Current mood:

*thud*

Johnny Depp Wank
Over on the imdb boards for Pirates of the Caribbean 2, nice_lil_rocker posts an almost-innocent if slightly dumb question: does any1 else out there just look at johnny depp and have an orgasm????

Starts out relatively un-wanky, mostly just girls going "OMGYES!!1! U RED MY MIND!11! HE IS LIEK OMG SO HOTT!!!!11!ONE"

ohmihermoso makes the error of dissent (if badly spelled dissent, and people retaliate:

I don't watch Johnny movies just to see him and his hotness. I watch them either because they are good movies or there's nothing else on. Johnny being in them and all doesn't hurt but I watch the movie for what it is, not for who's in it. Besides I'm not stupid.

but seriously... orgasm? I don't believe you actually have orgasm while only looking at him...

Which results in a rather interesting discussion of what type of orgasm these people are having.

That whole situation resolves, then browser555 shows up and the whole thing degenerates into an argument of sexism and pornography.

Browser555:You have no idea how unbelieveably pathetic you all sound! But you are girls, so it's expected

aley243:Pathetic??? OMG you are sooo sexist. Can i just say that it is mainly men that buy porn mags-fantasize over girls they know nothing about. Where as these women know something about johnny depp.

The whole thing just goes downhill from there.

Browser555:Ok, your post started out great with agreeing with me, and now you had to follow it up with saying something like this. Screaming everytime he's on screen?! Literally not being able to breathe?! That's almost as bad as having an orgasm by just looking at him. You are not any better than all those schmo's who have an orgasm by just looking at him. You deserved having your friends laugh at you, you deserved much worse as a matter of fact, I think being pegged with numerous insults is a light punishment, but it's not near as harsh as what's needed for anyone who either has an orgasm, screams, or can't breathe whenever they see this schmuck Johnny Depp.

Kaylyn:i agree with browser555 a lot of you people sound like idiots from what you are saying all this 'everytime i see him i have an orgasm' etc its just rediculous. are you not embarrassed at how sexually frustrated you must be to get turned on just by a PICTURE of a guy??
also what annoys me is these people who are all 'iv been in love with johnny depp ever since i saw potc' and then that is the only depp movie they've actually seen, or ever intend to see (i know a lot of people like that). its so stupid, you cant say you love someone after only seeing them in one film. you are in love with the character not the actor.
however, johnny depp is one of my favorite actors, mainly because of the unusual films he choses to be a part of. i dont think i would respect him as much if he constantly did huge blockbuster hits such as pirates, however great it was.

And at one point it also brings in the Orlando fans squealing that omg orli is soooo much hottter u r sooo stuburn.

Hey. You. Out of my fandom!

~*Ariel*~

(Post a new comment)

	amasaglajax 2004-04-24 03:34 am UTC (link)
	public class HotnessDetector{ public Actor detectHotness{ Depp.hotness() > Bloom.hotness(); return Depp; } } (Reply to this)(Thread)

	(Anonymous) 2004-04-24 05:36 am UTC (link)
	CLS FOR x=1 to 10000000 PRINT "Does Not Compute" NEXT x END (cough I'm still on QBasic here :P) (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	amasaglajax 2004-04-24 05:48 pm UTC (link)
	laughs I only know Java. That's what you get in a basic intro to CompSci course. ;) (Reply to this)(Parent)

	bemysty 2004-04-24 01:29 pm UTC (link)
	Icon! (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	amasaglajax 2004-04-24 05:48 pm UTC (link)
	!nocI :O (Reply to this)(Parent)

	alpheratz 2004-04-24 03:43 am UTC (link)
	Bwahahahaaa! I love the teenies there. Pathetic??? OMG you are sooo sexist. OMGLIEK TOTALLY! Also, Browser555's smileys are giving me a headache. (Reply to this)

