Mock. Mockmockmock. Mockity-mock-mock

1:18am: Sailor Wank
In the Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon community, Starrbeam posts a link to the newest torrent for the show here. Unfortunately for her, this had already been mentioned almost two posts ago!

Just so you know, this isn't because I'm bitter about not being able to download anime because I have a 56k dial-up and a 2hr timeout. Honest.

5:39am: Zelda? MORE LIKE CEL-DA! Oh, wait...
First wank. [Insert thinly-veiled reference to losing my virginity here].

I should get double wank points for this one. It's a wank about videogames, particularly the new Zelda, posted by Josh Lesnick. Not only is the subject matter wanky in and of itself, but Josh Lesnick is a virtual fount of spooge. Seriously, the man could wank on and on about any subject you could imagine.

A little background: Josh Lesnick is the creator of such Japanophile lesbian comics as girly and the ever-popular Wendy. He also runs a paysite for badly drawn comic porn known as Slipshine (VERY NSFW!!). You don't have to be beaten with the obvious stick to see that this man is very lonely, very angry, and very sexually frustrated.

To give you an idea of how batshit insane and pretentious this guy is, he insists that his name be written as josh l., with lowerercase letters and the period as PART OF THE SPELLING. For many a wank he has insisted that because he has been drawings webcomics for OH SO MUCH LONGER than those damn kids, he deserves admiration and love and respect and beautiful women falling at his feet, etc etc etc. I mean, Jesus, don't you know, it's not the quality of your work that counts, just how long you've been doing it!

So, a few days ago he mentions his dislike of the upcoming Zelda game. As you can see by his mood and music being "penis", he is truly articulate and well-versed. Mini-wank occurs.

So, of course, the logical thing for him to do is expound upon his ass-hattery. General summation of the post: WIND WAKER WAS THE BEST EVER. EVERYTHING ELSE IS JUST STUPID. I AM THE BEST EVER AND KNOW EVERYTHING, PLEASE SUCK MY COCK.

This causes a spiral of video-game wanking that is absolutely priceless. For your perusal are the choicest, most meaty bits...

Some idiots argue over video game theory, and manage to back up their points oh-so-well by insulting eachother's nicknames. The idiots eventually stop trying to uphold the facade of being mildly intellectual and just call each other tools for a while.

Also of particular interest is this thread, wherein these people prove that they will never, ever get casual sex. Ever. Uh, I mean, wherein they argue about which of the Final Fantasy games is OMG TEH MOST OSSUM!! But, really, it's the same thing, isn't it?

In the whole mix, only coyotecoyote and qwilman say anything remotely resembling sense. What this wank doesn't contain in trolling, it makes up for in sheer egotism and dork sparring.

EDIT: It should be noted I kid because I love. What I mean is, I am a video game dork at heart, I'm just not quite so anal as these guys. I'm harsh here, but only because my humour is rather harsh. I mean, this is fandom wank - it's part of my fandom.

It's also very possible some people may not find this wank as funny as I. It doesn't have very much trolling and anon stupidity as much as the passive aggressive "I have greater geek knowledge, thus my geek dick is bigger" attitude, wherein they basically insult eachother for having different preferences. That seems to be a common trait among gamers...

7:55pm: Stop the keyboards! Did you know that fanfic is "horrible" and "distasteful?"
(Note to self: Stop doing random LJ interest searches. You have enough to do with your life).

Over on LJ, there's a community called stopthefic. Its userinfo starts out this way:

Do you hate fanfic? So do we! We hate it, we think it is the worst atrocity since Barbra Streisand, and this community is for those of you who share our views on this unnecessary evil that is pervading our lives on a daily basis.

We're creative types who prefer originality in writing and we hate to see the creations of fellow artists and writers ruined by talentless individuals who place their original characters in disgusting or just stupid situations. Our basic motto: be original!!

Yes, because three exclamation points at the end of a sentence is a way to make people take you seriously.

I honestly am not sure whether or not this is a joke, but if it is, nobody's admitting it, and this introductory post is just too damn beautiful (and wanky).

Most of these characters are copyrighted, thus when someone posts stories all over the Web using the names and likenesses of these characters, they are probably doing something illegal, and definitely doing something distasteful.

So she couldn't be bothered finding out if it was actually illegal?

Then there's the story of how one person's life was changed for the worse by Elmo fanfic:

I came across what I assumed would be a clean, family-friendly, smut-free tribute to the furry red guy with the dainty orange nose, but no...it was...sorry, this is still so difficult to talk about...it was a form of muppet porn cleverly disguised with the name "muppet slash". Thinking that this was some sort of tribute to Elmo by Slash, the multi-talented guitarist formerly of Guns 'N Roses, currently collaborating with Scott Weiland in Velvet Revolver, I clicked on the link, and my innocence was instantly shattered.

Well, all right, that's a highly "original" interpretation of slash (and as Azzie the Anon says, this one's probably a troll). The rest of the posts and the rest of the community seem entirely in wank earnest.

I always thought that when people claimed to be traumatized by badfic it was, you know, a joke.

ETA: Oooh! Anonymouse tells it like it is!