The old LJ-cut switcheroo: multi-fandom wank!
A small wank, but it has growth potential, as they say on Wall Street.

So lily_blossoms, being fed up with several aspects of fandom, decides to "post" a rant about them in fanficrants. Trouble is, the faux-LJ "cut" she used actually links to her personal LJ.

Just in case it gets deleted, here's the original post.


Icons:

I am no icon goddess like quebelly or leetje or paddies. I am humble and I know I probably won't ever be as good as the aforementioned. However, sometimes you just see icons that make you wonder if you can invent something called iconicide, well...

Let's call these tips, shall we?

1) Use a border, goodness gracious. Icons without borders look like some extremely ugly chopped off in a working line (like in those slaughter houses, in Cinncinati)
2) Don't say you were inspired when you just plain copy. Okay, let's say someone made an icon of Gwen with blurs and sparkles and positioned Gwen in the centre. Don't do the exact same thing, exact same font, exact same picture, and add a "bit" of difference (like 1 extra sparkle) and say you were inspired. Because actually (surprise surprise), you're just a plagarist.
3) If you're an beginner, do not tell everyone to look at your fucking skills, because I'll bet you sticks and stones you don't have any. Even goddesses like teh_indy had to start and work up from somewhere. You can get better, but until then, don't shove it down everyone's throats you rOcK lYkE YeAh.
4) Followup to #3: if you ASK for criticism, don't freak if someone actually bothers to give it to you. Those people are kind. Because mostly if your icons suck, people will snort in your general direction and ignore your post. People who actually take time to post tips - you should get on your knees and luurve them. Just because it's "your first time posting icons and I dunno if they're good" doesn't mean people will pet you all over and say they are excellent, marvelous, magnifico.
5) Do not use 5 billion different animations, esp. the people who use AS. Yes, the star animation and the pinwheel is "so cool" - for a while. My personal pet peeve is the page turn. I hate that animation. Mostly because it doesn't fit the feel of the icon (if you have a celeb talking or so, and suddenly the icon does a "page turn", the first thing crossing my mind is WTF?) and also because it looks so fake and is OVERUSED. *stab*
6) Stop making people's eyes change colour. It's pissing everyone off.
7) If you apply for an elite community and you get rejected, don't freak out pull up your kitchen cutlery. Instead, take note of your weak points: (aka, light? or color? or text?) It's called criticism, and instead of needing people to shove it at you, look for it yourself. Elite communities like takenote_icons and shipper_icons and geeky_icons are not so easy to get into.
8) Credit when credit is due. So many people have stolen my icons, and I get extremely angry when this happens. This means brushes, bases, gradients, templates, even ideas, CREDIT CREDIT CREDIT.
9) Do NOT, NOT, NOT type like a retard on your icons. Sticky caps are stupid, as are gansta language. Parodies like sogay's "gansta" Ben icon (which is spelled correctly and neatly) is hilarious, while gansta language on your average icon is just stupid.
10) Lyrics: don't use the extremely overused lyrics like Evanescence (oh god, oh god, no no no) for your dark, angsty icons. For H/D, DO NOT use Maroon 5's "through with you" lyrics. 10 zillion people have already used it, gods.
11) Do not try to be a fucking inspirational w/ your icons. "God loves you" icons piss me off like no other. Besides that I am strongly agnostic/atheist, these icons are BORING, yes, I know, shocking, but they are just fucking BORING.
12) Try to use unique cropping for once, please.
13) Don't go afrenzy with PSP effects. Like the twirl tool and wave tools, they don't make good icons. Banners is another story, along with borders and edges. Icons are a no no no no.
14) Font will automatically determine your standing in the icon world. Use fonts like Scriptina and you are out of the running. I used to use Scriptina too, and then you learn, see, because you take criticisms and you go and look around the icon world instead of being stupidly aloof.
15) As mentioned by crumblingwalls: no more little animated teardrops. Yeah, their lover/best friend/father/sister/uncle/king/manservant died, they are sad. We know. Great.
16) Do not use the saying 'but I use MS Paint" as an excuse. I used MS Paint and made some pretty decent icons (you can see them here: beware of the scriptina font). Add a border, position your text nicely, choose your bases carefully. They will look fine, not great, but fine.
17) Anti-alias, for the love of all the gratituous mansex Cowlip gives us. ANTI-ALIAS.
18) One more icon w/ Harry that says "Harry Potter", 1 more Draco icon that says "Slytherin", 1 more Hermione icon that says "books and cleverness", 1 more Brian icon that says "Sex God" and I will need to kick puppies to vent.
19) Don't be stupid and angsty on your icons. Icons like "how I fall so deep" or shit like that is pathetic, all right? Oh, plus: Don't make icons that say "I LOVE [insert boyfriend/girlfriend name here]" because all these are stupid teens who don't know shit, and will probably break up in a couple months and THEN watcha gonna do with your icon?
20) The most irrating thing of all? WHEN AN ICON MAKER POSTS HIS/HER ICONS IN A COMMUNITY, DON'T FUCKING REPLY REQUESTING AN ICON! BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT? THE ANSWER IS NO. Wait till he/she begins taking requests. I've had this happen NUMEROUS times and now I don't even bother to reply. What do these people think we are? Nonsleeping nonworking machines? "The icon station 104.3: icons icons, all the time"?
21) Don't use strange colors for your text, like magenta on a neutral-toned icon.
22) Don't use curly fonts. No if's, no but's. They are just ugly.
23) Dark text + dark background = death
24) Don't resize like "whoah" because usually by then, the pics are abnormally stretched lengthwise or width-wise (is that even a word?)
25) If your icons suck, don't post them. Simple as that. "Well they suck but here they are anyway" sort of comments make me way to cry out my poor atheist soul.
26) It's always nice to match up scenes w/ their special character lines or the scene title. But enough is enough. Anymore B/J ice cream scenes with the text "Ice Cream Kiss" makes me want to do extremely bad, illegal things to certain iconmakers. And it shows you have no creativity whatsoever.
27) Also: if I see another scene in S2 with Justin topping and text "toppy!Justin" I will go join the Mafia and rampage the countryside.
28) Doll icons are not as cool as you think they are.
29) If you're making an AIM-like icon (the type where it's an AIM conversation), using your fucking templates so they look REAL! And DON'T make one that goes like this:

