Current mood:	Righteous
Current music:	the howls of the potter fandom going, 'oh god, not AGAIN.'

There are no original Wanks in Hollywood, or the HP Fandom
Apropos of nothing, Tripzy, righteous defender of the D/Hr Love, breaks up the usual "If Draco broke up with Hermy would they get back 2gether?" chatter at FAP's Draco/Hermione thread with a classic Insta-Wank.

"I have written a letter, and I will be sending it shortly to JKR."

Dear Ms. Rowling,

This letter is in regard to your recent statement about a relationship between Draco and Hermione.

I don’t know if you’re aware of this, and I don’t think you are, but for many people a major part of their Harry Potter-fanhood is their 'ship (‘ship is short for “relationship“). Since 1999, long before the movies came out (which many fans, including myself, both dislike and discredit), there have been fans who ‘ship Draco and Hermione.

This isn’t a small group. There are thousands of people who believe in this ‘ship so strongly that they take the time to create art, writing, web sites, and more for it. We took our ship seriously. We believed in it. It was what made Harry Potter interesting and fun for us. I thought, personally, that the reason you were not giving away the ending to your books was so as not to ruin people’s fun. Well, you’ve ruined it now, utterly and completely. Who cares about Tom Felton? He isn’t Draco, and we know the difference. We are not schoolgirls giggling over a celebrity crush, and obviously we resent such an implication.

About 6 months ago or so, I created “The Outline.” I won’t enclose it, because it is long, but I will give you the web address if you have time to look at it: http://www.tripzy.com/content/reads/read.php?c=outline

If not (which I’m sure you don’t, because you only care about the fans who don’t like this ‘ship), I will tell you a little about it: It covers all 5 books, mapping out every bit of proof for a relationship between Draco and Hermione. It has convinced many people that we could be onto something. I’m mentioning it here for two reasons: the first is to show you how much I loved this pairing, and the second is to show you that the hints were there. I’m surprised that you didn’t even know you were putting them in, but you did. That’s what we saw.

I know you don’t care about one extra book sale, but that one book will go unsold. I am only speaking for myself here, but I know that many other books will also be left on the shelves by my fellow ‘shippers. This won’t make a dent in your fortune, I assure you. You won’t even notice the change, but I wanted to let you know it will be there when book six comes out.

All this time, I never thought you were writing children’s books, but now I see that you are. They are crowd-pleasers... but only the majority of the crowd, of course- not anyone who thought differently. They don’t matter. I don’t matter.

Let me take a stab at the ending, since I’m sure you’ll tell me if I’m wrong, right? You obviously have no qualms about ruining your books by giving away the ending. It doesn't matter that people are having fun with their guesses, even if they are wrong. But anyway: Hermione pairs herself off with Harry or Ron in a classic, meaningless, and completely forgettable relationship. There’s no conflict; it’s easy. Harry then proceeds to beat the Bad Guy, because he is the Good Guy and that’s what he does. Voldemort is gone, whatever poor sap that ended up marrying Ron comes out with 59132749 red-headed children, and the world was all smiles and joy again. The day is saved.

Is that how it’s going to be? Of course it is, you don’t even have to confirm that much. I guess my overall point is that you should stop pretending to care about your fans. Even if we were thinking of Tom Felton, which, I assure you, we were not, our opinion as people is still valid. That is our basic right. Now, you have taken that away, and I’m sorry I wasted my time on your books because now I see nothing in them.

With utmost sincerity,
(My Name)

I am hopeful someone might actually dare to suggest to this girl that if it weren't for JKR actually, oh, writing the books in the first place, she wouldn't have a ship--but given the tone of discussion I think it's more likely she'll be greeted with squees and applause.

Dead horse, meet bat. *flogs*

ETA: Responding to pyratejenni's frank and polite assessment of Tripzy's letter, Tripzy offers up the following brilliant retort:

You realize you read it wrong, right? You do realize that, don't you? Do you realize that? Is that realized by you? Has realization occured, and were you involved?

I think that speaks for itself. Oh, and she's now saying that shipping has nothing to do with it--the real crime is that JKR somehow *spoiled* the ending of her series.

Yeah. Those of us who were holding our breaths waiting for the big climactic ending where Draco singlehandedly defeats evil and whisks Hermione off into the sunset are just crushed.