Mock. Mockmockmock. Mockity-mock-mock

3:37pm: Thank you to the inevitable anons for the heads-up on this one.

NOTE: I have absolutely no background here beyond what you see in the link.

taradiane apparently posts many pictures of Daniel Radcliffe. The other day, she did just that. Now, to my eye he looks mostly bored and kinda tired.

wayfairer does not agree. In fact, she believes that it's ( childsplotation )

As usual in Potterfandom, wank ensues.

And I just sit here going 'Gee, he looks weird without glasses...'

3:40pm: And there's even offers of trollsex and bake sales...
Okay, we have a new troll in town. Not hugely wanky, mostly just amusement by others as they try to teach her how to be a better troll.

Hell, she even has a harem. A lesbian one that that.

Personally, my favourite part is where she gets upset about buffysues copying pottersues...and yet she copied antipottersues for the whole ordeal. But apparently nobody else has noticed that. Not even her very own harem.

7:08pm: Spidey-wank!
Ah. God bless aint-it-cool for its free speech talkback boards.

It begins innocently enough. A nameless reviewer sends in their comments on Spiderman 2 here. What causes the wank is this paragraph, right at the end:

All in all, if the first Spider-man was STAR WARS...a charming, playful, whimsical adventure...this film is THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK...a darker, larger scale, "super" hero's quest. But with Raimi at the helm, I have no fears that the next movie will be a RETURN OF THE JEDI.

Cue wank on the talkback boards that is guaranteed to get your spidey-senses tingling with wanky anticipation. Yes, the boards have it all:

krylite: who complains about all the bashing of LotR:

My friends, a real ripoff movie is anything by ID4 Emerrich. Elephants are AT-AT walkers? Try the BOOK itself in 1957 when it clearly describes the humongous elephants. Witch-King of Angmar? Try the book and the Silmarillion(posth 1976, written since WWI) which clearly states how the black riders and the nine looked and the Witch King's history 2000 years before LOTR.

darth_billy with the inspired "You haven't seen Spider Man 2 10+ times, but probably have seen Empire at least that much. Once you have seen a film so many times, THEN you can compare it like for like. "

TheEnigmaII who dares to say FUCK ROTK!

But my vote for wanker of the board goes to Nintendo who must have been sucking on some serious wank-crack to come up with gems like:

- Kirsten Dunst's teeth are yellower than my skin, and you can tell because it's FOR ALL THE WORLD TO SEE in the first fuckin' movie. Mary Jane was supposed to be a KNOCKOUT, not knock-you-out when you saw her, As in Medusa-freezing.

- I'm black. Try finding a black person in "MY" neighborhood let alone any other neighborhood in this COUNTRY that come to THIS site. I prove they exist, but the numbers are far and long miniscule my friend. The point is that you criticizing people on a fucking MESSAGBOARD on the INTERNET at AIN'T IT FUCKING COOL, criticizing people for being nerds, at this site, need I say more? This site...lol. You're expecting Brad Pitt-looking types with guys who are in their 40's, or 40 (like Pitt), but look younger than probably any guy here to, unlike me, not sweat what you say, but, more importantly, act as intelligent as you think they should be acting?

- come to my or any other black neighborhood to see how "racist" blacks can be towards each other. oh, I got kobe's number. you should call him. you two have alot in common. I'm not some lame nigger defending a bad movie. white girl-lovin' bitch

After that, I went blind. Which is exactly what my mother told me would happen. Anyway, go check it out. There's enough shit there to keep you happy whether you're in LotR, SW or Spidey fandoms.

8:56pm: BatmanBegins!Wank...slightly stale, but still crunchy
I'm absolutely amazed that this didn't get posted already, but hey...as long as we get to mock it, who cares when it's done? Anyway...

Aint-It-Cool-News, ye olde hotspot of wank, posts an article concerning the new Batman Begins movie and some casting choices, but a sidenote concerning a comment of Michael Caine's (he's playing Alfred) brings the spooge.

Finally, he noted an interesting aside Michael Caine made to him about Superman and Batman, the former being how America views itself, the latter, darker character being how the rest of the world views America.

Fapfapfapfapfapfapfap...

My favorites:
If Batman is America, surely Robin would be Iraq? Both fucked up the ass daily

NEW RULE: If you're past the age of twelve and you still think comic books and movies based on them should be "dark" (whatever the fuck that means), you are 300+ pounds of queerbait and should contemplate suicide.

is there a country america doesnt hate? Its the only way yanks can learn geography

America.........Ren? or Stimpy?

9:02pm: Venus Envy wankage (not the Rita Mae Brown book)
Venus Envy, a webcomic whose central character is a MTF transsexual high school student, has had a dark arc. Erin Lindsey did warn that the story was going to take on a darker tone, oh... months back? and has been doing thus here and there.

The plot just exploded and people on the message board (beware, it's an EZboard) start out rather humorous but some are up in arms. How dare you! How could you! Give me teh funney back! First it starts out kind of mild but then there's...

( MockTurtle gets the ball rolling with... )

Yeah, I chimed in as well with the "don't read it" nostrum. The wank seems to have mopped itself up since I went out and did laundry and came back but who knows...

Everybody's got triggers but if every author/artist/screenwriter/etc. worried about what would traumatize or anger people, there would be nothing to build fandoms around.

(edited for linkage feckup and because I always have another thing to say)

10:56pm: Congratulations, it's a boy!
This is a mini wank, almost not a wank at all, but I thought it was very cuddly all the same. Gave me a giggle, I thought I'd share.

Right. The Leaky Cauldron points to an update of the HPL, where Steve says that the Portugese HP translation team asked JKR about Blaise Zabini's gender, and she herself has just confirmed that he is a boy.

Pretty straightforward so far, but then baby wank erupts in the LC comments.
( Read more... )

Okay, probably not that wanky. But funny all the same.

11:21pm: Lotrips Badfic bashing