Man, and the movie hasn't even been out for a week . . .
Hee hee! More IMDB!wank! This time it's over a supporting-actor-almost-extra in Troy, Garrett Hedlund. The board starts off innocently enough, with a thread over someone who remembers him from high school, how sweet. Then there's a small wank over the lack of homosexuality in the movie that leads to a greek history lesson. Then the fangirls start with "OMG! He so liek totly needs a fanclub!" and "I just started a fanpage! This is so cool!". Then a thread that starts with "OMG, he is so cute! I think Brad and Garrett are brothers!" to "I heard they were lovers!" which ends in a rant by hardcorezack on how totally stupid that is. Then comes the hardcore wank.


jaredm222 starts a totally wanky thread entitled "Garrett loves pizza". It's full of wank over how Garrett should be fat because all he eats is pizza, and jaredm222 is pissed because Garrett slept with his Aunt last time he visited. Next comes a thread by duckmaster 9000 who declares Garrett has "touched my butt, on numerous and i have a wooden mallet that has been down his pants. oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!!" This is responded to by purpleracoonz, who says Garrett is stuck up, and Dru, who has no clue what's going on. EverettDrive responds by saying s/he "knows Garrett Hedlund down to great detail and depth" and those that are putting him down just don't know him. hearmenow chimes in with this amazing piece of wank:


I dont know Garrett personally, but some people i personally know know him on a personal level. That in mind, let me say that I have never come across a more magnificent specimen of man than G.H. (anyone that really knows him calls him that, he prefers initialed names) I've seen him rescue a shoebox full of newborn kittens from a burning building. He's travelled to Burma to innoculate children sick with yellow fever. And he's not from Scottsdale, he's from Maine. His family owns a maple sugar bottling company. Thats why his hair is blonde. He spent his childhood swinging from trees, collecting sap to make maple sugar. Years of that in your hair turn it blonde. He only sleeps an hour a night and lives off a strict diet of HI C and sherbert ice cream. I went to school with him. I know. TRUST ME.
sorny9 then chimes in to say he went to junior high with Garrett in Roseau, MN, and he wasn't stuck up or mean, he was a huge slacker. Man, this guy lives everywhere, huh?


jpauls chimes in with a crack about G. H. being "a maple-tree-swinging" paranoia freik, then logs in 5 posts later undermonkey-69 to wank about no one replying to his post. More wank about how it's impossible that all these people know Garrett, then Garrett himself logs on under the name Preacha to post this:


Hi its me Garrett. Why do you all talk about me like this?
I mean it takes the piss. Only one person got me right; and yes I still love swinging on maple-trees; however my hair's getting less and less blonde by the day...because now I don't swing on that stuff anymore.


zaler-j must then start a thread putting all the rumors ((what rumors? Must be in all those deleted posts!)) to bed:


Most of this stuff about Garrett is insane.

I know Garrett, and have known him since sophomore year french class at HHS in Scottsdale. Garrett is a great kid, dated a really sleazy girl by the name of Chealsea N. while in school. They were like a power couple most of junior year at school.

Garrett and Chelsea broke up and she spread a ton of terrible *beep* about him. At one point she tried to tell people that he was in the closet and had a confused sexual identity. You can imagine this stuff got progressively worse during the early months of our senior year, aug-dec. of 2002. The reason was that Garrett was increasingly landing more modeling roles and appearing in more national publications, leading Chelsea (who has a fraternal twin named ashley, and both are freshman at SDSU in San Diego) to become quite hostile toward him.


kristen-e-mclaughlin chimes in with 'Chelsea is so not slutty! You shouldn't judge anyone, let alone her!" (paraphrased). xero95 chimes in with the obvious: "lol wow it seems everyone knows everyone here.. odd thing for a country with 300 million people". gatr1984 puts them both down for talking about Chelsea instead of the uber!cool Garrett, since their relationship is water under the bridge. photomasta agrees, because Garrett is a great guy, and drewe3 chimes in with a rebuke as well. Dru calls them all out, since he's apparently Garrett's friend too:
HAHAHAHAHAHHA.


This is seriously the funniest thing I have ever read in my ENTIRE life. A bunch of kids I hated arguing over a kid who you all want to own up that you shared a "moment" with because you want to be special.

I knew who Garret was all 4 years and yea, I thought he was cute but I'm not gonna sit here and make up some *beep* story about how we shared a milkshake at In and Out or something because I'd be lying.

I never talked to the kid in my entire life and therefore I wouldn't be surprised if he had no idea who I was.

I know for a fact that some of you kids ran around in the same crowds Kirsten, for example and obviously Brett because he was class president.

For you Jason to sit here and call Chelsea a sleaze because she probably wouldn't put out for you is hysterical. Dude, it's not like you're the best guy ever either. Yea, we were friendly with eachother but you're kind of a douche.

In any case, Ashley was the ditzy twin not Chelsea and no matter how fake they are or slutty they may be (I don't know because I don't care to prode into their private lives) it doesn't affect you. High school is over with, move on and get over it because 10 years from now you'll realize that none of this *beep* matters.


ThisSeptember then chimes in with this awesome post about how the drama on the board is much better than what any plotwriter has come up with so far. Please, go read. It's hilarious.