Current mood:

OMGWTF

PORN is Teh EVAL and Gordon Sumner thinks so too!!1!1!!!!!
We had a fun little bit of wankery on the Police mailing list this month.

It all begins when a mysterious creature named CareTalk posts a nonsensical rant about Howard Stern:

Subj: Attention : Howard Stern
Date: 5/7/2004 3:02:06 PM Central Standard Time
From: Care Talk
To: sternshow at howardstern.com
CC: AnimalAbuseSignatures at yahoogroups.com

It isn't The Government muzzeling you, it is me who is responsible for it.

Say Good Bye to your whole career, because you are washed up, and are
completely out, and I couldn't be happier.

Mr. Gordon Sumner didn't appreciate your antics with his ex-wife being
broadcast.

Gordon happens to be completely against PORNOGRAPHY.

Sincerely,
Tabatha
CareTALK, Inc.

AnimalNewz.TV
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Michelle asks, "Who named you official spokesperson for Gordon Sumner?", for which CareTalk has no reply except to then post an announcement for the new "Official Police Fan Club" -- including a bunch of URLs, none of which are working yet, nor does she answer any challenges as to how she got permission launch an official club.

It also starts spamming the list with newsletters from the Official Sting site, "Ethical Websites Associated with The Police", and another post about banning pornography that proclaims "There isn't a person alive who can seperate me, and MY 3 men, who happen to be The Police. Yet, it is amazing how many idiots try. It makes us laugh in delight." Gollum jokes follow.

There's simply too much good wank that follows to list all the individual posts. Just
start here, look for the "[Police] Attention : Howard Stern " post and basically everything that follows after that. It really gets fun when Sting--sorry, GORDON, as CareTalk/Tabitha insists--shows up himself.

(Post a new comment)

sagralisse
2004-05-11 04:38 pm UTC (link)

After viewing the harrassment on this list personally, I will be sure to send
an invite through as soon as possible, so anyone who is actually a fan of The
Police can be welcomed unto a proper Fan News List.

The named people are not only in violation of harrassment, they are indeed in
violation of verbal abuse.

I can assure all of you that no amount of harrassment will be welcomed, or
allowed on The International Official Police News List found @ The Official
Police Fan Club Website.

All of us at The Official Police Fan Club look forward to seeing many of you
there.

Our best advice to anyone who is a fan, is to just ignore the abusers on this
list, because they are indeed not fans.

Sincerely,
Tabatha
CareTALK, Inc.

Dear Tabatha,

Please stop mangling me. What did I ever do to you?

Sincerely,
The English Language

(Reply to this)(Thread)

	bubosquared 2004-05-11 06:04 pm UTC (link)
	I need a "The English language compels you to STFU" icon! (Reply to this)(Parent)

	mooncalf 2004-05-11 09:02 pm UTC (link)
	The English language ought to blame her parents. No sooner was she born than they mispelled 'Tabitha' on her and the child grew up twisted and uncaring! (Uh, if 'Tabatha' is actually a well-known variation on Tabitha with historical evidence behind it, ignore me.) (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	blackjackrocket 2004-05-11 11:01 pm UTC (link)
	Yep, it appears in my name book. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	mooncalf 2004-05-11 11:57 pm UTC (link)
	Crap! beats herself with the Stick Of Another Lame Joke Lost To The Facts (Reply to this)(Parent)

	phosfate 2004-05-11 04:43 pm UTC (link)
	"I'm Gordon Sumner, and this has been...one to grow on." (Reply to this)

	marginalsanity 2004-05-11 04:48 pm UTC (link)
	Oh the fun. (Reply to this)

	llama_treats 2004-05-11 06:55 pm UTC (link)
	Am I the only person who's ever seen "Brimstone & Treacle"? That nearly qualifies as porn. Bad porn, at that. (Reply to this)(Thread)

	sidewinder 2004-05-11 07:11 pm UTC (link)
	Nope. I hate to admit it but I actually own that one on DVD. :: facepalm :: Seriously though, if you want to see Sting (and Trudie) in bad semi-porn, see "The Grotesque" (also known as "Gentlemen Don't Eat Poets", but "The Grotesque" is so much more appropriate, believe me...) (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	llama_treats 2004-05-11 07:48 pm UTC (link)
	It's out on DVD? OK, I've officially lost all faith in humanity. (Please tell me you just bought it for the soundtrack...) (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	sidewinder 2004-05-11 08:03 pm UTC (link)
	erm...yeah...the soundtrack...of course! That's why. Yep. Well, that and I get great amusement out of mocking Sting's acting. And there's no denying he is much Teh Pretty in it. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	llama_treats 2004-05-11 08:11 pm UTC (link)
	Personally, I prefer to mock Sting's acting in Dune: And now, Sting teaches us how to inflect: I will kill him I will kill him I will kill him I will kill him... As far as I'm concerned, his best part was in The Adventures of Baron Munchausen, where he had one or two (very short) lines and then his character was killed. But that's just me. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	serai 2004-05-12 02:35 am UTC (link)
	Well, he wasn't all that bad in Stormy Monday. And that film has the advantage of a very cute leading performance by Sean Bean, back in his young'un days. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	kijikun 2004-05-12 05:03 am UTC (link)
	What we were supposed to be listening to his lines in Dune? I thought I was supposed to be staring at his ass and other parts. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	kijikun 2004-05-12 04:39 am UTC (link)
	I'm still trying to figure out if that really is sting..and if this chicka is going to be sued (Reply to this)(Thread)

	sidewinder 2004-05-12 04:47 am UTC (link)
	Well, considering we've just had God join the fray, I suppose anything is possible. Or not. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	I apologize in advance for the following comment: llama_treats 2004-05-12 05:01 am UTC (link)
	O my God you take the biscuit, treating Tabatha that way! (Reply to this)(Parent)

	sunhawk 2004-05-12 10:29 am UTC (link)
	i love when celebrities join in on the fun, if that is indeed Sting! XD (Reply to this)(Thread)

	sidewinder 2004-05-12 02:09 pm UTC (link)
	Well, considering it's a hotmail account, and the name is spelled GRODON, not Gordon? I would not place high expectations on that.... Still it's hella funny. (Reply to this)(Parent)