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Rod of Squirrel Nim ([info]eyebrowofdoom) wrote in [info]fandom_wank,
@ 2003-10-20 23:13:00


Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Belated Andre Schneider wank
Old news, but some things must be committed to record for posterity. I have done my excavation, and am proud to present:

The trials and tribulations of being the mod -- or being an entire moderation panel of your alternate personalities, as the case may be -- of a small non-official Andre Schneider yahoo group.



You may recall that Andre Schneider was a smalltime German comedian who claimed to know Orlando Bloom, largely as a result developed his own fanbase, and had become part of fannish canon in lotrips. Recently he booted a whole lot of people off his official yahoo group, and then admitted to the rest that he had made it all up about knowing Orlando. Naturally the admission was circulated all over the fandom and many people were understandably very flustered.

The small, unofficial group in which we set our scene still only has about 90 posts to its name, and 60 members, a good 30 of whom have joined since I did and therefore are likely to be of my stormcrow ilk. Before the Andre shit hit the fan, the only action was the moderator's website notices and a mini kerfuffle over a "save the kittens" hoax.

Mod's initial response to news of Andre's admissions:

I feel like my organs have been wrenched from my body...Andre is NOT
an actor, he DID appear in London's Burning and one other thing, he
IS making Deed Poll, but he doesn't know Orlando Bloom, Lullaby of
Clubland never existed, he has only just been invited to perform in
a comedy club in Germany, and he only just got confermation of his
first gig in Dublin. I'm not quite sure how ppl managed to see Deed
Poll though...

I am so sorry...I know you're all gonna leave now, but I WILL
continue with my site, it's going to take me a while to adjust,
but...well, I'm in a state of shock.


There is a bit of general clarification, distress and commiseration. In response to this poster, our mod has become more terse:

Poster: > He is a lair and a user and I
> can't forgive him. Sure my anger will pass, but there will be no
> forgiveness, I will just end up seeing him as a sad and pathetic
> man.


Mod: Then why are you still here?

The poster gets more het up, and digs up the mod's old website update notice, to reply:

Andre should do a one man show called diary of a lying cocksucker,
also rename your site www.Andreneedsmentalhelp.com


Touche.

Then suddenly, it's a flame war!

Mod: This whole fucking thing is one big mess. Will the nutcase kindly
remove themself and leave us in peace. Andre rocks whether you like
it or not, and who cares if he lied? He still wrote the book, and
he's still a very talented guy. I'm still trying to figure out
exactly how nobody from Orlando's management didn't pick up on this
sooner, but on the other hand it's brought more attention to
Orlando.

And I swear this time I'm within a few inches of pressing the delete
button...thankyou for your time, I have a few people to spam now.


The hostile poster responds in two different posts to the mod:

1. Atti would be forgiven when he is sorry but he is not. He's just
sorry he got caught.

**Anyway, I'm only replying to this message cause it was directed at
me. I'm sick of this Moderator sending me hate mail then trying to
turn it around like I'm the crazy person here for stating a opinion
and the FACTS to back it up. I left this group alone and I
practially forgot all about Andre and his lies, why she is bringing
this up and attacking for post made weeks ago is beyond me.**


2. The only reason I'm posting right now on this shit site is because
of your spamming emails. And I'm only posting to tell you to fuck
off loser.


Goodness knows what the mod has been doing behind the scenes in the meantime, but finally she has had enough! She turns posting off:

Subject: Posting off

I'm going to be the only one posting for a few days...I'm sick of
all the drama because Andre lied, quite honestly I don't give a
fuck. Andre was so nice to me over the few months I've "known" him,
he's a loving person, he's just naive and I must say he needs to
think his actions through a little more first.


At the end of the week, she turns it back on:

You may now post again, if you have any issues don't spam the group
with it, e-mail me personally and don't be suprised if I send a
fucked-up e-mail back coz I'm sick of the bullshit people keep
senfing me.

Anyway, have a nice day,
hugs


Have a nice day, but don't you fucking say anything to me, bitches, or I flame your ass.

Next a hapless chatspeaking newbie stops by to ask if we know Andre never knew Orlando!

does everyone here know that this andre schneider guy is a complete phoney and made up all the storys about the films he is in and how he is friends with orlando bloom?
trust me, i am not lying, he admitted it himself on his official yahoo
group....


Precisely *one minute* later she reads the group info and posts a retraction and apology:

sorry, i just read ure intro. you do know he lied. but i just want to know if u lost even a little respect for him after that.

