Mock. Mockmockmock. Mockity-mock-mock

8:55am: One Way Or Another, There Will Be Wank!
I'm tired of all this shouting and batshit. Let's have some happy wank. This may be the happiest wank I ever saw.

As corners of the Josh Groban fandom go, __grobanites is usually remarkably wank and batshit-free. There are no little old ladies stalking a man their grandson's age here... or at least if there are, they don't speak up about it. Oh, sure, it gets fangirly, but usually in a 'squee' kind of way that everybody agrees on, and by and large it is a sickeningly happy part of fandom.

In fact, it's still a sickeningly happy part of fandom, even when somebody's trying their lame little darndest to wank.

I therefore present for your edification The Candy-Coated Awake Non-Wank, in which wildesparrow tries desperately to cause drama and fails because everybody is just too darned happy.

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It begins when the mods post a request that there be no more file-sharing on the community. This is quite reasonable and cheerfully-worded, and even somewhat unnecessary since there has long been a mostly-unspoken consensus that the community doesn't file-share anyway. And so everybody seems fine with it... except for wildesparrow, who feels a need to post the following:

I don't know if I agree with this. But I'm a member so will abide by the rules....and share the files elsewhere. *Don't kill me.* Perhaps becuase I'm an insanely broke college student, who feels that money is better spent on surviving than feeding Josh's people. I can still support the music without spotting him $30 dollars for a few extra songs. I'm also not really excited about this cd *again no killing* Hopefully the comments here will not be deceiving about the quality of this cd and the music becuase right now all the music sounds the same as his other stuff (in my opinion). Perhaps then I will be more than willing to shell out the $30 I don't have to his cd label and "support music" as a better fan.

This comment was pretty much designed to cause wank. For starters, she broke a community taboo by using an icon with a bad word (perhaps if the word in question had been pink, it would have passed). Second and far more importantly, she implied that - HORRORS - this upcoming album will not be the best thing ever to happen to music anywhere in the world! (This fandom can be rather Catholic in its insistence upon the infallibility of the divine figure.)

So what happens?

Um... not much. This is __grobanites. People are nice about it.

People with names, that is. Then the Angry Anonymice arrive. I leave their likely identities to the discretion of people wiser than I, but I doubt either of them is Ms. Scribe:

No one said you had to buy the 30 CD and DVD one. Just go to wal-mart and get the CD for 13 dollars. And isn't the the point for his stuff to some what the same. I mean what do you want him to do county or rap? The style he does is what we all love and want so why change it and risk losing his fans. If you not excited don't by the disk and don't waste our time whinning about it.

I for one don't feel sorry for you at all. If you wanna be cheap and free load off other fans that makes you a sad fan. I'm a single mother of 5. lost my husband in the war. I seem to find enought money for child care, school lunchs and other things children need, food bills, car payment and i still found a bit extra to get Josh's CD. So don't cry to me about having it hard. You don't know what hard is. So suck it up and get over your self.

A note for the uninitiated - the $30 CD they're talking about is the 'Internet Exclusive Edition', which costs twice as much for a different cover and three extra songs. Like all overpriced collectibles in all fandoms everywhere, everybody complains about it (although around here they do it cheerfully) and everybody buys it anyway.

And what happens?

Well... still not much. The people with names deliver cheerful slapdowns and the mod hands out cookies and politely requests that the rude icon not be used again. All is happy in Grobanite-Land, and other than disabling of anonymous comments, the world goes on happily. No, you're not misreading the comments there - this really is the most drama this community has seen in months.

But wildesparrow isn't done yet. She wants drama and she's going to get it, darn it! It's time for the You're Mean And I'm Leaving post!

And what happens?

Nope, sorry wildesparrow - still no wank! People are nice, and point out that the incident with the anonymice really wasn't anything to get upset over. wildesparrow then refers to a vague 'series of things' without providing examples. And then people are nice about that.

I'm actually feeling sorry for wildesparrow here. She was trying so very hard.

12:42pm: My dearest camilla has already put this on fandom_lounge but I'll be damned if it hasn't progressed far enough to be f_w'ed proper.

faithfulreader is a very special snowflake in that he has a cock and he is gay. These two factors are important because that makes his word gospel over - well, say, mine, given that I do not own a cock and I am not entirely gay. But whatevs.

So anyway, he has written these guides on how to write slash: or more accurately, "how to write porn that I will be turned on by and will meet my fittingly exact standards for what I want to see, you big meany poo heads". And HE IS NOT IMPRESSED THAT YOU DON'T REVERE HIS VENOM COCK. What, the guy in the twenty-three hundred dollar suit is supposed to accept that other people have different standards for their porn? Come on!

Appreciate the irony in him calling the Draco Trilogy "brilliant literature" whilst deriding the HP series for being populist crap. Also, he is not about to let any of you icky people with your own individual fetishes hold your own opinion in your own LJ, oh no siree bob.

3:00pm: Snapes Off the Astral Plane or The Snape Who Killed COS Forums
Thanks to flying_phoenix who found a lot of these links and posted them on harmonywank.</b>

Tried visiting the Mugglenet-affiliated COS Forums lately? Should you go there, you'll get this message.

It has begun! The forums and the forum staff are taking a very well deserved break. I hope you all enjoy your weekend off, take some time to relax and forget about Harry and his trials... We'll be back up after the weekend when we're all mellow...

Thanks guys,

lanifiel

So what are the chances of this being an innocent rest for the mods? Yes, you're right. It's closed down because of wank. About Snape.

The owner of site sums it up here. Or rather, he offers up an explanation that only makes sense if you know who was posting in the Snape threads when and about what. Intriguing statements such as

"Of course I failed to factor in the Lily/Snape thread. That gets closed and various staff members who are only trying to help appease both sides are being routinely rounded on, both publicly and privately for having the courage to just stand in the middle and be a buffer or at least try to be with seemingly no result."

have no context for the uninitiated. So, apparently we've missed something completely insane on COS. Well it's never too late to find out. I did a bit of digging to get the story.

( They're Calling it the Snape War )

And because I have magical knowledge of how the HP fandom works, a promise. Anyone who tries to continue the war in the comments here will get mocked. Extra info. is fine. Why your side is so right is not.( Read more... )

More: CoS mod Inkwolf claims the forums weren't shut down because of Snape. The mods just wanted a break, I guess? From Snape wars?

3:08pm: Didn't see this here, so...
bad_rpers_suck wank. meesha is a bad RPer and doesn't care.

Cue squabbles, biting, and macros. Lots of macros.

( The original text, plus a few choice replies )

ETA: Oh crap I didn't see the friendslock icon there. D: