Mock. Mockmockmock. Mockity-mock-mock

4:30pm: Because it's a slow day, just a little wank for you.
It's been awhile since fanficrants has made it on here (Ye Gods, a couple of days?), so you know what time it is.

Fanficrants!Wank time!

You know what's going to happen when the subject line reads: To Trolls of All Fandoms. The OP has taken offense to people posting deliberate badfic without labeling it as parody, which is pretty wanky in and of itself. Eventually, the OP loses her cool (within the original post, no doubt) then busts out the Capslocks of Rage, and it looks like the wank is on.

Some good wank here.

More people disagree.

Interesting theory: The OP might be responding to this experiment.

7:20pm: Cool! I caught a FLAMING BALL OF SPOOGE AAAAAGH
I've gotten back into Animal Crossing a bit recently--it's that adorable sim game for the Nintendo Gamecube where you fish, catch bugs, decorate your house, mail animals obscene letters, design shirts with swastika patterns, place people under house arrest, hit them with sticks, plan your own fascist regime, plant flowers, participate in town holidays . . .

Anyway, I've heard rumblings and rumors of an Animal Crossing 2, so I Google me a little info, and find one GameTalk forum and a whooooole lot of wank in just one little link.

AnimalCrossingGirl352 posts the very question I was Googling, and apparently THAT'S STOOPID so the first ten comments or so are making fun of her for daring to ask. But the real wank starts when french_girl reprimands one of the commenters:

Why are you so rude, JT5? Let me guess: because you're a guy. (No offence to the other guys.)

WANKSTORM GET! People accuse her of being sexist, and french_girl doesn't understand what is sexist or stereotypical about her statement at all. TMI of downright Ataniell proportions (I kid, I kid) starts in soon with legolas13 going on about his English professor being a hypocrite, and french_girl informing us that she wants a boyfriend who can cry and that her brother was so macho that it FUCKED HIS SHIT UP FOR LIFE.

BUT THAT'S NOT ALL LADIES AND GENTS! That's right, if you do NOT click this link now, you will be missing out on not only gender role wank, but ALSO historical wank, grammar wank, Helen Keller wank, Bush wank, France wank, wank about female sexuality, MORE Helen Keller wank, dictionary definition wank, and general self-importance! Don't miss this offer, folks! [/crazy redd]

A few gems:

"I can’t help it if I’m naturally refined. That "regal air" you spoke of is in all actuality real; some of us are just naturally sophisticated."


"Pfft cry? I'm an all out bawler!

Not really a bawler, but I'll admit to crying obviously. Except when my friend died. That was not the best of times to see me. And anyone who does not admit to it is a liar. Nuff said. Except for maybe a select few individuals, such as those with no nervous system and a heart of stone.

And yes, the manly-men are annoying. So I just use big words and confusing logic, and they usually leave me alone."


"If guys don't have any sensitivity, they're just like, slabs of meat. It's wonderful for us girls though, we get to be emotional whenever we want!"


"Ambiguity intrusive? Vagueness would be better associated with being extrusive; it is remaining unknown, which would tend to be more of a keeping away action than a prying one. Disconcerting is a better term for your sentence."


"I’m not upset about anything, I’m just defending the honor of Miss Keller. And it’s the fact the Helen Keller is dead that makes that so-called joke appalling. I’m not angry about the crack on women drivers, it’s just that Helen Keller was an extraordinary women and she shouldn’t be the catch line of a joke even after she has passed away."


"(also, a semicolon separates two independant clauses; "not at all" does not stand on its own and in that case would be separated by a comma)"


"I don’t what “Chip n’ Dales” is, and I’m not sure if I should even find out what it is. I know that women are capable of lust; it’s just that women do not use it as a driving motivation to take advantage of men. Men are never violated like women are, and this causes so much ill treatment of many women."


Really I just posted this to give Sep another reason to hate the French. DISCUSS.

7:38pm: Black people can't survive in South Africa!
In ohnotheydidnt an article is posted about Dave Chapelle checking himself into a mental health facility in South Africa. ___insolence starts the wank by commenting "LOL South Africa he won't be alive for very long down there!"

9:19pm: Over in flcl, ezlizard makes a series of comment-disabled (FLCL-related) posts (apparently to deter trolls).

Meanwhile, thejedipunk starts wanking, saying that if people really loved FLCL, they'd leave it alone. The community is confused, but nothing explodes.

But that's a precursor to today's wank, where thejedipunk announces:

to ezlizard: STOP POSTING. and then bitches about FLCL content being released.

johnhenry gets confused over maturity. (Gem: "its not imature. its "internet." ")

It turns out that thejedipunk isn't pissed because ezlizard posts a lot; it's because "he is a fully grown man whoring over an anime. pathetic in my estimation."
It's not pathetic for TJP to be whoring over an anime, as he/she expects to be dead by 25.

There are some WTF threads (as well as this one).

And, of course, the n00b image.