Because Everyone Knows Sex Appeal Ends at Fifty
Someone on the RottenTomatoes.com boards starts The Battle of the Hotties, a poll tournament to determine the sexiest male celebrity. A good time was had by all as they happily drooled over their lust object du jour and cast their vote with a gleeful squee and a click of the mouse.

But alas, wank found its way into the wet-pantied revelry. You see, in Round Three, Johnny Depp, the lust monkey of every girl old enough to fork her fingers and lock the bedroom door, was pitted against that paragon of British sexiness, Alan Rickman. Oh, how the spooge did flow.

When it becomes apparent that Mr. Rickman just might win the row, the Johnny fangirls explode. Accusations of ballot stuffing ensue. Cries of "BUT LIEK, HES SOO OLD and NOT TEH SEXXORZ" rise from the Depp contingent, who cannot seem to fathom the idea that a man north of fifty can be attractive. Threats of sockpuppetry fly.

Anram12 proposes that only those with 50+ post be allowed to vote. After all, it's hardly fair that people who just registered be allowed to join in.

The mod, Katie, responds with a slightly more eloquent version of PLZ die, Kthxbi.

The wank continues until the mod closes the thread early, tallies the votes, and declares Alan the winner. Johnny fans call her a loser bitch with no life. Ah, the irony.

Depp vs. Rickman in a Steel Cage