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sinful words ([info]and_chocolate) wrote in [info]fandom_wank,
@ 2004-05-24 16:38:00


Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Current mood:energetic

The Haven Project (or, "Pretentious? Moi?")
The Haven Project is an "expandable archive for Orlando Bloom fandom slash stories. The stories selected have been reviewed by a panel of knowledgeable slash fans and writers, and have been found to be exceptional." (from the FAQ)

Okay, so that's just a little wanky. Reading further down in the FAQ, though, we get to really wanky.

Who is on the review board and why are they part of The Haven Project?
The review board is comprised of writers, readers and scholars of slash.

Every member of the panel is a long-time slasher with an understanding of the elements of story telling and a sturdy grasp of the canon in all of Orlando Bloom’s fandoms. They each have extensive experience with the mechanics of writing and the study of literature, both professionally and recreationally. But like reviewers of film, art, and literature, it is a love of the artform that has brought the members of the review board to this project. The board members are not control-freaks, disgruntled authors, or bitter elitists. They want to encourage and support slash authors – experienced and inexperienced alike – because they believe that even “just slash” can aspire to excellence. Their goal is to foster and promote the talents and efforts of slashers who want to achieve excellence with their stories. They love slash and see no reason to settle for less than good writing.


They're pretty willing to talk about how fantastic they are, but they didn't actually answer the question, now did they? Which leads us to:

Why are the board members and site creators anonymous?
One reason for anonymity is that public knowledge of who is on the board could compromise the objectivity of the board’s evaluations through outside pressure ranging from obligations to harassment.


Or, you know, it could make them take responsibility for their opinions. It's easy to speak your mind while hiding behind a mask of anonymity (see the whole fandom_scruples wank for more on that theme).

Secondly, there is some concern that revealing the identities of the panel would overshadow the excellent authors featured at this site. As the site wishes to exalt, praise and assist serious writers, anything that threatens their spotlight will be stringently avoided.

Wow. This is possibly the most pretentious twaddle that I have ever had the misfortune to read in my entire life.

Let me translate that into English: "We are such amazingly wonderful and intelligent BNFs that if We told you who We were, you would be too dazzled by Our brilliance to properly appreciate those We've chosen to grace with Our approval."

Why should I submit to The Haven Project?
... A spot on the pages of The Haven Project is earned. Therefore, it is an achievement of which the author should feel immensely proud. A group of writers, slashers and Orlando Bloom fans has acknowledged and appreciated your effort and talent, and has found your story to be truly exceptional.


WTF? How much value is there in "earning" the acknowledgement and appreciation of people who don't even have the balls to attach their names to their opinions?

Are all the stories on the site written by members of the board?
No. The overwhelming majority of stories on the site is and always will be by authors entirely unaffiliated with The Haven Project and the review board. Board members will not place their own stories on the site. Should someone unaffiliated with The Haven Project nominate a board member’s story, it will be evaluated on the same criteria as all other submitted stories.


Of course, we have no way to verify that this is true, because of the board members' humble decision to remain anonymous for the sake of the "craft and art" of slash writing.

I could go on because almost all of the FAQ is equally wanky.... Go check it out for yourself.



(Post a new comment)


[info]littlest_lurker
2004-05-25 02:08 am UTC (link)
Good heavens people, it's just porn. Get a hold of yourselves!

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]and_chocolate, 2004-05-25 02:22 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]restlesshands, 2004-05-25 02:25 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]dana, 2004-05-25 06:28 am UTC

[info]mooncalf
2004-05-25 02:23 am UTC (link)
d00d. What university program do I have to enroll in to become a scholar of slash? Is it a BA program? Does it run out of the English department or is it one of those Queer Theory metamajors? Do I need my BA in Slash Studies before I'm allowed to run my yaoi-heavy website officially? Crap, am I doing something illegal by not being properly certified?!

COME AND GET ME, SLASH CERTIFICATION PANEL! YOU'LL NEVER TAKE MY UNQUALIFIED WEBSITE ALIVE!

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]darkvalkyrie, 2004-05-25 02:27 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]mooncalf, 2004-05-25 02:30 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]darkvalkyrie, 2004-05-25 03:23 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]mooncalf, 2004-05-25 04:32 am UTC
(no subject) - rachelthedemon, 2004-05-25 03:21 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]darkvalkyrie, 2004-05-25 03:25 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]mister_terrific, 2004-05-25 05:48 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]dawnswalker, 2004-05-25 04:22 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]xeno4eyes, 2004-05-25 05:39 am UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2004-05-30 03:57 pm UTC

[info]fairy_tale_echo
2004-05-25 02:28 am UTC (link)
They think they are so great, because they are scholars of slash? Well, I have a PhD in PORN, so I guess *I* know better literature than them!

The board members are not control-freaks, disgruntled authors, or bitter elitists.

