglasses into the defenders of humanity. They did too good a job, and basically ended up making the Traditions look like ineffective, archaic throwbacks trying to plunge the World into the dark ages, and the Technocracy like the noble, long-suffering, ultimately righteous bringers of order and a superior means of living. Then at some point into Revised, they realized they went too far, and have since been trying to juggle the Traditions and Technocracy back and forth, in the process making them look more like reluctant allies than the enemies they used to be. At any rate, because there IS a major break in the continuity of flavor and, in some cases, history of the metagame caused by this, periodically Mage fans will engage in long flame wars about who's "really right". Both sides are really right, simply at different times in the game's history, and neither really has any new argument or revelation to bring to the table, so the argument generally ends up looking something like this;

"The Technocracy are bastards."

"No they're not, they protect humanity."

"But they crush imagination."

"But the Traditions just want to go back to the Dark Ages."

"Oh yeah? Well, the Technocracy are bastards."

"No they're not, they protect humanity."

"But they crush imagination."

"But the Traditions just want to go back to the Dark Ages."

"Oh yeah? Well, the Technocracy are bastards."

"No they're not, they protect humanity."

"But they crush imagination."

"But the Traditions just want to go back to the Dark Ages."

rinse, wash, repeat.

3:19pm: You know, for such a seemingly normal little guy, Billy Boyd sure does have some wanky fans.

Since last week, when I posted the whole Don't Sully Dom and Billy's Friendship wank, the wank has just kind of exploded at his little LJ community.

Last week, sometime before a few members of the Fellowship left for the Return of the King premiere in Japan, Billy did an interview on KIIS FM, wherein he was asked if he was married or single. The question has been the cause of much furor over the past several weeks, ever since some little twit at the IMDb posted that she heard he was getting married and quitting acting for music. I can't seem to find that post now though.

Then he went to a strip club with Elijah Wood after an awards show. Which amused the hell out of me, but other girls (*cough*MsA*cough*) were offended, and a few of the fangirls over at the LJ community assumed that he and his girlfriend had broken up.

Anyway, to get my train of thought back on track, Billy is interviewed and is asked "Are you married? Single?" Since he's not married, he said "Single." Post here. There's some brief discussion about the true meaning of the word single, which as far as I define it, means "Not married." Several people point out the meaning, to no avail. *shrug* The wee fangirls don't seem to like this meaning, and take it as the girlfriend is no more.

So, the lads take off for Japan, and do a press conference.

Billy is asked during the press conference of his marital status. This time he says that he has a girlfriend and doesn't even look at other women. Again, people try to be the voices of reason, to no avail.

This is capped off by a post in the newly un-deleted journal of Sammy, the creator of the site Boydism (remember her?) The girl who honestly believes that she and Billy were going to fall madly in love at the TORN party. Post the first and post the second.

This is truly making my head hurt.

What's the adage? Love me, fear my fans?

Someone needs to make Boyd a t-shirt that says that.

Edit: Fixed the link to Sammy's second post.

Edit the second: She friends locked her posts.

3:33pm: Fanficrants Wanks On About Shota
Ah, good ol' FanficRants. The rants are often good fun in and of themselves, and even when they aren't, there's usually good wank to be gotten out of it.

For example, here's a rant about shotakon and how liking it means you're a 'peadophile.' Or maybe it doesn't -- maybe you can like shota but not be a pedophile, but still, shota should be "labeled as what it is" so you feel suitable shame about reading it. Or whatever.

The resulting commentary wank delves into a great many issues -- the credibility of statistics quoted on talk shows, how precisely you have to 'like' shota fics to be a pedophile, what the smutfic you enjoy says about you (or, "if you get turned on by femslash and you're a girl, are you a lesbian?"), physical and mental "childhood" in shota, and whether everyone really wants to do what they fantasize about. Sadly, in all these weighty issues, the correct spelling of "pedophilia" is never discussed.

Caveat wanker: this is, for the most part, reasonably well-contained, and actual snarking at each other happens rarely. Still, this is fairly impressive and intricate wankery.

5:04pm: No more XF Haven?
So the Haven's domain name has expired. Some refugees are bemoaning their fate I mean wanking about the loss of their home here

They are even talking about raising money to pay for a the domain name and a server. Meanwhile they can't even raise enough to pay for a lame ad in the Hollywood Reporter to beg FOX for a second movie.

If I had more time and talent I'd love to buy the domain and set up a website spoofing all of XF fandom.

Or maybe I'll let COW and her pals know about it and let them take over. That would be all sorts of fun.

Also as an update to an older FX wank, it seems that Hester found us!

Quick, if you like slash - run!

5:22pm: Knitting Wank
Long time lurker, first time poster, sorry if I get this wrong.

The knitting community is usually pretty quiet. Today, it was in rare form. A member of the community posted about begining a novice knitters community for beginners. One of the mods took offense.

A member spoke up and was replied to by the mod. The member dared to call people knitting Nazis and the mod took offense

Polls are conducted.

Statistics are analyzed.

Geeklet chimes in on how to use Google.

It just keeps going and going. I personally found it hysterical that people could get this worked up over such minor things.

Enjoy.

7:38pm: When Friend Whores Go INSANE
So, once upon a time there was a little journal with a big, big ambition: to see how many friends it could attract in as short a period of time.