Mock. Mockmockmock. Mockity-mock-mock

3:32am: Americans Suck! I know, I'm Australian!
Mmm, Gaia Wank, how I love thee.

( Read more... )

Wank be here.

1:45pm: Billy Corgan - he's like Jesus, in a way.
Whatever I can do, I will, 'cause I want to... - Settle Down, Zwan

Billy, Billy, Billy. We all know that no one on the planet comes even close to your genius, but isn't money and fame enough for you?

Of course not, because now that he has billycorgan.com he has a public soapbox where he can preach about the wonders of God, squee over the cuteness of his kittens, and vilify his ex-bandmates.

First off, back in February, Billy decided to blame James Iha for the breakup of the Pumpkins. Spelling and punctuation is *all* his.

( James is a BIG MEANIE!!! )

A few days later, James Iha responds.

( Billy is a BIG LIAR!!! )

Now, I know they're both completely full of shit. Billy is an egotistical pain in the ass, who KNOWS he's a genius and won't ever shut the fuck up about it and James is a whiny, passive-agressive jerkoff. Both of them both like to play the martyr card. But c'mon - why does the rest of the universe have to be privvy to their sad ex-rockstar battles?

Things sort of blow over and the industry world gets quiet - until last week, when Billy decided the Pumpkins horse had been beaten to a bloody pulp, and it was high time to go after to go after Zwan.

( Zwan is IMMORAL!!!!! )

Of course, then David Pajo has to respond over on the Papa M messageboard (because he's not cool enough to have his own blog like Billy) and then the spooge begins to fly.

( Billy is a BIG MEANIE!!!! And he HATES ASIANS!!! )</i>

Woe, poor Pajo. He's hacked off that his cross isn't QUITE as tall as Billy's.

Isn't it nice to see that rock stars wank just like the rest of us?

3:24pm: It's mini, but it has the Strokes in it...
Julian Casablancas, the drunken RPS villiage bicycle epitome of prettiness if you don't count the rest of his band lead singer for the Strokes was asked to write an article about the Velvet Underground for Rolling Stone.

Said article was...less than good.

harnessyourchi posted this on thestrokes, commonly known as home of the crazy fawning fangirl, with the opening line "Feast your eyes on this literary masterpiece - it almost makes me embarrassed to be a Strokes fan."

radio_scratch also puts it quite well as "Wow.
You know how Julian said if he weren't a musician he'd be a writer?
Well, I'm really glad this whole singing thing worked out for him."

Most of what followed was pretty typical "Oh god, he didn't just write that" ramblings, but a few tiny shining gems of spooge peek through the embarassed rationality, including...

1. "They taught me just to be myself." That sounds like something fat girls say.

2. whats so bad about it? yeah, it sounds as if it were coming from a 7th graders notebook. But, just tell me, whats wrong.

3. I think Julian was just putting his feelings down in a way that everyone could understand. I mean, the people that read Rolling Stone. Or...say...The Strokes livejournal. He's smarter than probably anyone here believes him to be. Maybe "smart" isn't even the word. It's something beyond being smart. Attached seems more accurate. You people are fucking retards for saying he's an illiterate drunk...or whatever the fuck you hipsters say he is. Go listen to The Vines and keep quiet if you're gonna put my man Jules down. (Which has the addition of a following thread)

And, the one bit that raises this from just mildly funny to fall-down hi-fucking-larious...

Awwe. I think it is good. Of course, right now I am supposed to be writing an 8 page English paper due tommorow in which I might have 2 lines actually finished. :/

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's tiny. But go over, if only for the article itself, the two pages of comments, and strokette88's inexplicable ramblings about Britney's "Tigg'ole biddies."

3:29pm: Was there a wank going and I missed it?!
http://www.livejournal.com/community/seixsub/34555.html

A TB/X doujisnhii scanlation site. That's okay. So are the comments.

Then, why the hell does the next message in the comm say this?

My little site has apparently caused a huge controversy, names/lists withheld. Silly me for thinking it would be a good idea to share my doujinshi with other fans. I'm obviously an insensitive twit who needs to go commit seppuku to appease the doujinshi artists' massive emotional trauma for having their art stolen by the evil little gaijin.

I just don't see the logic this elist moral doujinshi fan routine. If hopping to your nearest bookstore and ordering all of AS-SPECIAL's djs were that simple, then I wouldn't need to make a site.

Can somebody tell me WTF happened between yesterday and today?

4:10pm: Geeeeze...
I love my fandom. Us crazy Grobanites can wank about anything!

For example: lexi_lou76's font is a very pretty colour. Tragically, it's also impossible to read. So rainbowdarling asks her to kindly change it, and wank happens.

Or here: ambyguity and fossemoves, apparently laboring under the delusion that others actually want to hear this, share their Josh fantasies. Responses are startlingly similar to reviews of Mary-Sue fanfics... since I suppose that's exactly what these are. And don't forget to check out ambyguilty's icon while you're there.

6:53pm: Finding RPGMaker wank is like shooting fish in a barrel, in a way. It's like half the scene is full of irritable curmudgeons and the other half is full of hyperdefensive newbies. At Rpg Maker Downloads, in particular, the regulars seem to have a constant bug up their butt.

That is, to say, they don't have a good reason sometimes. It does my grammar nut side good to see that grammar wank is just so universal. Actually, the wank wouldn't be half as amusing if it wasn't for the fact that it's about... well, writing in video games.

Somebody needs to give amateur RPG makers a sedative or something.

7:38pm: Leave it to Kevin, man
okay, so, i'm not a huge FW poster or anything, but this i thought belonged here.

i just love it when Real People-- Real Artists omg, even-- get down and boogie with the worst wankiest best of us.

it's just the one post, as i haven't actually checked the forum to see if further wankiness exploded or whatnot, but man, can Kevin Smith work it or what?

and it's not like I don't understand the guy at all either, but... make it to the last line, and see.

it made me think of MsA. that's good reason enough to share, yeah?

i know, i don't have a talent for funny posts. i don't capitalize either. ream me a new one, what do i care. the icon is worksafe, plplplplpl