"[name1]: gotta go, bye"
"[name2]: (typing) I love you. (deletes "I love you" and replaces with "okay, see you")"

it was funny the first time around. Now it's annoying, irritating, and just stupid.
30) Read tutorials, they don't bite.
31) Error icons are funny to a certain extent. Then they get old, like everything else.
32) You can dislike my icons. You can dislike my text. You can dislike the way I crop/cut/use my brushes. You can even call me an elitest bitch in love with gay men. But don't you fucking say icons that the m/m content on them is sick. I posted my QAF icons a few days ago and this is what happened. Because you know what? All I can say is a huge FUCK YOU.

Fanfic:

I am no perfect writer. I write well, but there are plenty of people better than me like starflowers, mistful, lasultrix, eleveninches, etc.. However, I still can tell bad!fic from good!fic, and well...seeing the aspect ratio of bad!fic to good!fic tip horrendously to the bad!fic side, I present you with a huge huge wank:

1) If you want someone to end up w/ someone (take Jai and Kyan, for example), sweet mary & her sheep don't make one of them anorexic/bulimic/cancerous/etc., or have their family die. Or something equally devastating. And all of a sudden "MY GOODNESS JAI I NEVER SAW MY PROFOUND LOVE FOR YOU UNTIL THIS MOMENT, THIS MOMENT WHEN YOU ARE SURROUNDED BY TRAGEDY, COME WITH ME TO NEVER NEVER LAND WHERE YOU CAN LIVE AND HAVE REALLY BAD ORGASMS FOR THE SAKE OF THE AUTHOR" -cut- no.
2) Harry and Draco hate each other. They do not find each other attractive. They do not have an unrequited lust/love for one another. THEY HATE EACH OTHER, get over it. If you can't write a good fic with them being together naturally, then don't write anything at all. As thumper's mom said...
3) If I read another Veela fic, or "Marry, or Die" fic, I will kill someone slowly and PAINFULLY.
4) Happy endings are nice, but if you actually look around not many happy endings are true. Yes, I know, writing realistically? Is that even possible?
5) NO MORE GUY-TURNED-GIRL FICS. If you want to write mansex, feel free. We all do. However, fueling your lust for gay men will not be helped with these godawful fics. Don't say yours will be better than the ones occupying the Pit of Voles right now. Have you wrote many of these fics? Made stir-fry out of them? Because without extensive skills like Silvia Kundundra (sp?), even your parody of these fics will turn ugly.
6) On slash fics: two thousand "THIS IS SLASH, MEANS HOMOSEXUAL CONTENT. SLASH SLASH SLASH. NC-17. SLASH SLASH. SEXXXXXX!!!" sort of warnings will piss off even the most tolerant (and trust me, I am tolerant to read new slashers' fics) people.
7) If you can't write sex, don't write sex. If you're underage, don't write sex. Have you read a fic like this: (this is an actual fic. I have changed the names)

"Oh my god," said Jim. "That was an amazing orgasm."
Anders laughed. "You were hot!"

