Ideology Wank!
Thomas A. Carder is both a psuedo-movie reviewer and an annoying fundamentalist Christian. He has a website that's dedicated to decoding all of the "bad" or "evil" things in movies such as murder (well, duh!), vomiting (it's a form of hate, apparently) or scary music (which is offensive to God... somehow). This guy is wanky by himself, but some of the fundamentalist "journalists" who defend him are even more hilarious.

Tim Cavanaugh's article, for example, first goes on to extoll the "scientifically proven methodology" of the CAP system. (Ehhh... all right, maybe it make sense mathematically, but I still don't see how vomiting is a form of hate.) Maybe not incredibly wanky, but I think it deserves the label of wank for this line:

Impeccable standards, really. By the CAP methodology, a scene of, say, a doctor merrily performing unnecessary surgery is objectionable regardless of whether it is featured in Doctor Giggles, a Farrelly brothers comedy or a civic-minded exposé of rogue physicians. With a short fuse worthy of John the Baptist, Carder invokes his analysis model against detractors who object, for example, that his abysmal score for Kevin Smith's Dogma missed that film's spiritual message. (In this reporter's view, Carder's disdain for Kevin Smith alone should be enough to get him into Heaven.)

I have no words. But nevermind. If that's not wanky enough, check out this. Roger Ebert apparently called CAPalert "insane." So Carder's sockpuppets... er, The Traditional Values Coalition launches into a GLORIOUS ad-hominem attack on Ebert, basically calling him a big, fat, dumb pornographer whose movie reviews will soon corrupt our children everywhere.

It's all lovely, really.