We just have to have everything the exact way we want it and no way else and we're really, really better than you: so much so that even revealing OUR NAMES would, of course, blind you. That doesn't make us elitists, though, it just makes us supreme slash scholars superior to you.

Obviously.

(Reply to this)

Tweeeeee
[info]morgothik
2004-05-25 02:33 am UTC (link)
Connie is going for her PhD: Deconstructing The Personae Sexualis of Orlando Bloom Through the Subjective Post-Modernist Deconstructionist Queer-Theory Metaphor vis Slash and Its Implication on Nichomachean Ethics among the Bavarian Illuminati.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

Re: Tweeeeee - [info]marginalsanity, 2004-05-25 03:26 am UTC

[info]ashenmote
2004-05-25 02:35 am UTC (link)
"Then why were they called the crazy 88 haven project?"
"... I don't know. I guess they thought it was COOL or something ..."


Hehehe. Okay. Sorry. The thing that cracks me up isn't that they use all those big words in connection with slash. The thing that cracks me up is that they use them in connection to Orlibloom!
Muahahahahaha!

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]littlest_lurker, 2004-05-25 02:44 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]ashenmote, 2004-05-25 03:04 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]plazmah, 2004-05-25 04:41 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]ashenmote, 2004-05-25 05:29 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]plazmah, 2004-05-25 06:02 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]iczer6, 2004-05-25 10:39 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]ashenmote, 2004-05-25 06:45 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]plazmah, 2004-05-25 11:52 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]necronomist, 2004-05-26 04:14 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]plazmah, 2004-05-26 04:23 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]ashenmote, 2004-05-26 04:44 am UTC
Trying too hard
[info]criticalcricket
2004-05-25 02:35 am UTC (link)
Wow. I like people who put their best foot forward and all, but those so-called “slash experts” sound more than a bit pretentious. I know that I can get on the high and might step stool and all, but it sounds to me like someone is trying too hard.

An expandable archive

As opposed to?

scholars of slash

We have scholars? I know there's been a little research on slashers, but to claim to be a scholar of slash? Definitely trying too hard.

The board members are not control-freaks, disgruntled authors, or bitter elitists.

So they're not going to selectively control the input on the site, thus putting the offered fics forward as being above the rest and creating a sense of elitism? Right...

Does The Haven Project think all slash sites should set standards and screen fics?

As if they could affect the standards of others. Lots of us try. Nothing comes of it. People are lazy. Le sigh. Why do they bother calling these frequently asked questions? Nobody asked them such a thing. It's more like Out of My Ass questions.

I like good slash and all, but that's just a little...ok, a lot wanky. I suppose, in their defense, they’re trying. They’re just trying much too hard. It’s going to break off and then what will they have to play with?

(Reply to this)(Thread)

Re: Trying too hard - [info]and_chocolate, 2004-05-25 02:40 am UTC

[info]janegraddell
2004-05-25 02:47 am UTC (link)
Wow. I appreciate what they're trying to do, but it sounds like some folks need to get over themselves. It takes a special kind of ego to make that much of a cock-up of saying, "Hi, we like Orlando Bloom and we want to make an archive of good stories about him and his characters. Please send us some to look at. Thanks."

(Reply to this)


[info]feloniousfeline
2004-05-25 02:50 am UTC (link)
...because they believe that even “just slash” can aspire to excellence.

That's beautiful. Didn't Hemmingway once say that? Or was that Larry Flynt?

Secondly, there is some concern that revealing the identities of the panel would overshadow the excellent authors featured at this site.

Careful, kids. The egos are reaching critical mass!

Look, if your porn is truly that good, it shouldn't just get me hot. It should bring Orlando Bloom to my house, have him get me off, and then wash the dishes. Until then, excuse me if I don't genuflect in your presence.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]telesilla, 2004-05-25 03:04 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]feloniousfeline, 2004-05-25 03:14 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]telesilla, 2004-05-25 03:21 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]xeno4eyes, 2004-05-25 05:42 am UTC

[info]geekmagirl
2004-05-25 03:10 am UTC (link)
Ohmyfuckinggod, how hilarious. It hurts to laugh this hard.

(Reply to this)

Quoth the Haven, Nevermore
[info]kristenk2
2004-05-25 03:14 am UTC (link)
Man, there should be some kind of fandom law about the probability of any fandom site named 'the Haven' becoming a veritable wank magnet; we've got this one, the one from Buffy/Angel, my beloved one in XF...

Is any fandom Haven-less? ;-)

(Reply to this)(Thread)

wank magnet? - [info]kyuuketsukirui, 2004-05-25 11:51 am UTC

rachelthedemon
2004-05-25 03:16 am UTC (link)
As a whole, this is Grade A Elitist!Wank. Condescending!Elitist!Wank I might add. They have a good idea, but it's being presented in the most eloquently rude way possible (if there is such a creature; hell, they just invented it). I can understand wanting to run an archive with higher standards to escape the dreck of the Pit, but there's no reason to treat all potential authors like it's their first day of kindergarten. I have a mommy, thank you very much.