One other person replies politely. The mod, however, is having none of it, and incinerates the fish in the barrel with a hail of automatic fire:

Yes I do know, and yes I do still have repect for him. As a matter of interest, how old are you? You might want to rethink anything you're going to post on here, as your last two posts sounded very immature... do you honestly think that we only like Andre because of Orlando? Grow up a little, he lied, we forgave him. Woo-Hoo! Let's throw a fucking party! And WHY, someone tell me, is everyone forgetting about the CD and the book, as well as all the times he made us (well...I'm guessing alot of you) laugh/cry at the group and what a beautiful, yet naive, person he is?

Broaden your minds before posting again...people like you really piss me off (and before you post telling me that you hate me, please remember that I'm the mod. Both of them. Oh the joys of multiple free e-mail...)

***Ck, and if you have a problem, e-mail me at ck@irresistibleandre.cjb.net instead of spamming up the grop and looking like an idiot. (Don't worry, I'm an idiot too)***


No!


(Post a new comment)


[info]phosfate
2003-10-20 05:41 pm UTC (link)
"Mod: This whole fucking thing is one big mess. Will the nutcase kindly
remove themself and leave us in peace"


But...you're the Mod...you...havethatpower! HelpmeSpock!

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]eyebrowofdoom
2003-10-20 05:45 pm UTC (link)
She's both the mods, in fact.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]dae
2003-10-20 06:50 pm UTC (link)
As a matter of interest, how old are you?

This was just the question I wanted to ask her, talk about powertrip.

and before you post telling me that you hate me, please remember that I'm the mod. Both of them.

Yeah? Wanna tell that to someone who gives a flying fuck? You're the sole moderator of your private self help group, I shall be sure to put on my impressed face when reading your emails in the future.

(Reply to this)


[info]iamtheenemy
2003-10-20 07:00 pm UTC (link)
::snickers::
I'm still trying to figure out
exactly how nobody from Orlando's management didn't pick up on this
sooner, but on the other hand it's brought more attention to
Orlando.


Yes, yes. It was Andre. Who brought more attention. To Orlando. It was Orlando who was benefiting from that hoax. It had nothing to do with that whole Lord of the Rings thing he was involved in. And even if it did bring more attention to Orlando, is being known for doing some erotic gay porn-type movie really the kind of attention an actor trying to become mainstream wants?

I can understand that Andre made a mistake. He couldn't have assumed Orlando would blow up SO hugely, and he got backed into a corner because of it. Orlando DID deny doing Deed Poll to any interviewer that asked, and seemed genuinely confused by the question. I really don't think he's going to be buying Atti a fruit basket for his efforts anytime soon.

::shakes head:: Denial is a beautiful thing. Especially to mods with some sort of apparent disassociative disorder who find it necessary to pretend they're two different people (WTF?).

Steph

(Reply to this)(Thread)


darthhellokitty
2003-10-20 10:37 pm UTC (link)
I really don't think he's going to be buying Atti a fruit basket for his efforts anytime soon.

Good think, 'cause I understand the produce aisle can be a dangerous place.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]iamtheenemy, 2003-10-21 02:50 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]veuki, 2003-10-22 01:07 am UTC

[info]covermyeyes
2003-10-21 12:05 am UTC (link)
Orlando who?

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]iamtheenemy, 2003-10-21 02:51 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]redina, 2003-10-21 06:18 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]iamtheenemy, 2003-10-21 06:51 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]redina, 2003-10-21 07:05 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]covermyeyes, 2003-10-21 08:15 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]bitpixy, 2003-10-21 08:09 pm UTC
An Idea! - [info]iczer6, 2003-10-21 11:40 pm UTC
Re: An Idea! - [info]elfy, 2003-10-22 08:49 am UTC
Re: An Idea! - (Anonymous), 2004-12-17 10:55 am UTC
Re: An Idea! - [info]zannechaos, 2003-10-23 02:42 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]covermyeyes, 2003-10-21 08:16 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]iamtheenemy, 2003-10-21 09:37 am UTC

[info]virago
2003-10-20 07:24 pm UTC (link)
So, like... does the whole "OMG U KNOW ORLI I <3 U NOW" logic make sense to anyone else? And if so, could you pretty please explain it to me, 'cause I'm blinking in puzzled WTFness right now.

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]sagralisse
2003-10-21 03:46 am UTC (link)
Wasn't it OMG U GOT N4KKID W ORLI!!!??

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]eyebrowofdoom
2003-10-22 01:38 pm UTC (link)
Hey, you should go join the list! :P This used to be wank numero uno among the Andre fans: my-Andre-love-is-more-independent-of-Orlando-than-yours.

You'll note the mod is strangling the newbie with this tow-line above. However, one might note how her two extra mod personalities are called iloveandre_uk and, wait for it... iloveorlando_uk.

