Mock. Mockmockmock. Mockity-mock-mock

1:12am: Moore More Wank... or something.
Moorewatch is a co-owned blog dedicated to pointing out the factual errors and such of Michael Moore. It follows up on news stories and such about him, such as the time he threw a fit and abused staff members in a UK theater house because he didn't feel he was being paid enough, or the more recent bit of wankery involving Miramax and Disney.
Of course, the site has its share of visitors from the Moore-defense side of things. Rarely, they are intelligent and interested in actual debate. The rest are blatant trolls, and range from simply persistant and annoying, to abusive, to utterly nonsensical. Unfortunately, the Moorewatch maintainers are fairly dedicated to giving everyone their say, and a troll generally only gets banned once every four or six months, and it has to be for getting INSANELY annoying.
Seems that one of the new batch is looking to go for two in as many weeks.
The latest round of trolling occurs here, where one of the site maintainers makes his monthly request for donations to Mike Wilson, the man making a documentary about Moore called Michael Moore Hates America. This is a topic that never fails to bring out the rabid Moore-defenders, as many of them can't get past the title. (These exact same people will sneer if you point out that the Columbine killers didn't actually go bowling the morning of the shooting. Y'know, the premise that Bowling For Columbine gets its title from?)
( It is YOU who hates America, and where are the WMDs?! )

2:05am: Van Helsing Wankage. Mmm darkness and doom.
Fresh meat! My first wank.

Whenever I feel the need for a good wank, I just head on over to an IMDb message board and click a random link. There's bound to be something in there somewhere.
Today, I was not disappointed.

Van Helsing has been out for a few days now, more then enough time for some decent wankage.
wet_dog starts off my favorite wank thus far by pointing out the improbability of one of the action sequences in this movie. Despite the fact that he's arguing the logic of something in a movie with semi-automatic crossbows, he actually pleads a pretty good case. I can almost see the diagrams he drew to reference from.

( Long bit of Wankage to follow )

11:42am: Cosplayers have to be... SKINNY?!
Seris has opted to post a lovely display of pictures and reasons why those who are slightly "round" should not do cosplay at anime conventions.

http://www.livejournal.com/community/anime/3780333.html

It's just starting. Give it a few minutes.

2:00pm: When Fandoms Collide or BNF's Attack
Be kind, it's my first wank. Use lube.

The carnage started when EvilDrEm posted a little diddy on her lj to cheer up Laura. It goes like this:

La Fish
Your posts are full of hesitation
Sure makes me wonder
If you know what you're talking 'bout.
La Fish
I wanna keep my reputation
I'm a sensation
But what you post, leaves me in doubt.

Because, La Fish, I can google
And I can follow the same thread.
I can google,
Google woogle
You have no cred.

Oh, La Fish, I can google
Please shut up, you know your wrong.
I can google,
Google woogle
All night long.

[Chorus Repeat To Fade]

Oh, La Fish, I can google....

Sing along, everyone!

Only those involved in this little lovefest know what that is about, but the 'Fish, involved is none other than Leslie Fish, one of the original queen BNF of Star Trek fandom. Apparently she's left the haven of Trek for the craziness of Highlander and they don't like her much there. HL is not known for being kind to newbies, HP/LOTR fans should take notes on how to piss off newbies here.

Enter Jennie, she takes offense at the song and crap being posted about her Trek bud, Leslie and posts about it here. Wank ensues here and here.

The story behind this saga is that Tritorella threw Leslie Fish off her archive. Tritorella + EvilDrEm are friends = song/wank.
The original thread seems have been deleted off Tritorella's lj. But alas, I saved it. It is here.

The deleted reference of "Leslis Fish is no longer archived at the Freedom Fanfiction site. Her stories can now be found here." flys in the face of Tritorella's own ragings of deleted posts *shakes fists* in this post. Where she bemoans the fate of posts friends made about her in defense when nasty people talked bad about her.

As the wank moves to Tritorella's page, then back to EvilDrEm's page -you need a score card to keep up - accusations of stalking, spam attacks and virus bombing are thrown back and forth between the waring BNF's. Then out comes the big guns!

Jennie accuses Tritorella of having - GASP - sockpuppets! However, no one touches that accusation with a ten foot pole. See this as to see why no one disputes it.

