Current mood:	sporfle!
Current music:	"I know all there is to know about the crying game..."
Entry tags:	fandom: lord of the rings, person: victoria bitter

Lord, forgive me for what I am about to do.
But it's just too fucking funny to resist.

Remember Victoria Bitter? Sure ya do! After all, when someone becomes possessed by the spirit of Merry the hobbit, starts babbling in tongues, fakes her own death, convinces numerous people who really ought to know better that she's "Jordan Wood" (in other words, Elijah Wood, complete with a magical gender-switch that, according to her besotted partner in folie-á-stupid, OrangeblossomB the webmistress of the Bit of Earth fansite, included actually physically growing a dick) that's a person who's made themselves pretty goddamned unforgettable.

And now s/he is back! First on the side of a milk carton, then busted for identity theft. (The relevant post is about halfway down the page, by "Turimel".

The ~~suckers~~ ~~sheep~~ Bit-of-Earthers are stunned and shocked to find out that their pal "Mister Frodo" was A) a woman pretending to be a man, B) a woman pretending to be a man pretending to be Elijah Wood, C) a woman pretending to be a man pretending to be Elijah Wood pretending to be Frodo, D) the sole beneficiary, along with Orangeblossom, of quite a bit of the money the site raised through various charity events.

I have the feeling that this one is just going to get better, because wank involving Victoria Bitter is never less than operatic in its scope. Mean-spirited, I sit back and enjoy.

EDIT: If you want the Cliffs Notes background to this sprawling epic o' splurt, the lovely mpoetess has done an absolutely masterful job of recapping the whole ginormous bewildering tangled thing: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, and Part Five.

It's like the Citizen Kane of wank. It's just so beautiful. *stares*

EDIT 2: No, I don't know for sure whose identity she's being charged with stealing. Right now my money's on Elijah Wood, since one of the "charity events" was supposed to have Elijah as a celebrity guest and solicited donations and sold a bunch of tickets on the strength of that. (And this is, after all, the woman who introduced herself to Sean Astin as Jordan Wood, and then roped him into being the -- very perplexed -- go-between for her "marriage proposal" to Orangeblossom.)

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mpoetess
2003-12-21 06:01 am UTC (link)

(look, I'll get to use all my icons)

--

*Meanwhile....*

Meanwhile VB is writing in her LJ about how maybe she *is* going crazy, because she's been channeling the spirit of a long-dead... hobbit. Not just any hobbit -- but Merry. Under his original non-anglicized name, whatever it was. She acknowledges that they're supposed to be fictional -- she doesn't understand why she's getting his dreams, and his automatic writing,or "learning" his language which is, according to her, Westron. The ancient tongue of Middle Earth.

A bunch of people of varying gullibility levels were following it and playing along; she even made an LJ for 'him'.

mauralabingi or one of the others who was around then might remember the name; as it is, I don't know if it's even still there. One friend of mine was monitoring it because of the language thing -- she actually did make a study of Tolkien's invented languages, and said what VB was writing was basically nothing Tolkien had created. Despite that, some of the more imaginative or less loosely connected to reality people were learning it from her.

Most of this is under friends-lock in the original VB LJ, but someone claiming to be said boyfriend/fiance thoughtfully provided a non-locked text version here, linked in the LJ on the sidebar under "A couple of edits I missed." Which means that he either "hacked" her LJ by the devious method of... knowing the password (which is about the only way to hack someone's LJ; why yes, it does annoy me when people drama-queen about this in other wanks like they've just been fucked by Neo and the entire Matrix cast without lube, thanks for asking) or he's really VB, just looking for more attention. God knows his own LJ has enough long transferred-from-deadjournal gothy pain entries in it, and he appears to hate VB with a passion, but then, VB appears to hate VB with a passion, and certainly has the patience to create an entirely different persona to support that.

Anyway: important new character in the drama: Orangeblossom, another LOTR person, bought *way* into the hobbitwank. I think she was one of the ones who was trying to learn the language from VB, so they could speak it together, and she possibly thought she was a reincarnation/channeler too. This becomes important because after VB plays the "I'm too screwed up for a relationship, you don't deserve my crap" card, she almost immediately starts one Orangeblossom, aka OB. Assuming she didn't have one going on the side already.

OB runs (or ran, since things are all up in alarums now) bitofearth.net, which in addition to being a popular LoTR fansite, heavily dedicated to Sam and Sean Astin, is the web presence of the Bit of Earth nonprofit project. BOE is a project to create a sort of reading garden for kids; they actually got Sean Astin to come help them dig, and dedicate it.

OB started out married (we assume, unless she's as much of a whopper-creator as VB) -- to a guy she nicknamed Strider. While VB was still posting in her LJ, she chronicled her trip to Portland to see OB and MSAllegro, she who is princess of the Domlijah wank, who at that time was friends with the other two. They met up and watched Goonies and squeed and went on some sort of pilgrimage or other to shooting sites.

