This is not, strictly speaking, my first wank - I poked redpanda to post the first P@L diatribe about FW, but it's the first I'm posting on my own, and is not quite as epic or interesting, I'm afraid. For one thing, it's not well-paced in the beginning, and the wank is spread thinly across many pages.

A little background: Blind Guardian (aka 'the Bards') is a German metal band that has been increasingly innovative with its music. The band's most recent studio album was 'A Night at the Opera'. "jp20" disapproved of it, and started a thread called <a href="http://www.blind-guardian.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=8766">ANATO sux apreciation thread!</a>

Yeah, it's not that coherent in places. All incoherency as written.

<lj-cut text="it's revoltingly jolly, has no menace...">
<b>jp20</b>: i'm a Blind Guardian Fan and was totaly dissapointed with the latest album "A Night At The Opera".
IMO the album lacks speed & power, has to much choir parts, has the rythm guitar nearly inaudible, is overproduced, has not-so-good melodies, it's not the Blind Guardian we love, it lacks balls, i'd hesitate to call it METAL!!!...

((lots of people making fun of the thread title))

<b>jp20</b>:now i see that this forum is populated by BG Geeks. no one shares my realistic sober point of view

((people telling him he's wrong, nothing exceptional))

<b>jp20</b>: the beautiful simplicity was the ultimate recipe for unique music. but, strangely, it's authors don't seem to believe in that anymore. the are attracted to "symphonic music". they think it's better, more majestic. they're wrong.

((it heats up a little again))

<b>Guardian</b>: Your realistic sober point of view? Even people far outside the metal-scene are saying ANATO is a musical-masterpiece. Like it or not, it is the best album BG did so far; it doesn´t matter if you like the style or songs, but the "realistic sober point of view" is exactly what i described in the lines above.

<b>jp20</b>: and who gives a damn for their opinion? oh, if BG is gonna carry on the ANATO way soon only non-metal people will enjoy their music.

<b>Orodaran</b>: In facts, the world is full of MTV watchers that truly enjoy a 14 minute song that deals with a different topic than "baby I love you" or "cops suck"

<b>jp20</b>: well, no but old ladies might start to enjoy it


((argument about relative 'metal' content in albums))

<b>Guardian</b>: And who gives a damn tiny little piece of shit about your opinion,Mr.Sober?
People outside metal are fags ->
Boston: Fags
Beatles: Fags
Bruce Springsteen: Fag
Bob Dylan: Fag
...
Yeah,you´re definetly right

<b>superyak8u</b>:jp20 is a fool. i dare even to call him a <b>fool of a took</b> Blind guardian does not need your foolishness. all the true fans must unite to face this new polish threat. all those who oppose this man steel yourselves (steeling your fingers only will do, due the mass amount of typing ahead of us). that is all

jp20:all true fans are obliged to help their beloved band! we must show them what a mistake they made to allow their past glories to be reborn!

jp20(replying to people)
<i>Orodaran wrote:
What on earth are you talking about?????????? </i>

if some people would support this thread and Marcus or somebody from BG entered it they could realise their mistake and make the next album more metal, as the true fans want it.

<i>Gandalf de Grijze wrote:
ell, if it really was a mistake, then why are you so alone in your opinion (not totally, but almost)</i>

you'll have to anwser this yourself. ask: "how can i like such a bad album?"
<i>V0lcaN0 wrote:
I'd say stop dealing with him... he might stop</i>

if you prefer this over fair, logical discussion... you're free to go

<b>Orodaran:</b>jp20, this thread has shown you are ABSOLUTELY ALONE in your opinion. You don't like ANATO? fair, no one forces you to like it. But don't act like YOUR opinion is shared by everyone because is NOT. Face it. The vast majority of the fans LOVE ANATO. Face it. Someone like it in a normal way. Someone don't like it. You are the very first person that has such a pathologic hate toward ANATO. understood? the FIRST one.
So stay alone with your opinion, realize is an opinion and quit to sell us this shit as fact because the FACT is that ANATO IS MORE OR LESS GENERALLY LOVED BY BLIND GUARDIAN FANS. This is a FACT and, while saying "I don't like ANATO" is an opinion of yours that you have the right to have and say, say that the album is a complete failure and that no one loves it it's a LIE.
I hope this message will get through.
Remember: NO ONE THINKS ABOUT IT LIKE YOU.

<b>jp20</b>a) everything i say is of course my opinion. i won't add an immhapwao before everything i say (immhapwao = in my most humble and probably wrong anyway opinion).
b) but facts are what i wrote before: ANATO has no good riffs, it's revoltingly jolly, has no menace.
c) i don't have any pathologic hate towards ANATO. as just an album, it's quite okay. but as a BG album it's poor and definately the worst one.
d) if i would encounter such a thread being in a band i would definetely enter it and argue.

<b>Gandalf de Heerscher</b>you wouldn't say that after hearing those songs live!!!
yesterday the songs with most riffs and menace were the ANATO songs.
and why does metal have to have very hard, loud, overtuning riffs, with a lot of menace and no joy at all???????
(personally i'd not say anato was jolly, the emotions i hear in the music, the atmospheres it creates are full of anger or fear most of the times, other times it is full of questioning and testing, but especially not JOLLY)

<b>Gallows Pole</b>: Ok hanging is a nice one but we HAVE to torture him first and make he listen to ANATO a million times until he likes it.. and then we hang him...
oh my god I will feel good....

<b>jp20</b>:sudden odd changes are called a mutation. ANATO is a mutated breed of NIME. the guitars are in atrophy...

and I think I'll cut off there. That's halfway through page three, and there are six more pages. <a href-"http://www.blind-guardian.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=8766&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=100">Continue from here....</a>
</lj-cut>

Disclaimer: I like Blind Guardian. I also like Night at the Opera, though it took a little while to grow on me. Fourteen minute songs about the fall of Troy are nifty.

Bonus if you've made it this far - a quote from another thread: "Ahhhhh... people are fagging up the thread with human-elf sex talk! Shampoo, not elfsex!"