Quite Literally the Mother of All Clay Aiken Wanks

Edited for clarity's sake and/or to avoid the C_A wank from coming HERE.

You guys have probably all heard of the LOTR tinhat brigade that honestly believe that Dominic Monaghan and Elijah Wood are having a gay love affair that is being cruelly oppressed by the Eval New Line PR machine. But most people don't know that the American Idol fandom also has its very own nearly identical brigade of tinhattery. Loosely known as/ gathered at the Cleegirls, a closed community for Clay Aiken fans who met on the LJ community clay_aiken, who congregate in chat rooms, most of whom sincerely seem to believe Clay is gay and having a secret affair with American Idol host Ryan Seacrest. Though there is now the beginnings of some minor backpedaling, folks from this group can be seen all over the AI fandom on LJ engaging in such charming activities as, for example, calling anyone who does NOT think it's probable or possible that Clay and Ryan are in lurrrve to be "homophobes," hopelessly naive, and "narrow-minded bigots." Echoes of MsA, anyone?

No, really. Seriously, stop laughing. And I don't just mean in RPS, of which there is an impressive amount although I think Clay/Simon is hotter. I'm not talking about the RPS slashers, obviously; I'm referring to the people who really and truly believe that Clay and Ryan are MENT2B4EVAHOMG!!!!11twelve!!! and hiding it due to the oppressive American Idol PR machine. Although I must point out that the slashers and the tinhats aren't two mutually exclusive groups at this point.



Probably the largest, most mainstream contingent of Clay fen tend to be moderate to conservative Christians, which is how Clay Aiken normally publically identifies, too, as do all of his best friends, who also were the people who have been spearheading his entire fandom since his first appearance on the show. Naturally this has lead to MONTHS of ongoing wank between "Cleegirls", and the rest of Clay's fans including people who have friendships with members of his family and immediate circle of friends (!!!!).

The "Is he or isn't he?" question has been brought up (and flambeed) so often that it's now called Bob, the Clay Aiken Sexuality Dead Horse, in the fandom. Naturally this has pitted Clay Aiken BNFs on either side against each other.

Given what we know of tinhat behavior, paranoia, and penchant for baseless accusation, I'll give y'all 3 guesses as to which side's been providing 95% of the wank.

Sooo... over on The Clay Aiken LJ Community, teenaged user sexystace is apparently now sexy AND pregnant, a fact which she mentions in every post. She's a "Cleegirl" and a BNF Ryan/Clay tinhat shipper, and she's really mad that tingilya and notthatlucky (who are more "vanilla" Clay fans, for lack of a better description) don't like her, and posted now-friends-locked posts (damn it!) about what a whiny irrational twat they thought she was. OK, I'm savagely paraphrasing there, but suffice it to say, she's not wrong that they don't like her. So, to disprove the rumor that she's a whiny irrational twat, it became obvious to sexystace that the logical thing to do was to throw a massive tantrum on the C_A LJ community about how mean the two girls were for not liking her and calling her a beeyotch. Because all 677 members of that community care. She also adds that this is in no way associated with the vanilla/tinhat drama going on... and then mentions her support of the cleegirls in her post AND all the comments. "It's not because you're not into Clay/Ryan shipping - it's because you're a mean assclown... and also, not into Clay/Ryan shipping."

Even her friends thought her tantrum was way out of line, though, and they tell her so in the post, and - people, it took me like an hour to stop laughing at this - sexystace became so upset about the wank that it is apparently CAUSING HER TO GO INTO PREMATURE LABOR!!!! AAAAAAHAHAHAHAH!!!!

Then in steps the lone voice of reason, asking why people can't post about disliking people in their own LJs, who is promptly smacked the fuck down, of course.

But that's not the end of the wank. Apparently there's elitist snobbery happening among the ranks of the tinhats, complete with accusations of cliquishness and pleas to think about THE CHILDREN instead. And that lovely bit of "Can't we all just get along you pain in the ass bitches" wank came courtesy of someone who was typing the whole rant with a broken hand.

I'm almost tempted to direct the Clyan shippers over to DataLounge and seeing if this time next year they're getting color-coded messages from Clay's socks...

ETA: BAHLETED! It appears that someone complained to the mods and the whole thing got taken down. If anyone saved it, please do post it. Otherwise, y'all missed a wank of beautiful, epic proportions. *wipes tear*