Mock. Mockmockmock. Mockity-mock-mock

2:50pm: Because it had to be done.
fandom_wank is something of an unruly 100 headed monster that regularly devours its own offspring. That many heads can be hard to keep track of [insert bawdy Jasmin St. Clair joke here] especially if, for some reason there’s a mob of n00b heads still in the early stages of their development or vocal ones that are just plain stupid silly.

It hasn’t helped that we’ve had a few exercises in cannibalism recently, none of which demonstrated fandom_wank’s better qualities. Old wank is dug up and reposted; OT conversations spawn Son of OT sequels or metawank, and the whole ‘too lazy to put down the cheetos’ ideology is lost on a new wave of trolls. And so the Ouroboros democracy of fandom_wank marches on and 0ld sk00l wankas are frustrated because this territory seems, well, familiar.

The 200+ new members that flooded the gates during the Crystal Wank are blamed, and Rules are posted.

fwgreatesthits is created to end the “Victoria who?” questions.

There are locked posts, unlocked posts, Meta posts, rants about the state of the wank and a general nostalgia for the good old days. It doesn’t help, there still be suckage in the wank, and the locked posts of DOOM continue.

Someone creates a 1337 community, ostensibly in response to teh locked and friends certain wankas. The community is locked and I shall not discuss its contents or purpose. I'll leave that to sagralisse who I fear and admire, but must link to anyhow. phosfate is also less than pleased at being added. Old grudges (about modding style?!?) are raised, Snacky's Law trampled and yes, a N00B comm is started.
Could it be? Do we have an honest to God BNW deathmatch?

I’d pass the popcorn, but it’s sticky.

On a personal note I'd like to add that I like the people on both sides of this, and I tried to be sensitive to any hurt feelings generated by this mess. I've also tried to respect the wishes of the 1337 comm by not discussing the comm, only the wank around it.

3:51pm: Here's a little story 'bout a Sue named Nad...
Thank you, deleterius, for bringing teh wank yet again. This one's a blatant admitted self-insert who rips off text wholesale from the third Harry Potter book. She CAN write, to a degree, but with two Mary Sues PLUS plagiarism it definitely warrants a report....and it's not long before the inevitable hailstorm of angry sockpuppets rolls in like a somewhat unintimidating felt apocalypse. Includes gems like:

"this story is NOT perfect, but some extremely poor and pathetic HP fan wrote it, and you don't really have a right to critisize it so brutally"

darkling30: I found the extract that was posted on Deleterius to be lacking in fundamentals necessary in literature.
Sparklepop003: i c

"if you don't beleave me you can go screw a camels ASS"

"I can't beleave that this site takes innocent stories and turns then into trash"

And most classic so far:

"the author DISLOCATED HER HIP SHE TRIED VERY HARD ON THIS AND YOU SAY THESE WORDS, HAVE YOU NO SHAME!"

It's familiar ground, sure, but hey: so are Christmas carols. Enjoy.

4:54pm: You know, just when you think fans can't get any more batshit.
Suikoden wank update: Dude, someone fetch me some latex gloves and a squeegee already before we drown in the spooge.

( You bash every gay fic you can just because it's gay! )

Fandom law violations AND het-versus-slash wank, all in one jizz-covered place. I shed a tear.

Someone get me a "Bitch, please" icon. Stat.