Mock. Mockmockmock. Mockity-mock-mock

7:49am: Maroon 5 Stoner Wank
Maroon 5 appeared in High Times magazine. Naturally, this caused wank. The thread is upside down, you'll have to read it bottom up.

Some out-takes, first up, Kindwords: ( he's trollin' it like it is, thanks to the Constitution )

( Does Maroon 5 suck? Guest starring Adam Levine of Maroon 5, or maybe not. )


I looked for corresponding wank on Maroon 5's board, and found a little. It's worth linking to just for the aggressively tacky signatures.

( Drugs are bad, kids )

Pass the Doritos

11:15am: I Am Related to the King of Kings! Look on my works, ye mighty, and ... fangirl me!
Fandom_Wank, meet The "Countess" Justine Baker: Actress, Poet, Film-maker, Theoretical Mathematician and Philosopher, Descendant of Kings and Queens and Other Royal Types!

This woman is her own fandom.

She first shows her face in a thread at the IMDb board for Alexander, where she lets three people the world know that Oliver Stone sure is one director she'd never work with. Especially given her incredible IMDb acting resume consisting of such stellar roles as 'Flower the Prostitute' and 'Uncredited Wedding Guest'. He just isn't affording her "ancestor" the respect he deserves, dammit!

Then there is her biography, in which we learn that: Her IQ cannot be charted! She was a published poet in the 6th grade! She was invited to a dinner with George Bush! She is Related To Everybody in Hollywood!

EXHIBIT A: Her personal website , where we are informed, repeatedly, of her Genius in All Things.

EXHIBIT B: Her genealogy. Am I eligible to gain an official title? Yes. What? To Be Determined and by which country I choose and recognizes such..

Dude, we'd better all hop on her train right now. This woman is going places.

Erm.

EDIT: Geocities (Webhost of Kings!) has exceeded its bandwidth. But there's some more of her Crazeh here, here, and here. The last includes her looong list of plebian Day-Jobs. *nod*

6:47pm: Is Orlando Bloom a fandom?
If he isn't, then he should be.

Kate Hate galore!

Edit: More Kate Hate... and this time you can go wild with comments.

8:33pm: Says Suethor wanker: Here's my Sue-fantasy wherein I bang John Edwards! Of course, his wife has to die first. (Uhh, in the story, of course!)

Commenters say, "Jesus H. Christ on a pogo stick, this is not only sick and wrong--worse it is bad writing!" Or something to that general effect. (Not to mention the very squicked, "Uhh, you do know his wife has cancer, right, moron?" contigent.)

A political miniwank follows, during which someone comments with the oh-so-classy and meaningful, "Blow me you liberal hippy douche. W won and there is no going back."

Yay for rhetoric.

Another anonymouse observes the most important thing: "Guys, can we back off of the excessive political comments? This story would suck regardless of affiliation, even if it was about romancing Dick Cheney. It would just be slightly creepier."

Too true.

Story gets bad reviews (What? Bad reviews on the internet, and no "OMFG U R SO BRAVE 2 rite tihs plus it is HOTTtt PLSRTMORE KTHXBAI!!!1" Unthinkable.)

Eventually, sockpuppet author anonymice begin to weigh in: "Hey dipshit, just because you are a no talent assclown does not mean this lady can not write about what she wants. I think your response is completely off base."

And, is any internet fic wank complete without the author pulling the DLDR card out of her ass? "All I have to say is, if you don't like the story, don't read it." Ahh, now I feel satisfied.

For the record, the story is just about as bad as they come. ( Unless you like reading about MarySue taking a shower in preparation for nailing John Edwards... )

Washing yourself from your hair to your feet? Why, on normal days she just washes to her waist! And "shaving all the right places", no less! She's on the prowl, yo.

ETA: Poli-fic mod gives tips on how to write a more sensitive RPF about Edwards and your Sue! This somehow strikes me as even funnier.

9:36pm: Teeny Ghostbusters comic wank. Starts near the end of page 1, ends at the end of page 2.

"This comic is full of errors because it makes spelling errors and modern day jokes!" "It's a time shift, you moron. Didn't you talk the book over with your writer friend?" "I'm too nice to take advantage of him like that!"

Bitch please.