Current mood:	sporfle!
Current music:	"I know all there is to know about the crying game..."
Entry tags:	fandom: lord of the rings, person: victoria bitter

Lord, forgive me for what I am about to do.
But it's just too fucking funny to resist.

Remember Victoria Bitter? Sure ya do! After all, when someone becomes possessed by the spirit of Merry the hobbit, starts babbling in tongues, fakes her own death, convinces numerous people who really ought to know better that she's "Jordan Wood" (in other words, Elijah Wood, complete with a magical gender-switch that, according to her besotted partner in folie-á-stupid, OrangeblossomB the webmistress of the Bit of Earth fansite, included actually physically growing a dick) that's a person who's made themselves pretty goddamned unforgettable.

And now s/he is back! First on the side of a milk carton, then busted for identity theft. (The relevant post is about halfway down the page, by "Turimel".

The ~~suckers~~ ~~sheep~~ Bit-of-Earthers are stunned and shocked to find out that their pal "Mister Frodo" was A) a woman pretending to be a man, B) a woman pretending to be a man pretending to be Elijah Wood, C) a woman pretending to be a man pretending to be Elijah Wood pretending to be Frodo, D) the sole beneficiary, along with Orangeblossom, of quite a bit of the money the site raised through various charity events.

I have the feeling that this one is just going to get better, because wank involving Victoria Bitter is never less than operatic in its scope. Mean-spirited, I sit back and enjoy.

EDIT: If you want the Cliffs Notes background to this sprawling epic o' splurt, the lovely mpoetess has done an absolutely masterful job of recapping the whole ginormous bewildering tangled thing: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, and Part Five.

It's like the Citizen Kane of wank. It's just so beautiful. *stares*

EDIT 2: No, I don't know for sure whose identity she's being charged with stealing. Right now my money's on Elijah Wood, since one of the "charity events" was supposed to have Elijah as a celebrity guest and solicited donations and sold a bunch of tickets on the strength of that. (And this is, after all, the woman who introduced herself to Sean Astin as Jordan Wood, and then roped him into being the -- very perplexed -- go-between for her "marriage proposal" to Orangeblossom.)

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mpoetess
2003-12-21 05:59 am UTC (link)

At any rate, VB shows up at Connexions 02,is very cute and very engaging and completely loopy, and sports a thick British accent that may or may not be real. It appears to get thicker when she's drunk, which is a point in its favor, but people who have spoken to her parents and sister said they had no apparent accents. VB apparently claimed that they'd lost theirs, but it's not well known for middle aged adults to be able to lose an accent when their college age child can't or won't.

Among other fascinating behavior, VB gets so drunk on one of the nights of the con that she ends up passed out in some room that's not her own. Has a fainting spell the next morning from her hangover, so worrying that the EMTs get called. This happened; I was there for a lot of it, and friends were there for the rest.

Also at some point during the weekend, she ends up making a relationship connection with Versaphile. Post ConneXions, things go swimmingly for a little while, both people posting in LJ about how hopeful they are. VB is however angsting over the fact that she'll have to break her no-longer-deniable gayness to her 'childhood sweatheart,' an Australian guy (who apparently also lived in Virginia, as did VB's family) -- who'd already asked her to marry him.

Then VB starts posting that her parents have found out about this because he betrayed her to them, and they think she's crazy, might want to put her away. For being gay and a slasher, she implies. Uhmyeah. Or possibly for not taking the little pills that she's on to "sort out her head..."

Relationship-wise she starts disappearing from IM and not answering e-mails and generally avoiding Versaphile. Finally Versaphile arranges to drive out several states away to see her; VB avoids her for a day, finally meets up, gives some story about having to get away from her parents, and they agree to try to keep the relationship going -- as long as VB will be honest... Ahem. So as you expected, that lasts less than a whole month before VB gives the "I'm so fucked up; you don't deserve someone as messed up as me" speech (possibly one of the only verifiably true things she's said in the whole saga) and calls things off. (I'm trying to leave Versaphile out of this as much as possible, since she's exhausted to death of the VB wank, but central history is central history.)

(and more)

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	mpoetess 2003-12-21 06:14 am UTC (link)
	headdesk Note that "sweatheart" typo was mine, not a quote. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	(Anonymous) 2005-08-05 11:30 am UTC (link)
	Aaah, so she's the one who got drunk and passed out. I've been hearing tales about her all my three years of ConneXions... (Reply to this)(Parent)

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