	(Anonymous) 2004-04-24 03:48 am UTC (link)
	Does any1 else just look at Johnny Depp and have an orgasm? So are we going for "fandom wank" in the most literal sense? (Reply to this)

	coclytus 2004-04-24 04:00 am UTC (link)
	How can you have half an orgasm? Inquiring minds want to know. (Reply to this)(Thread)

	seventy_three 2004-04-24 04:01 am UTC (link)
	The phone rings in the middle? (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	muzivitch 2004-04-24 05:00 am UTC (link)
	Nearly ruined the monitor with THAT spray of Coke. Thank you SO much. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	pooka 2004-04-24 04:03 am UTC (link)
	Frankly, I'm pretty damn jealous if some one can actually orgasm just by looking at a picture of Johnny Depp. Just think of the Google image searches... And also. smacks the kiddies (Reply to this)(Thread)

	seventy_three 2004-04-24 04:35 am UTC (link)
	Yeah, if you can live with the risk of inadvertently catching a glimpse of a picture during, oh, say, a budget meeting, I think it'd be a handy skill to have. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	pooka 2004-04-24 06:36 am UTC (link)
	I'd take that chance. And carry around a photo in my wallet in case the meeting got boring. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	oulangi 2004-04-24 08:40 am UTC (link)
	Remember the 80's when answering machines were the new-fangled technology craze and for $89.95 you could get a recorded message from Don Johnson, Jonny Depp and various other teh hawtnesses saying: "[insert your name her] can't come to the phone now because we're having sex"? I miss the innocence~ And of course the spontanious orgasms whenever I called my friend's houses (Reply to this)(Parent)

	kindest_demon 2004-04-24 06:55 am UTC (link)
	Though that would make for a far more interesting budget meeting than I've ever attended. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	oysteria 2004-04-24 05:45 am UTC (link)
	I kinda want to beat Browser555 over the head with the dictionary definition of "hyperbole." There should be a law that says whomever mocks someone else by deliberately interpreting a humorous or enthusiastic exaggeration literally has lost the argument. (Reply to this)

	meshou 2004-04-24 05:49 am UTC (link)
	/Kaylyn:[...]are you not embarrassed at how sexually frustrated you must be to get turned on just by a PICTURE of a guy?? / Because no one pays like, money for pictures of naked people. (Reply to this)(Thread)

	zorronuevecolas 2004-04-24 06:24 am UTC (link)
	I don't pay. I download them for free from the web :) (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	starherd 2004-04-25 12:37 am UTC (link)
	I so have to draw and scan in some Samurai Jack pr0n. Just for you. :-D (Yes, am a Samurai Jack junkie; just look at adultfanfiction.net) (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	Re: zorronuevecolas 2004-04-25 01:41 am UTC (link)
	Really? Please, believe me when I say that I'd love you for ever and ever! ;) (Reply to this)(Parent)

	baskinglizard 2004-04-26 02:44 am UTC (link)
	You are my hero. :D mmmmm...Samurai Jack... (Reply to this)(Parent)