Meh, I used to have some amount of affection for Andre as I (falsely) understood him to be. He seemed like such a silly, earnest, alternative-lifestyle, adolescent drama queen: it was endearing. He seemed like a good match for the endearing earnest silliness of Orlando. And I shouldn't deny the slasher in me liked Orlando having out, bi friends. Hee. Motivations pure as mud.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]raisedbyhyenas
2003-10-20 07:41 pm UTC (link)
Anyone who was playing him in an RP is. so. FUCKED. I find this amusing. Or maybe I'm just glad I'M not playing him. ;) That aside, this is all just pathetic.

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]phosfate
2003-10-20 08:54 pm UTC (link)
Nahhhhhhhhhhhhh, they could just run with it. It could develop, for instance, that the Andre has had Orlando in his rather unimaginative thrall for all these months, employing drugs, some kind of chip implant, or hypnosis. His control starts to deteriorate for some reason and reality sets in. Hilarity ensues.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]sagralisse, 2003-10-21 03:45 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]phosfate, 2003-10-21 05:35 pm UTC

[info]veuki
2003-10-22 01:09 am UTC (link)
*is glad she gave up her role a long time ago* Word to that.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]iris
2003-10-20 09:53 pm UTC (link)
*boggles* Oooooookay then.

(Reply to this)

on request
[info]sagralisse
2003-10-21 03:42 am UTC (link)
Next time we have a hoax regarding Orlando getting busy on camera, could we maybe leave out the flaying? Gak. Naked is good, but not that naked!

(Reply to this)(Thread)

Re: on request
[info]eyebrowofdoom
2003-10-22 01:20 pm UTC (link)
Oh, I dunno, I'm rather disappointed. I figured the budget wasn't going to stretch to effects to speak of, so the pretend-flaying was never going to be especially distressing. The whole thing sounded incredibly melodrama=profundity, goth-skool lame and I am all in favour of goth-skool lame nudity, let alone Orlando goth-skool lame nudity. *sigh*

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

Re: on request - [info]sagralisse, 2003-10-22 02:46 pm UTC

[info]rebeccasama
2003-10-21 03:55 am UTC (link)
I feel like my organs have been wrenched from my body...

Hmm... A few things could happen in my life that might give me that feeling. A publicity stunt by a mostly-unknown german guy is not one of them.

This just might happen on the dom/lij boards if one of them ever gets a serious girlfriend. *g*

(Reply to this)(Thread)


(Anonymous)
2003-10-22 07:05 am UTC (link)
The only time I even had a feeling vaguely like that was when I had my appendix and gall bladder removed. Of course, y'know, that makes fuckin' sense--dumbass publicity stunts don't.

~Julia

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]veuki, 2003-10-22 08:24 am UTC

[info]primroseburrows
2003-10-21 08:44 pm UTC (link)
I didn't even know about this. Boy, Andre did a number on everyone, didn't he? I read some of those "interviews". They looked pretty genuine to me.

Geez.

(Reply to this)


[info]orlisbunny
2003-10-24 05:03 am UTC (link)
thanks for posting this, eyebrow. i was wondering what's been going on at the yahoo group - and now i know.

(Reply to this)

I know where his parents live
(Anonymous)
2003-11-30 01:49 am UTC (link)
I've been a member on his forum and know that his family is his weak spot. Anyone in the mood for a little revenge?

I also have their phone number.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

Re: I know where his parents live
[info]system
2003-12-03 09:17 pm UTC (link)
See warning below.