Then we get VB disappearing from the web, basically. Posting a "Goodbye fandom, I have known thee well" post in LJ, and shutting up shop. Or so we thought.

(you knew there was more, right?)

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cimorene111
2003-12-21 10:11 am UTC (link)

VB and OB were actually co-founders of BOE--i think they had a little somethin' going on for a long time, anyway. it's my understanding that they had a great kiss at a con and decided to sacrifice the love that could be because OB was married, and just be friends.

except for the fact that they were both channeling the subconscious minds of hobbits who loved each other, or something like that.

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	iamtheenemy 2003-12-22 02:33 am UTC (link)
	except for the fact that they were both channeling the subconscious minds of hobbits who loved each other, or something like that. It's fiction. FICTION! What the hell is wrong with these people? They are MAKE BELIEVE CHARACTERS. They have never existed. Ever. At all. Steph (Reply to this)(Parent)

	versaphile 2003-12-22 04:18 am UTC (link)
	This is the kind of information that makes me want to use alcohol wipes to clean off the VB cooties. ugh (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	phosfate 2003-12-22 04:42 am UTC (link)
	::gives you large glass of cold juice:: It's okay, man. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	versaphile 2003-12-22 07:31 am UTC (link)
	weeps Not even cold juice can erase the shame! (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	minibalrogmum 2003-12-22 07:36 am UTC (link)
	offers How about Norwegian chocolate? (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	versaphile 2003-12-22 07:42 am UTC (link)
	sniffles Belgian, perhaps? (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	minibalrogmum 2003-12-22 07:47 am UTC (link)
	Belgian it is! With alcohol, of course, should one wish to get insanely drunk and forget everything. hands over care package (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	versaphile 2003-12-22 08:06 am UTC (link)
	You are very kind. rubs lips with steel wool (Reply to this)(Parent)

	phosfate 2003-12-22 04:37 pm UTC (link)
	Some shame is so outstanding that it should be worn proudly, like a Cop Rock crew jacket. (Reply to this)(Parent)

"Everything I doooo.... I doooo it fooor yooooooo..."

mauralabingi
2003-12-21 09:26 pm UTC (link)

What I really love is that the ex-boyfriend or "Ex-Boyfriend" or sockpuppet or whatever that is represents itself as a vEry dARk 3vil pAINed Gothboi o' Woe. One who quotes... wait for it... Bryan Adams lyrics. *dies*

I seem to remember Orangeblossom contending to the Bit-of-Earthers at one point that VB had faked her death, not out of a seemingly obvious need for drama, but rather to escape Al-Anon the Gothboi who was an Insane Terrifying Murderous Stalker and Out to Kill Her. Judging by some of the comments on this post, it looks like the BoE site still block-bans Australian ip addresses. Even though the Ex-B is not, like, actually in Australia or anything.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

Re: "Everything I doooo.... I doooo it fooor yooooooo..."

diamonde
2003-12-22 11:14 am UTC (link)

Because your IP is linked to your nationality, not your actualy physical location. Yeah. I have an Australian IP printed on my passport, I have to take it with me everywhere or be arrested for impersonating an American.

Which means that I can't see the wank! Unfair!

Although, it might not be the ex thing. She might just be sick of people pointing out that Victoria Bitter is a decent but fairly cheap beer then falling over laughing. I mean, I'm sure that's a cool name on some continent, but here it's only cool because we keep it in the fridge. *snickers* It's never, ever going to stop being funny.

(Reply to this)(Parent)

	Re: "Everything I doooo.... I doooo it fooor yooooooo..." (Anonymous) 2004-01-21 05:53 am UTC (link)
	Dude he was no stalker. Granted he was pretty pissed about the whole thing..but no stalker. Though I would be mad about being lied to as well ^.^ (Reply to this)(Parent)

(Reply from suspended user)

anu
2003-12-29 08:43 pm UTC (link)
I wouldn't mind the Twins without the lube. ;D
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(Reply from suspended user)

laymedown
2003-12-30 10:00 am UTC (link)
And all of the Smiths? ~~Please?~~
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(Reply from suspended user)

(Anonymous)
2003-12-25 10:28 pm UTC (link)
OB was married. That part wasn't made up. Strider is most definately real, and from what I knew of him a really nice guy.
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(Anonymous)
2003-12-25 10:45 pm UTC (link)
Strider was real, she was really married.
(Reply to this)(Parent)

(Anonymous)
2003-12-30 01:31 am UTC (link)
Australian boyfriend of Amy did exist. Spoke with him on the phone a few times.
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(Anonymous)
2004-06-06 02:00 pm UTC (link)
Just poking my nose in to register my amusement.

Also, to prove that I am a geek: Maura Labingi is Frodo's name in Westron. Merry's is Kalimac (Kali) Brandagamba.
(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

mpoetess
2004-06-06 07:33 pm UTC (link)
*nod* Merry's is the name under which VB had her 'channeling' journal, and I never remember it. Frodo's is easy, because we have a FW member who uses it. *points to original poster in this post* :)
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