Mock. Mockmockmock. Mockity-mock-mock

1:58am: Arteest Wank
Once again, kiddies, I bring wank from the land that is 4chan.org (not worksafe, though so far this particular wank is).

Another arteest wank, in which said-artist asks for a critique. When people speak up, offering opinions or thoughts and whatnot, their response to this Masterpiece of All That is Art is less than enthusiastic. Artist begins to wank, with the usual "U DUN UNDERSTAND MY WORK U UNCULTURED BUFFONS" and "MI PEICE HAS INNUR BEUTY!!!!", as well as the typical blaming-of-cameras and general preaching about being close-minded.

Short, but sadly amusing in its cute little wanky way.

6:22am: Oh no they didn't!
Someone said that black people are more racist than whites. People get upset. Heated words were exchanged (with the help of a Dictionary sometimes).

Mod steps in to handle the situation in a rather... unconventional way.

7:28am: Zomg Will Smith sucks...but not today.
You know what's really sad? When one gets so used to wank in one of their fandoms that it has to get this bad before they notice that it's wanky.

Things start out pretty simply. ruthless4life hears DPGunit say that Will Smith put out a better album than Eminem and decides to post a wank thread dedicated to laughing at this concept. *deep sigh*

Things are civil for, ohhh, five seconds. There's enough time for one person to post a neutral reply before the spooge starts flying.

They're all ZOMG BADASSES.
( This reads like a greatest hits thread for wank )

11:41am: I know DMC would be here for this one day.
First wank report, yadda.

In the DMC LJ icons community, mortenuova pimps demoncest, a newly created community for fans of Vergil/Dante.

I'm just pimping our new Virgil/Dante community. XO If you hate Virgil/Dante, or pimping. Ignore me! (We will be having icon challenges and so on and so forth—we're actually having one now.)

Ha ha. *run*

parsephoni proceeds to ignore the "ignore me" part and completely spazzes out about the OP being "a fucking pro-incest sick bitch" (although she said nothing about all the Vergil/Dante icons posted to the comm) and about the spelling of Nelo Angelo's name.

I'm still surprised it took THREE GAMES before this pairing got wanked.

ETA: And as the mod steps in, Parsephoni proceeds to suck up as if she wasn't the one who royally flipped out in the first place

ETAA: From the above sucking up thread:
Parsephoni: Also, I did not assume the girl was pro-incest. She made a community celebrating homosexual sex between twins. It’s obvious that she is.

The Logic is weak in this one.

1:01pm: Special Art of the Lawyer!
Tipped off by a post on Fanthropology, behold Jeffrey "Oneshot" Wong.

(Allegedly) ShoPro (the company formerly known as Viz) sends him a cease and desist e-mail for his one Naruto fic.

Jeffrey responds by telling them, " It is the opinion of us and our lawyers that you are a bunch of morons, and that you should please go sodomize yourself with something very big. "

He continues to mock them in his responses to their missives. "Perhaps you should do more research. Seriously, I thought you guys were professionals. You guys get paid to be thorough but that doesn't seem to be the case. First off, the donation button was put on my page LONG before I started so-called 'infringing' upon your copyrights to Naruto by writing a fic that has Naruto in it. Also, have you even bothered to check if my donation buttons still work? Didja bother to make sure that my paypal account is even active? Well, it isn't. Bwahahahahahaha! Just because I have a paypal button, that doesn't mean that the account is active."

You can read it all here. Scroll down to March 26th to start from the beginning.

Warning: His website is headache inducing/may cause your eyes to bleed. Black background and text in different colors. Ow.

3:10pm: Flames! An Elitist Community! Anonymous Comments! And...Furries?
First wank! A tip of the hat to the random anonymous person who linked me to this one...

Remember ChibiSeal and the explosion of wank that followed hir review of Numisma's Inuyasha fanfiction, "Movie House Hanyou?" Sure you do.

Well, ChibiSeal is back, and this time, s/he's got friends. Furry ones, at that.

There has been a buzz in the Inuyasha fandom recently about a slew of unfavorable reviews aimed at some of the more popular fanfictions. At first, it seemed to be random thumbing of noses, but then a few people discovered a community, dubbed inuanonymous ("The community for Inuyasha fans who hate Inuyasha fans,") in which ChibiSeal and a few others post their reviews and snark about the fandom. Members refer to themselves as "The Unabashedly Elite," but refuse to offer any proof of their elite status (beyond their elitist attitudes.) It was a quiet community of what appear to be furry trolls, just one circle jerk among many in this fandom, until anonymous comments started popping up.

As far as I can tell, the wank starts with Chumguzzler's flaming review of Del Kaidin's "Broadway Bound," available for your perusal here. Del and her co-author, Kriscynical, talk about it with their friends in their journals here and here. However, at that point, it doesn't look like anyone had discovered the community's existence (although some anonymous commenters grandfather in some wank once the community is discovered.)

Later, frosty_ermine posts a review of Numisma's "Movie House Hanyou," and somebody finds the community. Much wank ensues.

EXCLAMATION MARKS OF RAGE!

Listen to my opinion, despite the fact that I haven't read the fic in question!

Show me your critic credentials!

Incoherency and nitpicking about the proper spelling of 'y'all!'

Accusations of cannon foddery!

GET. A. LIFE! and an accusation of babelfish usage!

The whole community is a goldmine of wank. frosty_ermine's review thread seems to be the most active, but there are more anonymous wankers here and here. Doubtless this community will be blamed for every single flame - past, present, and future - in the Inuyasha fandom.

ETA: Del Kaidin has f-locked the post about the review on her journal.

4:21pm: First wank. Please use lube.
When I hear that "family values" groups are targeting a band or performer, I usually think, oh, poor Marilyn Manson, they're after him again? Or, possibly, I wonder if the boys from Gwar have gotten themselves banned from yet another city.

What I don't think is, wow, those Backstreet Boys sure are a dangerous bunch, I hope someone's warning the kids about them.

Yet, according to "Fight The Good Fight," the folks who bring us the "They Sold Their Souls For Rock and Roll" ministry, "...While it is true that those who promote witchcraft, drugs and suicide, like Marlin Manson, are on their way to the lake of fire, this is also true of groups which promote sexual immorality like the Backstreet Boys. Groups like the Backstreet Boys are even more dangerous in some ways than groups like Marilyn Manson..." Yes. The lake of fire awaits those damn boybands, just like the rest of the perverts.

Read all the good stuff here!

And for additional fun, try the guestbook on for size! One woman realizes that Elvis is OMG SATANIC!!! and throws away all her collectibles. And further down, the site managers reply to the people who say "WTF?" by spamming them with bible verses! It's just endless funny, really. I can only imagine what they'd do if they discovered boyband slash.

(please let me know if this should go in OTF_wank. since it's dealing with pop culture and music fandom, I guessed that it belonged here, but you never can tell...)