Heed it.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


(Anonymous)
2003-12-01 05:55 pm UTC (link)
i had the "pleasure" of getting to know mr. schneider personally and found out one day on the net that all the stuff he told me was a bunch of lies. in his web-"confession" he claimed that he had informed friends and family (which i though i was part of), while he never "confessed" to me and even went on with his crazy stories until i confronted him. even his "i´m so sorry"-messages were just pathetic and full of self-pity. he described dramtically how he got cornered by "boardies" bla bla. they even stole his favourite cds - ohmygod! i felt like commenting "GROW UP" but that won´t happen. poor thing got stuck in his emotional development sometime around the age of 8, i guess.
he is a liar, pathologically. not someone to feel sorry for. he really should be institutionalized.
by the way - his berlin stage debut yesterday is said to have been a total desaster.
telling his own story would have been more entertaining, i think.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(Deleted post)
Re: why not posting it? - [info]eyebrowofdoom, 2003-12-03 01:13 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]eyebrowofdoom, 2003-12-03 01:23 pm UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2003-12-03 03:33 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]eyebrowofdoom, 2003-12-03 04:20 pm UTC
GENERAL WARNING - [info]system, 2003-12-03 09:13 pm UTC
Re: GENERAL WARNING - [info]eyebrowofdoom, 2003-12-05 05:13 am UTC
Further informations by Matti.
(Anonymous)
2003-12-03 10:22 pm UTC (link)
HI,
I had to discover today this forum. Apparently, someone has posted here the phone number of André Schneider's relatives. I am a former member of André Schneider's group and i had to know him personnaly, in the real life. To make things straight and clear (i have never been used to hide behind any kind of anonymous status), i am Matti. I am the former moderator who found out everything about this hoax, the fake André's carrer, the way he manipulated and is still manipulating his members for reasons and goals i have never been able to understand.
As a protection and even if i have never had bad intentions, André decided to lead a kind of pathetic "war" against me and some of my internet friends. I'm wondering now how this could stop... Apparently, fights became "entertaining" for a few ones... It seems like some people have opinions or interests in an issue which mainly belongs to André's privacy and mine. I can't write proper accusations without any proof, but i'm suspecting Atti to toy this lil affair. Let's face it : Who can expect personnal profit with those pathetic lil scandals. Who does need to make some buzz? Not me.
I'm now indirectly accused to have written on this board, a personnal phone number of André's relatives.
Well, as a matter of fact, i know André's personnal phone number and his parents' one. I can affirm that the number which has been posted here is neither one nor the other.
I feel a bit shitty to be forced to reply to those fake informations but i'm fed up now. Definately fed up with anything related to André Schneider.
But I won't accept to be smashed again or to be presented as the vilain of the story all over the internet.
Here is my personnal addy, feel free to e-mail me : matti.d@numericable.fr.

Respect,
Matti

(Reply to this)(Thread)

Re: Further informations by Matti. - [info]eyebrowofdoom, 2003-12-04 03:53 am UTC
Re: Further informations by Matti. - (Anonymous), 2003-12-04 01:26 pm UTC
PS by Matti - (Anonymous), 2003-12-04 01:56 pm UTC
A huge step.
(Anonymous)
2003-12-04 09:10 pm UTC (link)
I found the IP adress of the guy who posted the phone number.
On Official André Schneider Group, sunday, june 1 2003 9h47 am. Message # 42467. Re: GOOOOD MOOOORNING.
____________________________________________________________
From andre24schneider@y... Sun Jun 01 00:47:58 2003
Return-Path: <andre24schneider@y...>
X-Sender: andre24schneider@y...
X-Apparently-To: officialandreschneidergroup@yahoogroups.com
Received: (qmail 67632 invoked from network); 1 Jun 2003 07:47:58 -0000
Received: from unknown (66.218.66.217)
by m2.grp.scd.yahoo.com with QMQP; 1 Jun 2003 07:47:58 -0000
Received: from unknown (HELO n17.grp.scd.yahoo.com) (66.218.66.72)
by mta2.grp.scd.yahoo.com with SMTP; 1 Jun 2003 07:47:57 -0000
Received: from [66.218.67.254] by n17.grp.scd.yahoo.com with NNFMP; 01 Jun 2003 07:47:57 -0000
Date: Sun, 01 Jun 2003 07:47:54 -0000
To: officialandreschneidergroup@yahoogroups.com
Subject: Re: Gooood Moooorning!
Message-ID: <bbcb3a+uvt0@egroups.com>
In-Reply-To: <24.3f5ce096.2c0b0887@a...>
User-Agent: eGroups-EW/0.82
MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1
Content-Length: 247
X-Mailer: Yahoo Groups Message Poster
From: =?iso-8859-1?q?Andr=E9_Schneider?= <andre24schneider@y...>
X-Originating-IP: 62.206.117.180
X-Yahoo-Group-Post: member; u=119085584
X-Yahoo-Profile: andre24schneider


> It's night here and I've drunk as poo. Poo I say,
pooooooooooooooooo.

Lucky you, poo! I'm sober, fortunately, because I don't think it's
much fun being drunk on a hot Sunday morning after a whole night of
clubbing, dancing, flirting...

A.
___________________________________________________________

The X_originating IP is the same except the last 3 digits.

Well, i don't make any conclusion.

Bye,
Matti

(Reply to this)(Thread)

Re: A huge step. - [info]eyebrowofdoom, 2003-12-05 04:37 am UTC
Re: A huge step. - (Anonymous), 2003-12-05 09:52 am UTC
Re: A huge step. - [info]eyebrowofdoom, 2003-12-07 04:51 pm UTC

camilla
2004-04-30 05:43 am UTC (link)
Sorry to stir up old spooge, but this is just ... HAHAHA!

(Reply to this)(Thread)

The thing is... - (Anonymous), 2004-08-31 08:53 pm UTC


 
   
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