Van Helsing Wankage. Mmm darkness and doom.
Fresh meat! My first wank.

Whenever I feel the need for a good wank, I just head on over to an IMDb message board and click a random link. There's bound to be something in there somewhere.
Today, I was not disappointed.

Van Helsing has been out for a few days now, more then enough time for some decent wankage.
wet_dog starts off my favorite wank thus far by pointing out the improbability of one of the action sequences in this movie. Despite the fact that he's arguing the logic of something in a movie with semi-automatic crossbows, he actually pleads a pretty good case. I can almost see the diagrams he drew to reference from.


The first couple posts after that stay pretty much on topic. Then, out of left field, britbuffguy decides to point out that nothing is as stupid as that one scene in RotK. You know, that one totally improbable scene?
Since we've totally wandered off topic, katran1 decides to point out that britbuffguy has no concept of historical reality whatsoever. Others agree.

Some idiot decides to take it back on topic again.
Somebody decides to cause a bit of brain hemorrhaging by bringing up time travel. I'm still confused.

wet_dog steps back in to point out his original point. And then point out some other stuff too. And mention LotR. Because every movie should be connected to LotR. Constantly. And compared to. Especially if they point out why LotR sucked more.
I'm sorry, what message board was I on again?

Some asshat decides that if we're invoking the Holy Trilogy, why the heck not bring the Bible into it too. He even includes the little numbers so you can look up the references. How cute. I tuned it out by the second sentence, but I'm sure there was something wanky in there somewhere.

orie0943 remembers that there was a topic originally, and decides to debate it with some good points of his own. wet_dog disagrees.

krazyfrank finally decides that this debate is stupid (god it took long enough didn't it?) and points out that A: it's just a movie, and B: it's a movie with werewolves and vampires. Apparently we shouldn't be too concerned with realism. And it sucked anyway.

More back and forth debate ensues about whether or not one should expect logic from a flick with Frankenstein in it. objectivist decides to nip the polite babble in the butt and just call everybody a "moron".

People start getting kinda pissy. But not really over the "moron" thing. Really, they're just irate because basic laws of physics are still being blatantly ignored. To shame.

Tower 1, Tower 2, Tower A, and Tower B are analyzed a few more times. Then analyzed again. The people that hated the film admit to seeing it again just to figure out wtf is going on. I'm pretty sure I heard a few brains implode at one point.

freedomsknight takes it upon himself to point out that everybody who cares one lick about this movie, or the probabilities contained within, is pretty dumb. Which is really funny when one takes into account just how many times he posted in this thread before reaching this conclusion.
A few of the more beautiful examples from his post:
1) And one day, you will learn that a piece of crap with a buncha pretty pictures ISNT a movie.
B) but dont *beep* with us because we dont see the entertainment in a 2 hour flash demo with no plot, lines or story (I'm not entirely certain who "us" is. Maybe his alternate personality was fed up with the discussion too)
3) THE HORSE IS FUKIN DEAD! EVEN I REALIZED THAT!
Tears came to my eyes at the beauty of that last one.