	pooka 2004-04-24 06:37 am UTC (link)
	I draw them myself. But it's purely for the artistic experience. Yup. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	meshou 2004-04-24 06:42 am UTC (link)
	Wow. Can you ~~share the porn~~ let us appreciate your artistry? 'Cause I really like art. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	Re: pooka 2004-04-24 06:44 am UTC (link)
	Er....no. runs and hides Actually, I don't have a scanner, or else I probably would. I'm proud of my ~~porn~~ creative figure studies. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	flax 2004-04-24 12:20 pm UTC (link)
	~~Porn~~ Creative Figure Studies are important to developing ~~hand skills no, wait~~ hand skills. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	pooka 2004-04-25 01:37 am UTC (link)
	Check that. Will bare breasts and animal parts suffice? 'Cause I do have this, which is a photo of a drawing I did awhile ago (I linked to it below, but since you asked...). Not very porny, but I'd be embarassed to show that stuff to people anyways. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	meshou 2004-04-25 07:42 am UTC (link)
	That's Fsking sweet. It's hard to draw boobs, but those look correct. Also like the style. gives you the Official Stamp of Awesome Ever considered a web comic or something? That's pretty damn good. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	Re: pooka 2004-04-25 07:50 am UTC (link)
	Thanks! I've had much practice drawing boobs. Ever considered a web comic or something? Yes, but I can't do one. My chronic laziness prevents it. It's tragic, really. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	big_bad_wolf 2004-04-25 03:44 pm UTC (link)
	My chronic laziness prevents it. They have electro-shock programmes for that sort of thing. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	Re: pooka 2004-04-25 07:38 pm UTC (link)
	I'm allergic to electric shocks. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	chaoscheebs 2004-04-25 01:25 am UTC (link)
	Ditto, although, despite that I'm pretty much straight, they're usually pictures of girls. Oh well, no one's complaining, so I must be doing something right. I do have to add a couple new pictures, tho'. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	Re: pooka 2004-04-25 01:33 am UTC (link)
	Ooh, verrah nice. Mine are mostly of girls too, despite my "prettymuch straightness also." Guys are hard to draw. The closest thing I have to my porny stuff is this photo taken of this drawing I did a few years ago. She's only half-naked, sure, but hey! Boobz! (Reply to this)(Parent)

random_dent
2004-04-24 01:48 pm UTC (link)

Merely for the sake of preventing the spread of STDs this talent should be shared. I mean, who's going to go to all the mess and fuss of unprotected sex when they can just look at a picture and have an orgasm? Of course, it would mean that guidelines on acceptable pictures on billboards were tightened up, otherwise road deaths would soar. And Johnny Depp would have to be prevented from appearing on daytime tv, for the sake of Public Decency.

Which leads on to another question. If seeing a picture of him is enough to trigger orgasm, then seeing him in person should trigger multiple orgasms. Then - since this is some kind of weird type of sexual interaction - can he be sued for sexual harassment?

(Reply to this)(Thread)

	littlest_lurker 2004-04-24 10:47 pm UTC (link)
	I don't know man, who would want to sue? (I wouldn't) (Reply to this)(Parent)

meshou
2004-04-25 07:55 am UTC (link)

I think if a mere picture of Johnny could cause multiple orgasms, no one would sue 'cause everyone would have them (and we all like orgasms). And the rivers would flow with Bailey's Irish Cream , and everyone would have wings of gaudiest platinum, and a pony made of roses. Johnny would sit at Tim Burton's right hand. It would be a paradise where all good things flowed from Depp's hotness.

But Johnny had to ruin it by not being the Messiah of hot, but merely a John the Baptist of Hotness.

I have no idea what I'm talking about.

(Reply to this)(Parent)

	nakannimi 2004-04-25 09:28 pm UTC (link)
	And what if she actually touched him? Would she spontaneously combust? And what if she had sex with him? Would the universe be destroyed in the second big bang that would result from the mega-orgasm, and would there be born a new universe in which billions of years later on the pLaneTT?omg!EEarTh!!! the fangirl race would evolve? (Reply to this)(Parent)

	virago 2004-04-25 02:49 am UTC (link)
	>>are you not embarrassed at how sexually frustrated you must be to get turned on just by a PICTURE of a guy?? >> Actually, no, I feel sorry for you because you can't. ...did I say that out loud? (Reply to this)

	frodaish 2004-04-25 09:54 am UTC (link)
	And JD is most definitely NOT gay. He has a life girlfriend named Vanessa Paradis (pronounced 'paradee'). She's French by the way. How random. She's French! That matters in my argument! Except not. This is one situation where both parties make my head hurt. Did you all know Johnny has a beautiful soul!??!? (Reply to this)(Thread)

	silver_keys 2004-04-25 07:22 pm UTC (link)
	guggles And he goes to church and molests young altar boys too! ...bwhahaha! (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	silver_keys 2004-04-25 07:24 pm UTC (link)
	**giggles. giggles. Gah. (Reply to this)(Parent)