The wank was continuing as I post this. It is Trek old geezers versus HL upstarts. May the best fandom win.

EDIT: This was sent to my inbox. It is a LJ post where Tritorella, now known to all as Sockpuppet Queen of All Fandoms, admits she created a bogus LiveJournal to mock a person named Jeylan (see below for more about Jeylan). Can we keep our trolls straight in this fandom?

EDIT #2: This wank took a left turn somewhere near Omaha and has not gotten back on course. What about Leslie Fish and Star Trek fans? **whines** But, I am flexible. TritorellaWank2004 has begun.

To the wanker who sent this gem to my inbox - you rock! I knew there was a good reason I listed my Email address on my Info page. Cuts from this could start a whole new wank. *wipes a tear away for the classic Trek wank that isn't to be, but glad Leslie Fish is still alive*

2:24pm: Let's all do the chan chan
Since our friend Harry Potter has been missing from Fandom Wank for a while, here we go:

idiotparade decides to rant about chan (underage sex) in [HP] fanfiction. From what I can tell of the long, convoluted ramble, she[?] only likes chan that she writes, and anyone else who writes it fails to include the consequences of said chan in their work. Not to mention she seems to have some difficulty in distinguishing "fantasy" from "reality".

A snippet:
Chan needs to deal with that lack of comprehension or understanding of what a child is doing. A lack of basic understanding about sex. Chan is about innocence and purity, in a way, but more it's about gullibility and developing sexuality. Or, it should be (Ed: You know, because creativity is bad. [/snide remark])[...]I can't think of a single chan fic off the top of my head that deals with the ramifications afterward, whether it's consensual or otherwise.

Some responses:
from spare_change: I don't think chan should be an "easy" subject, to read or to write, but I also don't think anybody should lecture me or you or anyone else about writing it.

musesfool: And fantasies are not *stories* and oughtn't be passed off as such. That's a function of bad writing.
Ed: I'm a tad confused. Aren't the majority of nonfiction stories "fantasies" in one way or another?

bugland (with my personal favorite):
OK, so you write chan. and your chan deals with the ramifications responsibly etc. but nobody else's does. er.'kay...


For me, the wankiness springs from the fact that the OP is telling the world what they can write.

Of course, some people agree with the OP, but what fun would those comments be? Not to mention that the OP's "co-writer" appears to be answering most of the replies...I guess the OP went on vacation after posting or something.

Is there a reason I'm reminded of fandom scruples?

New: our new friend, anti-fandomwank, has reported us to the OP! Please don your splooge suits immediately.

3:27pm: Politics and fandom = wank!
As soon as Fan_the_vote started getting pimped on my friendslist I knew it was only a matter of time before there would be some wank about it and I wasn't wrong!.

Not only is it stealing from the show creators to write fanfic for campaign contributions, but it's wrong because some of those show creators might be Republicans and here you are giving the money you stole from them to the Democrats.

Hopefully we'll get some stunningly wanky rebuttals to match it. *g*

EDIT: HOLD THE PHONE! This is way wankier! Oh dear Lord, thank you Ian McDuff for being completely batshit.

5:01pm: News Flash...
For those of you not in the know, LiveJournal won the [People's Choice] Webby.

No response from heidi8 yet claiming victory since, as we all know, LJ=FA.

And now back to our regularly scheduled wanking.

9:07pm: Who Wants to See Tom Felton Naked?
Hmm. Maybe, considering his fanclub stats, a better question is "Who doesn't want to see Tom Felton naked?"

The answer being, apparently, a group of people on IMDB.

It all starts when Ribbedforherpleasure posts a note on the Tom Felton messageboards, declaring that a user named KittenCaboodle is a sick stalker paedophile who is disturbing the PoA and GoF messageboards.

Ribbedforherpleasure:"I mean, she's the sort who actually would stalk these stars and beat up their girlfriends if she had a chance. She's also a mid-20-something woman wanting to have sex with a 16 year old boy, can you tell me that's not sick? That's just nasty! She can't even show her face (so to speak) on the Prisoner of Azkaban or Goblet of Fire boards because she creeped too many people out over there."

( Click here for summary. You know you want to. )