Bite-sized Queen of Wands wank
Over on qow, the community for the webcomic Queen of Wands, duckxxx posts detailing why he'd rather date Angela (one of the recurring female characters) than Kestrel (the main female character).

"I though it would be fun to have a GF that looks 12.
You know to go out to the park and make out, make the soccer moms mad, the usual."

Responses include accusations of pedophilia, pyromancyr's theory of internet humor, and kimnicole getting really worked up about the, um, imaginary sexual objectification of an imaginary 12-year-old who's actually in her twenties, or would be if she wasn't, you know, imaginary.

Oh, and don't miss the other nugget of wisdom from pyromancyr, in which we learn that all men secretly lust after barely-legal ass and all women are just jealous!

EDIT: Drat, deleted. Putting some of the wankiest salvaged bits behind the cut:


duckxxx: OK I’d like to clarify something on the post I did a while ago.
Remember I only asked where I could find a girl like Angela.
Not that out of the two single female characters I prefer Angela.
Technically speaking Kestrel and Angela are about even on the attractiveness level.
Hmmm a cute blond or a sexy red head?
Both girls have personalities that I can get along with.
So that takes care of 75% of what I look for in a woman.
The only thing Angela had over Kestrel was that I though it would be fun to have a GF that looks 12.
You know to go out to the park and make out, make the soccer moms mad, the usual.
But that was it.


cumaensibyl: So, you want a girlfriend who looks like she's 8, in order to make out with her jailbait ass and play freak-the-mundanes. And you think that this isn't going to scream Megan's Law to any girl with half a brain, regardless of how much she likes wearing frilly dresses?

Congratulations. You fail.


duckxxx: Um. No.
I want a GF I can get along with.
The whole freak-the-mundane thing was just something I thought was funny.
I didn’t read into this as much as you must have.
Personally I didn’t even consider the pedophile angle that you brought up.
Your mindset is on a totally different level.
So guess what.

Congratulations. You’re a perv.


kimnicole: Uhhhhhh....you're pissed because you're so shallow you didn't think through the implications and wanting a prepubrescent girlfriend?

She's a perv because she did?

And you're not some sick freak who wants a child because you're that shallow?

Dude. Either way you've got a long way to go before you get a girl who isn't 12 to date you.


starcrossedlady: And I'm sure a girl like Angela or even Kestrel would appreciate a stud like you.

not.

Think with me. Would you really go for a person who really only wants to be with you to make a certain kind of person uncomfortable? It's not the fact that you are percieved as intelligent, have similar tastes in cultural persuits, or that they like being with you because of you... it's because you help that person freak out other people. But since this is what I'm reading from your post... maybe those other points don't really matter, since you could "make" your lady friend look even younger then she would already appear.

< sarcasm > Such a lovely basis to form any sort of relationship on < / sarcasm >.


kimnicole: Best part was I assumed this was a young kid, 19 or so, so I figured I slap him around a bit. Just checked his user info, says he was born in 1971.

So a 32/33 year old man wants to make out in public with a 12 year old looking person, and is surprised and pissed that some people don't thinks it's funny.

Sick. Seriously.


tenshimurasaki: Wow..okay.

Am I the only one that sees this as a joking type post? If I am, then that would explain why I don't understand why everyone is taking this so extremely seriously.


kimnicole: Because he's implying young prepubescent girls turn him on. (With the barely legal XXX fix of she's actually an underdeveloped 18.)

And the girl he wants to be kissin' on needs to be young lookin' enough to freak out the adults.

In other words, one of his humorous punchlines is the sexual objectification of a pseudo 12 year old.

If that makes you laugh, great. I think it's sick, and I don't think it belongs or should be supported in a community anywhere.

Fun fact that makes it creepier, 12 was the average age of a sexual abuse victim, various mid-late 90's studies.


pyromancyr: rule of thumb..... 80% of the world's population will misread the intention of a joke

of the 20% who might get he joke, about 75% will take offense to the joke

now, the remaining population (the 5% who have a sense of humor and aren't afraid to show it) we are the ones who have to deal with the backlash of a good joke because everyone else needs to LIGHTEN THE F@*K UP!!!!!

what does this all mean?
nothing whatsoever!

now stop making this all out to be more than it is people!


pyromancyr again: it is one of those screwed-up facts of post-Janet-Flash-Fallout America that anything that could be REMOTELY offensive, even a joke, is taken WAAAAAAAAY too damn seriously....

by whom you ask.... good question. I'll tell you:

the holier-than-thou, pseudo-conservative right wing extremists who would most likely jump on the chance of getting barely-legal pie if it was flashed for them in offering by some Gauge look-alike who's only looking for a sugar daddy (emphasis on the "daddy")
(note: for those of you who don't watch porn, Gauge is the name of a porn actress...i think she's 20 now, petite, and dressed the right way would pass for junior high age)

but if they are most likely that easily drawn between the sheets by the very thing they protest so vehemently, why are they making such a fuss?

another good question.
the answer is simple: guilt. they feel guilty about wishing for something that could just as easily be their younger sister, or daughter in some cases(which opens up a whole new can of worms, but we won't go there...)

But what about women? where do they fit in?

that's simple: jealousy. They see men drool over these young, cheerleader/gymnast types and the green-eyed monster rears its ugly head, knowing they will never be able to compete and hating these innocent girls for this. And if the one doing the drooling is the man they are currently attached to, guess who will be sleeping on the couch tomight...

for Vague But True, filling in for Tim Bedore, this is Roger Aragon


kimnicole waaay oversharing: Wow. You're a sick puppy if you think it's jealousy.

Any man who'd honestly prefer the underdeveloped body of a 12 year old is not a man I'd welcome in my bed. He has far greater problems than I would even want to deal with.

How do I know?

I was molested for 2 years by a man that had graduated with my mom, and was 25 years my senior. I was 11 when it began.

What was it about my budding body he enjoyed? It's relative pubelessness? The small, but budding breasts. The tiny just flushed with estrogen nipples?

Oh no. He far more enjoyed the sensation of slowly weaning me away from my parents and friends. Of taking advantage of my desire to be independent. He enjoyed my unabashed respect, and awe. But mostly, he enjoyed the control.

You see, he liked the fact I saw him as smarter, brighter, stronger and more intelligent than most people did or would. He liked that my inexperience made his life so impressive because I had few yard sticks with which to judge it. He liked the fact that as an 11 year old girl, I pretty much did what he asked. Sex has very little to do with it. It's about pure unadulterated power, and finding it somewhere when you can't get it in life.

If I had a man who was seriously drooling over a 12 year old child, or some adult he thought was a 12 year old child, he wouldn't be sleeping on a couch, he'd be out on the street.


There was some other stuff in there about how kimnicole wanted to report the post to duckxxx's employer if he worked with children, and someone pointing out that maybe kimnicole was overreacting just a tad because of what happened to her, but alas, it is now lost to the ages.