Mock. Mockmockmock. Mockity-mock-mock

12:19am: Gankutsuou Cosplay Tidbit
Tiny, but hopefully it's pleasant enough.

tear_venus posts in the Gankutsuou (Count of Monte Cristo anime) community a very awesome Count cosplay. Nothing out of the ordinary, for we all love our blue men.

Sadly, the first reply is along the lines of "so-and-so makes a better Count!" and it goes down hill from there.
"He's not feminine enough!"
"the Count is feminine?"
"This comment is ridiculous. It's a bit silly to go "OH ______ is better!" when someone says something positive about a costume. GOOD FOR THEM."

Its only 27ish comments long, but cosplay discussion is always interesting.

Favorite quote!
I love how you're all negative about the Japanese cosplayers, though, quite frankly, all the cosplay posted by our members here has been just a hair above "ghetto," in my opinion. Maybe their faces aren't to your liking, but as far as construction goes they have everyone here beat.


You won't see them wanking... till they strike!

(... I love how JF tells me Cristo is misspelled and offers Crisco as a subsitute. I love you, JF.)

12:54pm: Nothing Good Ever Comes from Abusing Photoshop.
Once again, slash involving real people is creepy and uncalled for, as "Ted-Drakness" seems to be out to prove.

I remember this fanbrat from another account they had on DeviantArt. That was back in the day when they called themselves a girl. They're a boy now. Obviously, they made something up at some point in time, but I'm not sure if I wanna find out what.

However, that's not half as amusing as their screen name. Somebody was trying to spell "darkness" but messed up and decided to run with it, probably under the assumption that we wouldn't notice.

In any case, they're obsessed with Mmy from Johnny the Homicidal Maniac, and to a lesser extent, Mmy/Nny slash. While that's irritating by itself, it's not really wank-worthy. What makes in wank-worthy is that Jhonen Vasquez, the real person who created the comics, keeps popping up in the lusty fan things (art is too strong a term for anything drawn in Paint), to be bullied and have randy butt sex with everyone.

Here's some vaguely recent Jhonen things.
And here.
And some old-ass things.

Then there are solitary things of Jhonen, being tortured by Filler Bunny and showing everyone his poorly drawn ass, but I'd rather not get into that.

( Ah, but it gets better. )

4:53pm: A coda to the FMA wank
A followup to the previous wank: same players, new game.

The comm founder, neneno, starts looking for new mods to replace naruto and mother. She gives potential new mods a deadline to submit their resumes and be considered for moderator status. People are enthusiastic and optomistic at first, until someone brings up doubts regarding one of the nominations, samaside, about her possible past merchandise connection</a> with Hot Topic.

Things quickly begin to fall apart as posters react with outrage to what is perceived as an attack. Things get rather bitter rather fast. Most people don't see the Hot Topic issue as a problem, but a few other people weigh in agreements to the objection, pointing out other problems with samaside, such as highly controversial posts she's made in the past, and her record of deleting comments to her posts that disagree with her. More outrage, on both sides. neneno gives samaside her full support, and indeed goes all the way and gives her mod status over the deadline and resume process. The wank continues, and spills over into personal journals. (There are more, but they're either under 18, or locked.)

[edit] neneno announces that samaside's promotion to maintainer status is only temporary, because samaside wanted to delete some comments. Whose comments isn't clear, since samaside is perfectly capable of deleting her own comments without being a moderator.

[edit2]: herongale posts an open letter to the comm founder concerning samaside's appointment.

5:14pm: Hey, another FMA wank! Well, not really. Just kidding.
Greg Ayres is a voice actor for ADV, and does a character in FMA... I think...I lied-- this has nothing to do with FMA whatsoever, but it's still wank! But this isn't about mere anime! No, in this case, Fandom really does Wank.
In the Greg Ayres fan community, a mysterious person named Melonice (journal has now been deleted) introduces herself. All is normal and ducky, even when Melonice makes another post that seems to overstate the obvious point that Greg Ayres is a Man, not a God amongst men (well, no shit). No one seems ruffled by this somewhat patronizing post, but...

...apparently Melonice was someone Greg knew all along, a close personal friend, and had been making nasty comments about his fans in locked LJ entries. This is a bit confusing (sorry, I know I promised to stop with the Confuso-Wanks) but whatever Melonice was saying in locked entries was enough to make Greg come to the defense of the rest of his fans. Greg doesn't say Melonice's Seekrit Identity, nor what Melonice said that made him so angry, so those details will be lost to history, I guess.

On his own LJ, Greg summarizes the situation somewhat more succinctly.

6:30pm: We're had enough of that Harry Potter crap - it's time to get back to the classics! It's been at least a month since the last "RPSers are worse than Hitler" wank.

Zubird asks, in fanthropology:

so, my question/topic is, what do people specifically find unethical about real people fiction?

There's some interesting discussion on both sides of the fence for awhile, but as such conversations are apt to do, it quickly devolves into doublespeak, double standards, and bizarre moral outrage.

The best of all three comes from mercy_asakura, who sweeps in to to explain that RPS is WRONG, WRONG, WRONG, and that she's a VIABLE AUTHORITY on the subject because this one time she had a STALKER. Oh, yeah, she ALSO lives in HOLLYWOOD, which makes her an EXPERT on the subject (not that she can give any examples. The people she's speaking to would be TOO STUPID to understand them) and it just devolves from there. Most of what she says makes so little sense that I'm not even going to try to paraphrase, and the amount of sheer stupidity and insanity (and currently, frantic backtracking) is far too much to quote, but it's well worth a look.

