Mock. Mockmockmock. Mockity-mock-mock

4:10am: I like Big Busts and I Cannot Lie...
There's some enormously funny wank at Fametracker about (of all things) the sagginess of Catherine Zeta Jone's breasts and the color and size of her nipples. On the basis of a series of nude paparazzi pictures of her that were taken when she was six months pregnant, one side is arguing that she's "an old hag with pepperoni nipples who married an old fag because she couldn't get anyone else" -- while the other insists that her figure is still great and her nipples are still sexy, damn it all. It's worth checking out, if only to wonder at how sex-deprived the denizens of the internet can seem.

The "controversy" generally begin here:
http://forums.fametracker.com/index.php?showtopic=301&st=330

Some highlights from the thread:

( Read more... )

And just so you all don't die of curiosity... here is the actual picture of Catherine Zeta Jones naked and smoking that traumatized so many:
http://www.uselessjunk.com/images/stories/1zeta.jpg

And yet more nudes, in case you're curious...
http://home.freeuk.com/jotaylor/catherine_zeta_jones/

10:22am: The Titanic of Wanks continues...
Wank from VB beyond the grave--but not posted, no preciousss, sent to the attorney general's office:

In a March 5, 2004, email to DOJ investigator Fiona Harpster, Stone and Wood wrote, "We are very concerned to hear about the formalization of these accusations which had been previously maintained--where we feel they belong--only in the world of Internet rumor and gossip."

In the email to Harpster, Stone and Wood provided an account of some of Bit of Earth's finances but said they could not access many of their records due to computer problems. They prefaced the account with a disclaimer: "Most importantly, BitofEarth.net was not originally intended to be a charity organization."

Ass. Hats. You cannot TELL me that anything in HP tops this.

Read it all, see the art, at www.wweek.com

2:26pm: Once more with feeling - HP ship wank
snellios links to an entry in his personal journal in the harryhermione community with this text:

A H/Hr shipper, bitching the rest out

I hate the stereotypical H/Hr shipper. They are dumb; it's been a d00med ship from CoS. And you find that most of them are crazed teenies who haven't actually read the books properly (that'd be me), and therefore are blind to the fact that its never gonna happen. It's obvious to anyone who's read the books that its gonna end R/H, maybe a little UST between H/Hr, but that'll be it.

And if they had any clue about the HP fandom, they'd know that JKR has ruled it out repeatedly, and they would have seen the evidence for R/H is pretty overwhelming....

....Furthermore, I ship H/Hr, because I believe that they would be good together; far better than R/Hr.

and then disallows comments.

( Wank ensues )

4:38pm: Highlander wank
Mean BNF's drove me out of the fandom wank.

You should just pitch a tent at Fanfic_Hate, because the wank is everywhere!

And Highlander is not immune. It is that fandom's turn on the wheel and what do we get? Intrigue, backstabbing, arguing and major BNF's being mean to other BNF's.

The thread started here. Anonymouse said:

I know this is people based hate, but I want to nominate lanning's Sacred Trust as perhaps the most under-rated fics in the fandom, and hate on the hateful BNFs who ran her out of Highlander for providing an original, but wholly plausible, take on Duncan and Methos. Guess her Duncan and Methos didn't jive with the fanon gospel and god help you if you dared to like it anyway. Fucking bitches.

Then people start naming names of who ran Lanning out of Highlander and links are posted to Lanning's "statement" on the mess. (Which was made months ago, but is interesting for the sheer volume of wank inside the journal post).

But, the *best* part of this wank is the banner, MacGeorge has on her web site, apparently dedicated to Lanning and her OOC Duncan and Methos which started this war.

http://wordsmiths.net/MacGeorge/banner.jpg

It seems the Smallville masses are in the HL thread defending Lanning from the HL BNF's who made Lanning's life miserable while she was writing in Highlander.

It's a relatively small wank now, but it could grow.

ETA: Thanks to an anonymouse, I found out it wasn't the banner that set off this feud between MacGeorge and Lanning (and their friends & lovers) that is now on fanfic_hate.

No, it was when Lanning posted an excerpt from her then newly published HL novel, Sacred Trust on the Critical Edge list and MacGeorge took offense at it, feeling it did not depict Duncan MacLeod the way she viewed Duncan MacLeod or some such nonsense. MacGeorge told the whole world her views on this topic in many public forums and based on that one excerpt Lanning's novel was vilified in the fandom. The banner was posted on Critical Edge list after the excerpt to show that MacGeorge liked her characters three dimensional, not two dimensional.

Now, mind you this was years ago! This fandom hold grudges much?

Thanks to anonymouse for the history lesson.

10:18pm: Metal Mini Wank
Courtesy of The Org.

Son_goten: Metal sux! Itz al skreeming!!!!111oneleven!
Random Org Member 1: No it doesn't! Well, not all the time...
Random Org Member 2: Rap sux, too!
Sane Person Who Ruins Wank: Can't we all just get along?

11:31pm: Hot Chick Wank!
There's a pretty fun community over at the Chilax forums (www.chilax.com/forum) that I lurk at and collect pictures from. Mostly, it's known as a community for model fans who come in and post pictures and chat about their particular favorites. Normally, the friendly mods keep the (admittedly low) tension down. But sometimes... the wank explodes violently to and from posters, no matter how hard the mods try to cap it.

See, there's this fun competition that Chilax holds every year, called the Babe of the Year (BOTY) where the posters of chilax come and vote on their favorite "babe" of the year. This year, there's a particularly close vote-off going on between two popular models here (http://chilax.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=5102&st=0).

(Note: You must be registered to Chilax to view the thread and vote in the BOTY poll. It'll only take a minute of your time, and you needn't actually DO anything in the forums themselves.)

Both Ana Beatriz Barros and Marissa Miller are busty blond Victoria's Secrets models, both spend a great deal of time lounging around their underwear, and both have rabid fans that are willing to defend their respective "virtues" from the mud-slinging of their online enemies. And I bet you can guess what can happen when horny guys who prefer different girls conflict...

Some Choice Comments for Those To Lazy to Register at Chilax:

( Read more... )

And just to let you see exactly who the good folks at Chilax are getting so pissed off over:

1) Ana Beatriz Barros' Thread: http://chilax.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=1696&st=5360

2) Marisa Miller's Thread: http://chilax.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=375&st=3120

(It comes replete with her supporters begging for votes in the BOTY poll. I don't know whether to laugh or cry, it's so pathetic.)