Mock. Mockmockmock. Mockity-mock-mock

3:10am: Mm... Est Wank...
I never post here, damn me for succumbing. But.. but it's establishment wank. C'mon, someone even pulled out the Kettle to call it black!

you have officially been persecuted

I'd post some witty play by play here and links to everything everywhere, but frankly I can't be arsed to as Est wank seems to propagate itself at rates of speed which would astonish even Stephen Hawking. Go, and gaze in wonder as the laws of physics fall to the power of the wank. Faster than the speed of light, I tell ya.

7:51am: Perhaps Not-Bob has become a taboo subject here... that's the only explanation I can think of as to why this has not yet been posted. Feel free to delete it.

You guys will remember that when pottersues decided to pick on a fic with about 3000 reviews and many angst-ridden fans, she attracted a few trolls. I confess to having participated in the poking of them, and it was mostly me she was pissed off at when she disabled the comments - I'd been her ear to whine in during the first Not-Bob mess, so yeah, I probably should have kept my mouth shut. So when antipottersues magically rematerialized, I decided to steer clear of it and avoid temptation.

Then tviokh said something rather odd to me in a comment, and then pottersues informed me that if I were the one committing some unnamed sin, she was going to kick my ass... so I figured I'd better find out what was going on.

antipottersues had by this time run afoul of the TOS again (or something), but fortunately, the fine people in iheartnotbob were kind enough to save her entries. It begins with a collection of typical, if abnormally coherent, Not-Bob-isms. The comments haven't been saved, but I gather people were not convinced this was the same Not-Bob they knew and lesbian-loved. And then she finally reveals that nefarious plan she kept talking about - it seems her evil plot was to pretend that she was pottersues and the whole thing was just a publicity stunt. I have to admit, that's a better evil plan than I expected of her. Too bad she was totally incompetent about pulling it off.

The part that really made me laugh, though, is this little thread in iheartnotbob. Seems not only did she claim she was pottersues, one of her other personalities apparently thinks it's me! There must be someplace where I can put 'has been impersonated on the internet' on my resume.

Oh, and as long as we're discussing wank in iheartnotbob, there's always this. I'm not sure if it's real or not, but the members think it is, and as the poster locked comments, they mock it over here instead.

10:06am: Anon Wank Central!
o/~ Wank... of ages... o/~

Back in March of 2003, after the opening FMV sequence for the Japanese version of Final Fantasy X-2 hit the net, I went and found the lyrics to the song, real Emotion, translated them, and posted them to my portal_o_normal community.

Now, say what you will about the game. It's not my place to tell you what to like and what not to like. And so I don't. I don't say anything about the game itself in my post, AT ALL.

( Any yet almost one full year later, the wank still sprouts... )

[ Contains POSSIBLE MAJOR SPOILERS for FFX/FFX-2 ]

We've got a bunch of anons here, none of whom apparently know how to REPLY to things properly, wanking philosophical about the pros and cons of Final Fantasy X versus Final Fantasy X-2, hotly debating why one or the other either is or is not teh_suck.

The result is a long, perpetual, repeating, erm... 'thread' (can it even be called that?) full of netspeak, flames, stupidity, and much, much, much wank and pointlessness.

My big question is: how are these wankers even finding this damn thing?

4:27pm: Beware the Fandom of the Opera...
Actually this one's pretty old, as I usually steer well clear of Phantom of the Opera message boards.

Background: A movie version of Andrew Lloyd Webber's musical is slated to come out in December; many fans are up in arms at his casting of Gerard Butler--who has almost no previous musical experience--as the Phantom over Michael Crawford, who played everyone's favourite masked psycho in the original production and whose spectacular voice graces the original cast recording. The only problem is that Joel Schumaker is shooting for a 'young, sexy' look, and Mr. Crawford is in his sixties and his voice and acting talent are deteriorating. Despite this, there is a large mob of angry fans who want him back.

Cut to the Musicals.net Phantom of the Opera message board, where GungaDin posts a thread in defense of Gerard Butler.

( Highlights )

7:36pm: Kill herongale if you think this is boring. She was the tiebreaker.

So. We have a musician. Ryan Adams. Formerly of a band called Whiskeytown, currently a soloist and drinkin' buddies with the Strokes. Ryan does not like being confused with Brian Adams. Ryan does not like a lot, to be honest.

What Ryan does like, apparently, is to get high and post on the Lost Highway Records messageboard. Or, at least, one day in April last year he did. (Zombiewank! Ew!)

The text of these posts is what follows. Unfortunately, it's a bit hard to slog through. If you ever wondered if celebrities were the BNFs of their own fandoms, though, it is QUITE worth it.

( i guess if im sounding vague its because i smoked an incredible amount of moroccan hash and its all dawning on me like that )

10:11pm: "Want me to draw a picture to better explain it? Maybe make a tutorial video? "
I've been searching around for wank concerning the casting of Keanu Reeves as John Constantine in the movie version of Hellblazer (that's being called simply Constantine) that's coming out this September. The last few weeks? Nothing...but I have finally found something. In the beginning, sadly enough, there was mostly agreement of the "OH LORD, NO!!!!" kind, but recently there's been some discussion at that favored spot of wank, IMDb:

http://imdb.com/title/tt0360486/board/nest/1207890

And here are some choice bits sampled here for your amusement. I'm just sad I couldn't get more because a good chunk has been taken out by the mods there.
( Guess Ebert's screwed then... )
( Threats of suicide... )
( Let's insult everyone! )
( and a response to the insult )

Sting, Ewan MacGregor, James Marsters (who's name is mispelled at least four times in various posts), Tim Roth, Johnny Depp, Mickey Rourke, Keifer Sutherland, and other actors wander in and out of the discussion, being dismissed as too old, too young...and sometimes there's a lovely argument over what country they came from. Add in a minor discussion on Highlander, Patrick Stewart, and some mournfully deleted hate, and you can't help but TRIP over the fun.

11:27pm: Smallville mini-wank
A while back, the Devoted Fans Network put a copy of the script for the Smallville episode Shattered (which is considered to be one of, if not THE best episode of the show). A bunch of fans pool their money to buy a copy. They are out-bit at the last moment, and decide to buy a copy of Perry instead.

For some reason, DTS sends out a copy of the deleted scenes from Shattered as well, making all those that received the script very happy. One of those people, Smallcondo, posts transcripts in her journal.

However, the owner of the script shows up, and she is pissed.

Still a pretty minor wank at the moment, but WindDancer's behavior is amusingly inexplicable.