10:41pm: U jus jellus, part 2,905,074; yet more fucking HP wank.
The Leaky Cauldron posts a story suggesting that author Jane Yolen doesn't think the Harry Potter books are much cop. Also noted is the apparent similarity of a book of Yolen's to the HP series. This causes even the official summary at TLC to drip with stupid as it suggests that the quote was edited so as not to upset the readers, and then goes on to carefully (in a faintly stalkerish manner) note down proof that Rowling could not possibly have copied ideas from Yolen's 1991 text.

But the comments are where the real meat of the wank lies. As you might expect, there's a lot of "jealousy" accusations, a lot of "never heard of the bitch" and a lot of "I read her book and it was shitty, not like JKR!!!". But there's also "Shakespeare", coming to accuse people of plagiarising him, the suggestion that Rowling's books are some of the most original ever concieved, accusations that Yolen has plagiarised everyone from Ann McCaffrey to Roald Dahl and some voices of relative sanity suggesting that the author of three hundred published books mightn't feel the need to necessarily be jealous of someone who's had sucess.

For the record, I think it's reasonably likely she was joking about wanting a cut of Rowling's money. After all, who wouldn't?

11:03pm: Small, Developing Spuffy/Slash/Veronica Mars Wankage
Not sure how to introduce this one, really... but it seems destined to arrive here eventually, and I'm impatient.

kantayra asks, Was Fandom Emotionally Traumatized by S6 Spuffy? More importantly, did said trauma turn Spuffy shippers to slash? Can Veronica/Logan fans ever recover and move on to this new ship?

Inquiring minds want to know.

sisabet's response has been the favorite rebuttal so far.

11:32pm: HA, you wish you could get away!
Naturally, there is more H/Hr wankage, and from everyone's favourite Harmoanian, phoenixwriter. While I tried to make sense of what this person was saying, basically it was something about there not being a point in reading or even caring about anything related to book seven now that R/Hr and H/G are confirmed canon, correct? I know I must've read this wrong because half of this person's shit didn't make sense, but yes, full of the usual wank.

There was this:

HBP was supposed to make readers excited for book7 but for this the Horcrux's are a rather low reason also that Dumbledore is dead, we don't know how book7 will look alike at all. Harry don't want to get back at Hogwarts, with this in mind there aren't any predications and theories which have any likeness possible. The waiting for book7 will be one of the most uninteresting things we had in the past years in this Fandom. People were excited to get OotP in their hands, HBP just the same. Theories over theories and fanfictions were written and people were all due the 2 years willing and interest in this things.
Even the shipwars made several HP-sites more succesfully as they ever had been prev. OotP.

I had no idea no one was excited to see the final book and see how it ends? Just because H/Hr didn't happen we're not supposed to care anymore? The bitterness astounds me. Of course, read through the comments there at your discretion.

11:38pm: Hey, remember the wank in which Rob Schneider broke multiple jurisimprudence laws in a full-page newspaper ad? I couldn't find it in the archives, though I did discover that we apparently have a whole category for wanks about Roy Orbison in Clingfilm, which really wasn't something I wanted associated with wank in any capacity...

*ahem*

Anyway, Roger Ebert comments on the Rob Schneider wank here:

The movie created a spot of controversy last February. According to a story by Larry Carroll of MTV News, Rob Schneider took offense when Patrick Goldstein of the Los Angeles Times listed this year's Best Picture Nominees and wrote that they were "ignored, unloved and turned down flat by most of the same studios that ... bankroll hundreds of sequels, including a follow-up to 'Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo,' a film that was sadly overlooked at Oscar time because apparently nobody had the foresight to invent a category for Best Running Penis Joke Delivered by a Third-Rate Comic."

Schneider retaliated by attacking Goldstein in full-page ads in Daily Variety and the Hollywood Reporter. In an open letter to Goldstein, Schneider wrote: "Well, Mr. Goldstein, I decided to do some research to find out what awards you have won. I went online and found that you have won nothing. Absolutely nothing. No journalistic awards of any kind ... Maybe you didn't win a Pulitzer Prize because they haven't invented a category for Best Third-Rate, Unfunny Pompous Reporter Who's Never Been Acknowledged by His Peers."

Reading this, I was about to observe that Schneider can dish it out but he can't take it. Then I found he's not so good at dishing it out, either. I went online and found that Patrick Goldstein has won a National Headliner Award, a Los Angeles Press Club Award, a RockCritics.com award, and the Publicists' Guild award for lifetime achievement.

Schneider was nominated for a 2000 Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actor, but lost to Jar-Jar Binks.

But Schneider is correct, and Patrick Goldstein has not yet won a Pulitzer Prize. Therefore, Goldstein is not qualified to complain that Columbia financed "Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo" while passing on the opportunity to participate in "Million Dollar Baby," "Ray," "The Aviator," "Sideways" and "Finding Neverland." As chance would have it, I have won the Pulitzer Prize, and so I am qualified. Speaking in my official capacity as a Pulitzer Prize winner, Mr. Schneider, your movie sucks.