Mock. Mockmockmock. Mockity-mock-mock

4:06am: Boobie Wank!
[Insert Here Regular Disclaimers About Visiting IMdB Boards]

In case you didn't know it, Eva Green, now starring in Kingdom of Heaven, has beautiful breasts. So, naturally, when visiting her IMdB message boards, the title of one of the threads, "Her breasts?", curiously drew me in. What could be discussed? The size, shape, coloring, Frenchness, fakeness or lack thereof of her lovely assets? Out of all the possible topics that could be discussed I never actually thought I would drop in on a conversation about how playing with B-cupped breasts is, according to one named syphus, "like what I would believe playing with a flabby boy."

Hilarity ensues.

( 'You are totally overcompensating for your shriveled manhood!' )

( syphus replies )

( Someone speaks up in syphus' defense, and supplies us with this wonderful description: )

( Read more... )

It's small now, but I can see it getting wankier.

8:47pm: Crystal, Crystal, Crystal
You're totally asking for some wank when you tell people to post anonymously on a post.

Especially if, ya know, your LJ name is crystalgamgee.

So it starts out with people actually doing her little game-thing (including a pretty picture of Orlando Bloom, Billy Boyd, and Dominic Monaghan!). Then someone comes along and says,
"You suck & your "art" isn't even art.
Photoshopping is not art.
You're a hypochondriac.
A terrible mother. Why don't you ever talk about her?
It's always about your hobbit fetish.
Pathetic."

Her f-list comes to defend her, because it's Crystal.

lordkenshire even says, "Here you are, belittling one of the greatest women I know for no apparent reason." There's also a lot of, "*hugs Crystal*"

Then Crystal says, "A simple flip of the switch matched the IP address on this post with the three posts at the bottom of this journal showing that they all came from 68.235.54.81 clvdoh.adelphia.net"

[I wonder how she learned about that little trick? Oh but I forgot, it was some guy from Getty Image's computer. Or maybe it was someone else's. I forget.]

Yay! Crystal DOES remember! Because she reads fandom_wank! *waves* Hi Crystal!

Then glorfinel comes up with the best and most intelligent response and says,
"Dear anonymous flamer,
You are a moron.
Sincerely,
Glorfinniel."

Of course, Crystal is only responding "just for the amusement of [her]self and others."

It's itty bitty. But with Crystal, you NEVER know. (I'm sure we all remember how small THAT started)

Procrasturbation always pays off.

ETA:
If anyone lost the original Crystal wank link and wants to read up, you can find it here.