But I have to admit, this is the least wankiest bit: One reason for anonymity is that public knowledge of who is on the board could compromise the objectivity of the board’s evaluations through outside pressure ranging from obligations to harassment.

I can understand that reason for anonymity. It's the same reason graders for standardized tests and college admissions officers try to keep themselves as anonymous as possible. They don't want under-the-table deals, or harassment by the rejected.

In other words, "I'm not going to tell you who I am, because I don't want you begging me to let you in because you drew some porn for me a year ago, nor do I want you spamming my inbox with flames because I didn't accept your fic."

But that second reason for anonymity? Oh dear God. I'm surprised they don't have nosebleeds from standing on such high pedestals.

(Reply to this)


[info]croik
2004-05-25 03:40 am UTC (link)
Can RPS really be "canon"? When the actor in question has a girlfriend? *is boggled, but then, RPS seems to do that to me*

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]lulinda, 2004-05-25 03:44 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]ladystarlight, 2004-05-25 04:53 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]ashenmote, 2004-05-25 05:24 am UTC
Re: - [info]ladystarlight, 2004-05-25 05:28 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]ashenmote, 2004-05-25 05:43 am UTC
Re: - [info]ladystarlight, 2004-05-25 05:46 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]littlebitca, 2004-05-26 12:51 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]crevette, 2004-05-26 01:20 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]xeno4eyes, 2004-05-26 02:13 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]and_chocolate, 2004-05-26 03:00 am UTC
Re: - [info]ladystarlight, 2004-05-26 02:15 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]xeno4eyes, 2004-05-25 05:48 am UTC
Re: - [info]ladystarlight, 2004-05-25 05:57 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]xeno4eyes, 2004-05-25 06:09 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]hugsnkisses, 2004-05-25 02:05 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]ashenmote, 2004-05-25 03:58 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]lulinda, 2004-05-25 05:28 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]cesare, 2004-05-25 04:28 am UTC
Re: - [info]croik, 2004-05-25 04:53 am UTC

[info]khym_chanur
2004-05-25 04:25 am UTC (link)
For some reason, they sound like pretentious wine-tasters to me.

*sniff* "Ah, yes. Rabid character bashing, aged to perfection, with a refined lemon scent and just a hint of fruityness."

(Reply to this)

*gah!*
[info]prettyveela
2004-05-25 04:36 am UTC (link)
The board members are not control-freaks, disgruntled authors, or bitter elitists.

Ohhhhh is this a multiple choice question? If so, I'll go with option...

D:Get over your f'n self!

(Reply to this)(Thread)

Re: *gah!* - [info]ashenmote, 2004-05-25 05:21 am UTC
Re: *gah!* - [info]prettyveela, 2004-05-25 05:29 am UTC
Re: *gah!* - [info]mister_terrific, 2004-05-25 05:52 am UTC

[info]embyquinn
2004-05-25 05:21 am UTC (link)
The whole thing gives me a not-so-fresh feeling. >.<

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]liarliar, 2004-05-25 10:18 pm UTC

[info]arielchan
2004-05-25 06:12 am UTC (link)
there is some concern that revealing the identities of the panel would overshadow the excellent authors featured at this site. As the site wishes to exalt, praise and assist serious writers, anything that threatens their spotlight will be stringently avoided.


Okay, so their panel members are Brad Pitt, Kiera Knightly, Viggo Mortenson, and Sir Ian McKellan?

Cuz dude.

I suppose the sad thing is I can actually see Sir Ian scrunched over a keyboard, reading Orli slash and cackling to himself.

Also, Kiera Knightly seems like a slash-lovin' kinda girl.

~*Ariel*~

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]cleolinda, 2004-05-25 06:45 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]xeno4eyes, 2004-05-25 07:03 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]oulangi, 2004-05-25 07:05 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]cleolinda, 2004-05-25 08:26 am UTC
Sir Ian Prefers Aragorn/Legolas - (Anonymous), 2004-05-25 09:25 am UTC
Re: Sir Ian Prefers Aragorn/Legolas - [info]rossywar, 2004-05-25 02:56 pm UTC
Re: Sir Ian Prefers Aragorn/Legolas - [info]yankthewank, 2004-05-26 09:41 am UTC
Re: Sir Ian Prefers Aragorn/Legolas - [info]serai, 2004-05-27 12:12 pm UTC
Re: Sir Ian Prefers Aragorn/Legolas - [info]and_chocolate, 2004-05-27 09:31 pm UTC
Re: Sir Ian Prefers Aragorn/Legolas - [info]serai, 2004-05-29 10:07 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]dexwebster, 2004-05-25 04:40 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]and_chocolate, 2004-05-25 05:22 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]xeno4eyes, 2004-05-25 07:10 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]chash, 2004-05-27 04:02 pm UTC

[info]hoorofcrowley
2004-05-25 09:01 am UTC (link)
Is there a catalogue of courses for a degree in slash? Like Buttplug Theory and Feminine Motifs in Pretty Boy Literature and Early Slash I: From The Illiad to Julius Caesar?

