Mock. Mockmockmock. Mockity-mock-mock

12:05am: It's a Conspiracy! A C-O-N...spiracy!
I've donned full body armor and done some lurking at the official RubenStuddard.com message boards. Just in case y'all don't follow the Idol fandom, Ruben was the (some say dubious) winner of the second season of American Idol, but has since been outsold by the runner up, Clay Aiken, at a ratio of about 3:1. Ruben's also recently tried to launch a concert tour, which has been an embarrassing failure thus far. This on the heels of a successful Clay/Kelly Clarkson tour. I knew if I wandered over to his official MB, I'd immediately find bitter, bitter splooge. And they didn't disappoint!

Fun facts about the fan culture over there: They refer to Clay Aiken as **** because they don't want to see his name in print, they think Kim Locke, who placed third place in the competition and now lives with Clay, is a white-guy-worshipping sell out, and they generally just seem to exist in a huge river of bitter bile toward anyone remotely connected to the American Idol machine. It's a wank extravaganza! To wit:

Ryan Seacrest is an asshat h8er because he mentioned Clay and Kelly on his show and had the unmitigated GALL to not talk about Ruben!!!11!twelve!!

The Ruben board should be for RUBEN LOVE ONLY! If you do not LOVE Ruben, and if you can't show him respect then don't post on here on his fan board. It is that simple!!! posted by someone who has named themselves after a line of cheap haircare products!

Ryan Seacrest is only h8ing because he's mad that everyone thinks he's ****'s sorry homosexual gay luvah! posted unironically by someone named gaye carey!

ST3P 0FF!1!! Ryan is a sweetheart! After all, he supports Michael Jackson. Doesn't that say something? also posted unironically!

Check out the whole thread, all 40 wankadelic posts or so and see:

- The two or three "Can't we all just get along" types get accused of being sekrit jellis Ruben-hating ****mates
- Clay's fan base be characterized as consisting BOTH entirely of "old fat 50something cows" *and* "nothing but 5th-8th graders"
- Multiple jurisimprudence laws in effect, often within the same post
- Every other post typed all in caps and/or with complete disregard for punctuation and/or in l33tsp34k

Then, if you're really brave, you'll make it over to the rest of the board. *shudder*

9:16am: I couldn't make this shit up if I tried.
There's a new journal troll on LJ, and he/she/it (s/he/e/it?) is claiming to be JK Rowling.

Of course, she friended me and most everyone else who had an opinion in that kerfluffle about the chat.

It's not real wanky yet but I'm sure it will be. She does honour defriending requests but I friended her back because I think she is funnee.

The Gentleman never fails to amuse.

The Great Shipping Debate settled at last!

A dispatch from the Department of Mysteries!

I am cracking up.

10:07am: yawn.
Another journal troll. Only this one seems to have a Domlijah kink*.

Point, laugh, attempt to be scathing, post panties and slash, move the fuck on.

*kink as in twist, they've added quite a few tinhat/wanka people, not the fun stuff.

2:37pm: Is it wank if the show doesn't exactly exist yet?
I bring you future wank! Proof that you don't even have to have anything concrete, like a actual episode, to be wanked!

So, Dominic Monaghan has that pilot that he's filming for ABC called 'Lost'. The pilot script has been bought and they want the next six episode scripts too. Plus, with JJ Abrams at the wheel, it's unlikely to be a hideous flop, but I digress.

There's fan interest so Mcee sets up two communities for the show, one is for news and the other one is for fic of the rpf and fpf kind. This is of the good. She also posts a little note to a Dom/Orlando community she moderates as a heads up.

Wank ensuses. Garbarella gets all snitty and decides that Mcee has only set it up because she's trying to be the first one on the fandom bandwagon. Mcee replies and points out that not everything in fandom is a popularity contest and she's hardly holding a gun to their heads and making them join. Garbarella goes silent (for the time being). Then Autotomy chips in to say that she agrees and that Mcee is trying to force a 'Lost' slash community hierarchy on the fandom. Other people bring the smackdown on Gabarella and Autotomy in a 'wtfeth!? is wrong with fannish interest and who pissed on your cheerios?' way.

Because you know, heaven forbid you have fannish interest in an actor and might want to support any of their future activities by setting up somewhere to store news and any fanfic that pops up.

It's a small wank but it the possiblities of further wank are ripe if the fandom really kicks off.

3:29pm: FoxTrot mathwank!
I get the FoxTrot feed on my LJ, and this morning, this comic was posted. I shrugged as I'm not much for mat on my best days, and 7:30 this morning certainly wasn't one of those. But anyway, it shortly descends into wankiness about the math.

There is a Heinlein quote, and realadrian decides to throw their mathematical weight around here. Accusations of illogical behaviour, stupidity, and inaccurate mathematics abound.

It has been going on all afternoon, and promises to keep growing (exponentially perhaps...*g*).

(it's my first wank... be gentle.)

9:20pm: The CKYforums aren't the most intellectual places to hang out on the internet. Any place that discusses Jackass, Viva La Bam and it's ilk will not provoke thoughtful conversation (okay, so maybe once or twice).

But, in the spirit of Jackass, the CKYforums have a subforum dedicated to Home Grown stunters, skateboarders and film makers. And here's where the wank happens in a little topic called "Who Wants To See To Guys Kiss?"

Bias happens to find a group (named 'No Brains No Pain') who happens to feature two men kissing as one of their 'shocking stunts'. There's discussion about if the kissing was a good stunt (a resounding vote of no), why it's okay for girls to make out with each other but not guys, and then general chit chat. Things die down and everyone forgets about it.

That is, until Scott-NBNP shows up to defend his honor on page two. See, he and his friends did it on purpose to shock those homophobic guys out there.

Commence five pages of "Fag" "Am not! Homophobic!" "Am not! Gay!" "Am not!".

Link is not worksafe.