Mock. Mockmockmock. Mockity-mock-mock

12:35pm: Old Wank is sometimes the best wank...
I spent some time in the Gaian memorable threads section today, and found this little gem of tenny-bopper wannabe pagan wankology. It begins with a grammar and spelling defunct "native american/celtic/pagan herb witch who worships the hawaiian pantheon" (her own statements in thread, not mine) named Jenna_sunsetgoddess declaring her religion in badly written, punctuation-free posts.

t3h w4nk b3g1nz with various posts about how her spelling and grammar sucks from the offensive side, and from her defence come posts about how "Gaia isn't school", and "I don't need to spell", but without as much punctuation.

Eventually the Official unrelated job credentials come out, in which it's proven Jenna is not only a celt/native/pagan/hawaiian/fruitcake, she's also a freaking model and an actress with real credentials and a talent agent and everything!!!11onetwoone!

It sprals on forever, with constant insults of everything, until eventually a supposed cuzin (their spelling, not mine) with equally bad spelling, grammar and pagan practices shows up, and claims her expertise is better than everyones in this little gem. As far as I've read, there's at least two other potential sockpuppets claiming to be her family, though a few of them may be sarcastic (which is a concept Jenna fails to understand within the first few pages of this beauty).

Ah, classic Gaia, you never fail to astound me.

Minor Edit: Found this lovely bit later on, wherein the cuzin officially disowns her own family members for the purpose of "redeaming her name", as her cousins are acting like morons and posting too late.

Second Minor Edit: All spelling and grammar mistakes in this post are satirical. Just be glad I didn't feel the need to post entirely in the methods of Jenna herself. XD

Edit the third: Okay, due to some demand, I've started a Gaian guild for the f_wers on Gaia. The name's tentative and I'm open to change on the whole damn thing..I just wanted it started. It's at this place if you want to join. :D

2:53pm: FAP interview wank
This was sent in by a lurker at FictionAlley Park who doesn't have a JF account. GwendolynGrace is shocked and horrified by the recent chat transcript, and tears JKR another asshole:

JKR sucks! I'm a better author than her, and this interview displayed her overwhelming stupidity!

But it was just a bit of harmless snark, really. And if you want me to go off and read great literature, why are you sticking around for a mere children's book?

Anyway, my version is cooler than hers.

Someone stick a pin in this girl's ego, ok? It might just pop and then we'd all be better off.

9:15pm: Dom Starts a Minor Fandom Apocalypse
Despite Tinhatters labeling Elijah as the Gay Messiah, it's Dom who's about to be crucified, and by his own most hardcore fans, which makes the whole situation that much closer to religious parable. Course, now that Dom has started a vertable Apocalypse in a small corner of the fandom, I'm sure there are former fans labeling him as everything from the First Evil to the Anti-Elijah (read that as you will, grotesque Tinhat double-speak firmly in cheek).

Way back in December, Best of Both Worlds announced that its LotR themed convention occurring next week would be highlighted by the appearance of Dom, Craig, and several other minor character actors from the movies (Jørn!), as well as two senior WETA designers.

The intervening months have seen much squeage in various places on LJ, most in a fans run community. Personally, I "know" several people who were going to this convention specifically to see Dom, some from as far away as the UK. People have, quite literally, invested thousands of dollars in this, between convention costs, airfares, accommodations, etc.

Yesterday, the shit hit the fan. Dom, offered a tv pilot by Disney that begins filming the same week, has canceled out. All within minutes, people are screaming, crying, drinking, and now making LJ icons that show their disgust. Not to be missed is the special snark that erupts when the con organizers announce they have gotten Joel Tobeck as one of the replacement guests they are casting around for. Who?!?, the peanut gallery seethes.

Well, I really do feel sorry for all these people who have invested quite a bit both financially and psychically in this. Also, I feel very, very sorry for Craig, in a weird way. He's about to walk into a totally hostile room next weekend, and have to try to give them their money's worth. Now, while I know what an absolute performer and enchanting man Craig is, I still think it's rather like Daniel in the lion's den (keeping with the Biblical imagery). Poor boy... I would hate to be surrounded by Dom fans on the edge, especially as most are now vacillating between, "Only Billy will do as replacement!" and, a la Salome, "Bring me Dom's head on a silver platter!"

Originally posted by Circestale on LJ, reposted to FW with permission.

9:27pm: Ah, Legacy of Kain wank....
Reporting back with some slightly older but apparently still going wank (even if slightly offtopic later on in the thread) from the Legacy of Kain fandom. :D

Recently, Amy Hennig (main writer for the LoK series since the beginning with Blood Omen) has decided to go forward with her career and leave the Crystal Dynamic Team.

It started out as a rumour, but it was quickly confirmed by Ben Lincoln over at the Nosgothic Realm Forum, one of the few people to actually in contact with Amy Hennig and some of the CrystalD team.

And it only goes downhill from there. There are mixed replies of well wishes, surprise, denial, outrage, to demands of an explaination from Amy herself. They also range from hoping that the new people at the helm of the series will do good, to people all but writing off the series completely. (Ah, gotta love over reactive fans...)

Some of the outraged comments are directed at the video games series she's going to working on now over at Naughty Dog, the Jak and Daxter series. Basically saying it's not good enough for her talent. Bah. (Which, I have no complaints about, as I'm a fan of both series and she'll do nothing but improve over Jak 2, even if on page 4 says that she's not writing the story. :p)

Over on the Legacy of Kain community on lj, it's definately not as wanky, but damn, do some people ever give up fast on a series as a whole.

11:23pm: OMG, I cannot believe they actually did this...
Remember the fake C&D... turns out they actually sent it to other people!

Dies Laughing.

11:30pm: Warming up for a POTC wank?
Someone inexplicably posts a rather wanky "Anyone who likes slash and hates het may well be a "fucking psycho"" rant in the Marysues community.

Highlights include the aforementioned sentence:

Look, if you like slash then fine. That's your thing. If you like slash so much to the point where you hate het then fine. You're a fucking psycho but whatever if that's your thing.

...and in the comments - let's pysically abuse fans of this pairing!

My thoughts on the rant? Turner and Sparrow should gang up on the Will/Jack 'shippers and beat him soundly with a large rock. Matter of fact, let's just have everyone from PotC take turns beating the Will/Jack 'shippers.

Wierdly enough, no-one's become particularly wanky in the comments...though I would have thought it'd only be a matter of time.

11:59pm: Children Are Cruel. Deal With It.
I'm not a member of the childfree community, but one of my friends is, so periodically I scan through there to amuse myself with horror stories of children misbehaving in public places.

As I read a horror story about a kindergarten teacher, I drifted down into the comments and saw the wank errupt.</i>

First, glorybox posts about a problem his mother is having as a kindergarten teacher: one of the girls intentionally craps in her pants to her attention. When the teacher confronts the child's mother, the mother protests that they shouldn't draw attention to it because the other children will tease her.

dawnsong says:Maybe if she drew attention to it and let the other kids make fun of her, she'd stop.

That comment sets off the wank as futuregirl shows up, complaining that childfree people are "child-haters" who want to abuse children.

Azraelle declares futuregirl a troll, futuregirl protests, and the wank begins, even including a dicussion of what a "truly childfree" person is, and of course... sockpuppets!

For someone who denies being a troll, "futuregirl" sure has a lot of accounts:
evilbitchnews
betterthandagny
bites_the_sun

~*Ariel*~