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]p_tripp, 2004-05-28 12:02 am UTC

[info]htrismegistus
2004-05-25 12:03 pm UTC (link)
Anyone check out the submission guidelines yet?


1) Submitting Your Own Story
All stories must include Orlando Bloom or one of his characters in the featured slash pairing. For a full list of his films and characters, please see his filmography.

All stories must be properly labeled with a header. For an example of the information we require, please see our sample header.

All stories must have a disclaimer wherein the author informs the reader that the story is fictional. FPS and RPS are both legally dubious so this disclaimer protects the author and the site. If you don't know who owns the film, please see our credits page.

If the story contains potentially offensive material (rape, bondage, incest, etc), then a warning is required.

Though we do not require a listed beta, we strongly recommend one, and all stories are expected to have accurate grammar and spelling.


2) Submitting Someone Else's Story
Like the story? That's all you need to do.


Why am I getting this vision of the site admins sitting around and submitting one another's stories in one big circle jerk of pretentious wankery excellence in slashing? Could I be hallucinating on account of their brilliance?

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]mirabellawotr, 2004-05-25 01:49 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]htrismegistus, 2004-05-25 05:44 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]and_chocolate, 2004-05-25 05:51 pm UTC
Re: - [info]mirabellawotr, 2004-05-25 06:29 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]ashenmote, 2004-05-25 04:05 pm UTC
Re: - [info]htrismegistus, 2004-05-25 05:28 pm UTC

[info]acari
2004-05-25 02:33 pm UTC (link)
Hey, I'm all for an archive with preselected stories. And there's nothing wrong with being a "bitter elitist", I am a fucking bitter elitist when it comes to Lotrips.

But why do they have to be so damn pretentious about it?

"Scholars of slash"? The fuck?!

Why not just say, "we are bitter, hate bad fic, though these stories we like"?

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]and_chocolate, 2004-05-25 05:13 pm UTC

[info]sarajayechan
2004-05-25 03:52 pm UTC (link)
...The fact that they're doing this over REAL PEOPLE FIC disturbs me.

(Reply to this)


[info]ashenmote
2004-05-25 04:18 pm UTC (link)
Now that I've run around the whole morning with Chris deBurghs "Lady in Red" caught in my poor brain I guess it is time for others to suffer the same way I did:

The scholar in slash
Is slashing Orli
Week for week
There's nobody there
It's just Orli/he
He's how we want to be
But we hardly know this genius by our side
We'll never forget the way he wanks tonight

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2004-05-26 02:31 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]ashenmote, 2004-05-26 04:39 am UTC

[info]serai
2004-05-26 12:03 am UTC (link)
Secondly, there is some concern that revealing the identities of the panel would overshadow the excellent authors featured at this site. As the site wishes to exalt, praise and assist serious writers, anything that threatens their spotlight will be stringently avoided

Oh my. Circle jerk much?

(Reply to this)


[info]msmanna
2004-05-26 01:11 am UTC (link)

It's pretentious and annoying but...

I do actually know a fair number of people doing academic research of one kind or another into slash. So, maybe there *are* actual scholars of slash on the mod panel.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2004-05-26 06:11 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]msmanna, 2004-05-26 12:21 pm UTC

[info]gal_montag
2004-05-26 04:03 am UTC (link)
How long do you have to be a slasher to be considered a scholar? Because I bet there's a lot of people who've earned an honorary degree.

(Reply to this)


[info]naeelah
2004-05-26 08:36 am UTC (link)
I'm just waiting for them to start a national endowment for slashy arts. Promoting and maintaining excellence in the narration of hot gay action for the betterment of the community. [1]

Also, I hereby grant myself an honorary PhD in slash. As an avid slash reader and reviewer, and someone who has read Real Books and had extensive conversations with English professors, I feel my contributions to the literary community warrant this special achievement award. Next week, I will be presenting a paper at Princeton [2] on the phenomenology of DomBilleh and DomLij RPS and hobbit/elf slash. Thank you, Haven, for giving me this wonderful opportunity for self aggrandizement. I couldn't have done it without you.


[1] not that all slash is porn. but the slashers do like their Hott Menz.
[2] and by Princeton I mean the parking lot in front of my apartment

(Reply to this)


 
   
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