Mock. Mockmockmock. Mockity-mock-mock

5:09am: Pony + Prayer = SPOOGE!
Ah, it's been too long since a good pony wank.

On the MLPTP, (which has shed the nasty spyware for a new board *waves tiny flag*), KneonT finds a new pony named "Bedtime Blessings with Bright Night". And when you squeeze her little hoof, she says a bedtime prayer. The standard, "Now I lay me down to sleep; I pray the Lord my soul to keep. May angesl watch me from the skies, Until the morning when I rise." (I personally like the classic, "And if I die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take I pray the Lord my toys to break, so none of the other bastard children can play with em. Amen.")

And lookie that pony spooge FLY. Clearly, the idea of Christianity in the world of ponies makes people lose their shit. How DARE Hasbro make a praying pony! The Pagans and Atheists and the non-Christian ponies are offended, by God Goddess Zeus Buddha nothing, absolutely nothing The Rainbow!

Me? I haven't gotten any of the Creepy Soft Babies, but I might get that one and gut her mechanism. Cause she's kinda cute in that "I WANT YOUR SOUL" way.

--Kitti

10:34am: He said, he said....
Last Saturday night in Tampa, Florida, there was a hardcore industrial music concert featuring three bands: Combichrist, Glis, and Manufactura. Despite the hardass-ness of the music and the participants in general, these shows are generally very peaceful -- most people just want to enjoy the music and the booze. (I'm five feet tall and a girl and I've escaped injury at shows like this, even standing five feet from the stage.) However, a few weeks before at another show at the same venue, a fight led to the unfortunate stabbing death of a man, also badly wounding his wife and landing her in the ICU.

Stuff's in a bad place already, and it just gets worse. At the show's afterparty, a bash in a goth/industrial club called the Castle, Karloz from Manufactura gets seriously drunk and loses control of himself, pouring beer all over people and generally being an asshole. He gets ejected from the club. And that's when things go from bad to worse.

What no one will argue is this -- after getting ejected from the club by the bouncers, Karloz pulls out a knife. The bouncers take him down. Things get messy. Karloz lands in jail, faced with a felony charge.

donwaughesq posts what he saw in rivets, claiming he was three feet away from the fight and the security guards did not use excessive force to take Karloz down. Friends of Karloz, including combichrist (one of the musicians) and his wife scargrrl tell donwaughesq he's full of shit; the guards practically killed Karloz. People on both sides think Karloz is an asshole. Andy (combichrist) posts what he saw, including him valiantly running into the fray to prevent Karloz from being murdered. Wank ensueth. Someone organizes a drive to bail Karloz out of jail. Some help, while some tell Karloz to go rot. People like me enjoy the wank and laugh in that perfect Schadenfreude way at Karloz's black eye.

2:10pm: "You do know that 'fictional' means not real, right?"
Ah, Smallville wank. Just what we need on a muggy summer day...

Every year, Amy Amatangelo of Zap2it offers an alternative to the Emmy awards called, oddly enough, the Amy Awards. Categories include "Nobody Loves Me, or Most Underused Character" and " I Wouldn't Buy That If It Was on Sale, or Worst Story line or Plot Twist." This year, the following characters were picked (by reader submissions) for the "I Don't Love to Hate You, I Just Hate You or Worst Character" category.

a. Audrey on "24"
b. Lana on "Smallville"
c. Marissa on "The O.C."
d. Shannon on "Lost"
e. Zach on "Desperate Housewives"

Well, this won't do. Lana fans immediately start whining in the Zap2it forums.

( You guys seriously need a life really bad. Leave that dark chamber you call home and go outside. )

Ballpointpen explains his/her reasons for disliking Lana.

( You're hanging on to a dream that will never be, and you're saying WE gave up? That's pathetic, I'm sorry. )

Superixen chimes in:

( Lana is a character I hate most on tv today; the integrity of the other characters and the entire story of Clark Kent and Lex Luthor have been sacrificed at the altar of Everyone Must Love Lana. )

An anonymous Lana fan asks, "or maybe you just suck. Do u mind giving reasons for her 'annoying' factor, or do u not have any?" [sic] RoscoPColtrane offers his/her analysis:

( If she was all that good of a character, wouldn't everyone like her? )

Krissy points out, "But seriously everyone has the right to like or dislike a TV CHARACTER. So the least you can do is respect that, rather than being shocked and defensive that not everyone agree's that Lana, or Lois is the greatest character."

Things die down. For a while. People attempt to talk about the characters and not bash the actresses who play them. Then DevotedToClana shows up.

( How can a sane person nominate her?? )

Ballpointpen takes up the fight.

( I don't mean to be calling names, but look at the way this thread has gone. Some of us have been trying to be calm and rational about our opinions.  )

DevotedToClana strikes back.

( Clark and Lana will be together this season.. They will be romantically involved and they will loose their Virginity to each other.. and we're gonna make sure that happens. )

How are they going to "make" that happen? Because I'm sure the producers of a TV show take suggestions and demands from people who don't bother to use apostrophes and choose to capitalize the word virginity.

There's plenty more, with tons of Chloe bashing and how "evil" she and Lois are in comparison with the preternaturally perfect Lana Lang. Oh, and a supporter of "Operation Picnic Under the Oak Tree - Campaign To Save Clana Before it's Too Late" offers this gem:

lana duznt take up screentime, shes the main female character! if you would maybe look passed the surface you'll see that lana has heart and substance. if you wanna go into wasted screentime, look to lois. shes not even cast and she spent more time TRYING to be funny on my TV screen than pete did.

Don't mind me. I'll be in the corner looking at pictures of Tom Welling. Mmmm... pretty.

5:35pm: Ah, spoiler wank.
Harry Potter spoilers ahead.

So, over in foundphotos, obvious troll ericseguy posts a HP spoiler in very large, scrolling font.

See it get the reaction he obviously wants. Only posted an hour ago, so still going very strong.

Anonymous posters in the comments mention he did this to other communities as well, but I haven't seen them. There may be more wank waiting out in the wings.

ETA: In case it wasn't obvious, there are also spoilers to be found now in the comments of this post. Spoiler virgins beware.