Mock. Mockmockmock. Mockity-mock-mock

1:10am: DTS: A town of peace-loving folk
Apparently there was a big kerfluffle at Devoted to Smallville, a major Smallville fansite/forum, that resulted in several staff members leaving. Well, said staff members weren't content to let sleeping dogs lie. They decided to start an LJ community dedicated to exposing the dark underbelly of DTS.

The comm gets broken in with the second entry, in which jr24tw posts an expose about DTS's various dark deeds, among which is stealing content from other sites. Naturally, the comments explode in wank. A mouse tells jr24tw to "stop liing!" They wank for a bit until janet_luthor shows up to defend DTS's honor. Accusations of ZOMG STEALING fly back and forth, but the fun doesn't really get started till banninated mice come out of the woodwork to tell their tales of woe.

Of course, what wank would complete without ship wars? phoenyx4 says her piece on the subject (and her repeated emphasis on "harmony" in this post amused me far more than it should have), predicting Clana-related wank in the comments (for those of you who don't know, Clana is the name for the Clark/Lana ship). She is not disappointed.

jr24tw then comes back with a post about how no one has gotten to know the "real" her, which spawns more wank.

( Janet brainwashed me! )

( More liing! )

The spooge had barely settled when the attacked party shows up to defend herself. Another DTS staff member makes her debut on this thread, and we descend into tl;dr back-and-forth for a bit.

The spooge seems to have settled down, but at least we set the record straight. Now we know that the disgruntled staffers left of their own free will, and DTS is now just a bunch of CLOIS WHORING DOUCHE BAGS! Mission accomplished.

12:54pm: Chemical wank!
(First post. Don't kill kthnx.)


My Chemical Romance bassist Mikey Way apparently hooked up with some girl named Alicia Simmons, who in true wanker fashion was immediately hated by scene kids all over the planet. People flock to ohihatealicia to complain about their favourite asthma-boy's sudden happiness.

Mikey discovers the community, is understandably shocked, and reacts with the good ol' classic dictionary definitions on his MySpace. Despite the lack of complaints and some overwhelming "awww tahts so sweet" and "oh mikey we agree!!!1", he feels the urge to state the obvious just one more time.

( Cue the wank. )

Six pages total of spooge later (and five more over at Alicia's blog), Mikey finally decides to never mention this again.

However, he does assure the fans that he does not have asthma after all and also is not bisexual. ...Maybe. Why, Mikey, with thousands of 12-year-old girls slashing you with your big brother, how can this possibly be a bad idea?

4:55pm: Won't someone think of the baby seals? They think of you... naked.
Ganked off of a mouse from wank_report.

So apparently, Morrissey has cancelled his Canadian tour dates in order to protest the clubbing of baby seals. His statement includes this delightfully Godwin-tastic gem:

The Canadian Prime Minister also states that the slaughter is necessary because it provides jobs for local communities, but this is an ignorant reason for allowing such barbaric and cruel slaughter of beings that are denied life simply because somebody somewhere might want to wear their skin.
Construction of German gas chambers also provided work for someone - this is not a moral or sound reason for allowing suffering.
If you can, please boycott Canadian goods. It WILL make a difference. As things stand, Canada has placed itself alongside China as the cruelest and most self-serving nation.

The real fun doesn't begin, however, until someone posts about it in morrissey_daily. Some agree with him, some disagree, some express regret about not being able to buy a baby seal sandwich before the show. Still others ask, "Can't we all just get along?" (Answer: No. No, we cannot.)