Current mood:	sporfle!
Current music:	"I know all there is to know about the crying game..."
Entry tags:	fandom: lord of the rings, person: victoria bitter

Lord, forgive me for what I am about to do.
But it's just too fucking funny to resist.

Remember Victoria Bitter? Sure ya do! After all, when someone becomes possessed by the spirit of Merry the hobbit, starts babbling in tongues, fakes her own death, convinces numerous people who really ought to know better that she's "Jordan Wood" (in other words, Elijah Wood, complete with a magical gender-switch that, according to her besotted partner in folie-á-stupid, OrangeblossomB the webmistress of the Bit of Earth fansite, included actually physically growing a dick) that's a person who's made themselves pretty goddamned unforgettable.

And now s/he is back! First on the side of a milk carton, then busted for identity theft. (The relevant post is about halfway down the page, by "Turimel".

The ~~suckers~~ ~~sheep~~ Bit-of-Earthers are stunned and shocked to find out that their pal "Mister Frodo" was A) a woman pretending to be a man, B) a woman pretending to be a man pretending to be Elijah Wood, C) a woman pretending to be a man pretending to be Elijah Wood pretending to be Frodo, D) the sole beneficiary, along with Orangeblossom, of quite a bit of the money the site raised through various charity events.

I have the feeling that this one is just going to get better, because wank involving Victoria Bitter is never less than operatic in its scope. Mean-spirited, I sit back and enjoy.

EDIT: If you want the Cliffs Notes background to this sprawling epic o' splurt, the lovely mpoetess has done an absolutely masterful job of recapping the whole ginormous bewildering tangled thing: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, and Part Five.

It's like the Citizen Kane of wank. It's just so beautiful. *stares*

EDIT 2: No, I don't know for sure whose identity she's being charged with stealing. Right now my money's on Elijah Wood, since one of the "charity events" was supposed to have Elijah as a celebrity guest and solicited donations and sold a bunch of tickets on the strength of that. (And this is, after all, the woman who introduced herself to Sean Astin as Jordan Wood, and then roped him into being the -- very perplexed -- go-between for her "marriage proposal" to Orangeblossom.)

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mpoetess
2003-12-21 06:03 am UTC (link)

It comes out later that her post-VB LJ seems to be one now-deleted "padawans" who was pretending to be Elijah Wood in disguise. Again, a bunch of people were "in" on the joke -- only to most of them the joke was that it really was EW, and they were privileged to share the fact that he had an LJ. Lots of little winks and nods.

Silence, silence, all is silence for months. Then Versaphile posts an Elijah Wood AU manip in her LJ. It's a bdsm pic where he's supposed to look "consensually ravished" but he looks rather young, and quite a few people are squicked. As is their prerogative. It was made from a screencap of a 14 or 15 year old EW who is now well over-age, and the body of an adult (twink) model, though. So no matter what the fictional implications of the picture might be, no minors were harmed in the making of this movie, thank you, drive through.

There were a bunch of comments, some serious discussion but nothing that got too flamey, and she actually did make some changes because she didn't want it to look *too* young. Then she got a post from "mrfrodo" (LJ deleted) who was incensed, and said he was reporting her not only to LJ, but to the national FBI database for child pornography TIPS hotline.

Bunches of us pointed out that there is no actual child involved, so good luck with that one -- but of course Versaphile was freaked, though she was dealing pretty well with it. LJ did ask her to remove the pic, and she did. Mrfrodo is not satisfied at all. And aha -- who shows up to defend him -- and overdefensively correct my mistaken fannish assumption that mrfrodo was a girl? Orangeblossom. (LJ also deleted, but it used to be orangeblossomb)

Later that day or maybe the next, someone slips the word to Versaphile that Mrfrodo is actually... the ex who never entirely disappears, VB. Aha, some sort of an explanation for the vehement defensiveness on the part of OB, and the level of Elijah-protecting insanity of Mrfrodo.

OB shows up again a few comments later in the orginal picture post to reveal that "SOMEBODY appears to have a bad case of Ex Girlfriend, and now everything makes sense" to her and she's here to set the record straight. Mr. Frodo (who is the new treasurer at Bit of Earth, having taken the place of...wait for it...VB, but that's a Complete coincidence...) is NOT VB.

Yes, VB did come out to live with OB in Oregon (presumably OB has divorced her husband, as we never hear about him again) -- but VB was depressed and some time before had committed suicide.

Mr. Frodo is definitely a man (which OB can attest to having slept with him that night and been brushed by his Very Real Cock Thank You as he got out of bed that morning) and she doesn't appreciate her dead ex girlfriend being labelled as her current and very live boyfriend.

--

(aaaannd...... more as Grace's inbox gets completely spammed)

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cimorene111
2003-12-21 10:14 am UTC (link)

when she left Strider, OB made a post that clearly implied that he'd done something horrible. i remember reading and going 'wtf?' but it was something about how she had thought she knew him, and now that something THIS HORRIBLE had happened, her eyes were opened and she was grieving because he WAS NOT THE PERSON SHE THOUGHT HE WAS. and it was like 'i've left and i'm getting a divorce' and that was the last we heard of HIM.

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	(Anonymous) 2003-12-21 10:29 am UTC (link)
	I believe she implied that he stole money from her which, given everything that's happened with VB since, makes me suspect that he was either set up by VB or convinently placed to take the fall by VB. Either way, Orange was probably too into it all to see through it at that point. (Reply to this)(Parent)

(Anonymous)
2003-12-21 01:18 pm UTC (link)

So no matter what the fictional implications of the picture might be, no minors were harmed in the making of this movie, thank you, drive through.

I've never seen this picture, but if it was a screencap of an under-18 EW, it may have been a violation of 18 USC Sec. 2252 (http://uscode.house.gov/uscode-cgi/fastweb.exe?getdoc+uscview+t17t20+973+17++%28pornography%29%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20) (see 18 USC Sec. 2256 (http://uscode.house.gov/uscode-cgi/fastweb.exe?getdoc+uscview+t17t20+978+23++%28pornography%29%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20) for definitions).

I'm just saying. . .

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	allen 2003-12-21 05:18 pm UTC (link)
	As far as I know, the screencap utilized only his face. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	mpoetess 2003-12-21 09:02 pm UTC (link)
	That's correct; only his face was used. Obviously there were copyright laws broken, as there always are with fanworks, but as far as anyone could tell, no child pornography laws. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	mpoetess 2003-12-21 09:10 pm UTC (link)
	Hmm. By the definitions in the second link, maybe, as one of the definitions for "visual depiction of minor" is "used a photograph of a person as a minor in the creation of... etc. I stand corrected. Possibly. :) (Reply to this)(Parent)

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