*pulls hair out and screams bloody murder*
8) When doing the whole author/title/rating/summary thing, spell SUMMARY right. Gods. If you can't spell that right, I'll tell you, not many people will read your fic.
9) When I say IMAGERY IS GOOD, I don't mean start spouting adjectives like a tennis ball robot (you know, the kind that spout tennis balls?). In Champagne I wrote a line: "The glass hits the light of sunrise and fractures the rays into tiny needles of color". Many adjectives, but they are simple adjectives. They make sense, help the paragraph imagery. A line like "the superfluous red apple shone mezmerizingly on the crystal-clear impending dusk of the rising, glowing, radiant moonlight" is a brain-killer and may lead to severe...consequences.
10) continuation of #9: don't use words you don't understand. As in the line i wrote above (the apple one) superfluous is used incorrectly. It makes you look stupid.
11) Beta. 'Nuff said.
12) DO NOT MAKE YOUR CHARACTERS SAY "WTF". The end. No but's, no exceptions.
13) Do not help with canon rape. Cassandra Claire, with her legendary fanon!Draco, is entertaining, but it is still canon rape. CC fans, don't begin stocking your cannons. It's true. Even Maya (gods I love Maya and SWEET COWLIP UNDERWATER LIGHT 18 IS UP!!) is canon rape. You know what isn't canon rape? Antenora's "To Rule In Hell". Even that portrays Draco darker than he actually is. Reread canon. Draco is a spoiled rotten coward.
14) If your fics aren't accepted into Fictionalley, that tells you something vital: something like "GET A BETA AND START WRITING DECENTLY"
15) If you're a teen, dont fucking use your age as a "but i'm young, I can write utter bullshit and it's okay". Because you know what? It's not.
16) QAF fics: what is w/ the crazy Justin slang. In fics whearas Justin says "Watcha doing?" and "Dun think so" is the reason I only stick with eleveninches' fics.
17) If you can't be funny, don't be funny. When people try to write Carson fics they write quips that make me want to slaughter sheep. Preferably ones with "wool as white as snow".
18) If you're archived on deletrius, don't come with your Pink Posse and try to beat up the authors there. Do not insult the authors there. Some of them are fanfucking amazing.
19) Before you say someone's eyes showed great empthay/sorrow/joy/love, realize emotions cannot be portrayed by the irises alone. If I'm happy I crinkle my eyes (since i usually smile when I'm happy), but just looking at my EYES will not show you anything particularly fascinating. You will see white, [insert eye color], and black.
20) Setting up a scene does not mean hurting your viewer's five senses with gratituous wording. This is especially relevant on "dark" scenes. When I say, "set up a sort of chilling scene" I don't mean "the starless sky loomed darkly over the villagers as their lights flickered scarily out...the cloaked, menacing, evil, bad creature headed up a hill not so far away". Can you say "le" obvious?

Fandom:
1) CC's fangirls are not cool, the end.
2) Do not post in reply to CC, Maya, or any other well-known writer and expect a reply. Because you won't get one. Don't ask them to friend you. They won't friend you. The only exception is the couple that friend (almost) everyone, such as eleveninches, starflowers, and wayfairer. Other than that, people will laugh at you.
3) Do not go around on the soul purpose to insult other people's ships. I don't like H/G, but when someone attacked H/G for no reason at all, well, let's say I was not on the anti-H/G side of the argument.
4) God I hate hate hate stories like Myr's "Parliament of Dreams", Frizzy's "Magnetic Attraction", Dumble-McGonagall-Snape (or some sort of order)'s "Learning to Love A Veela" because 1) they suck 2) they suck 3) 10 billion retards love them for shit knows why and 4) they just plain suck.

LJ (posts, usernames, etc.):
1) Sorry if any of my friends have this in their username, but don't fill it with "xxxxx"s like "xxxxhappyxxxkitten". It makes everyone want to pull out medieval torture devices.
2) Don't post in your LJ entries "oh no, no one will comment and reply to this!" because if you say so, no one will
3) Don't post in your personal journal about tedious and BORING RL shit and expect your LJ friends to come commenting in swarms. Got a haircut? Show a few pics, okay. But a entry like "Well, today I got a C on my test, ate bagels for lunch, and watched Smallville" makes everyone want to smash you in with a dirty toilet cleaner.
4) Don't talk like a retard on your LJ entries. I don't care if it's a personal journal. It's stupid. Period.
5) Don't make 4 gazillion writing journals/graphic journals and expect your friends to friend each one. I have 1 graphic&writing journal, yellow_dusk, and that is the end. And I don't really care for people to friend it, since I don't friend anyone there anyway.
6) Don't comment on someone's post only to promote a community. "Yeah, I totally agree, check on the community blah blah blah" NO
7) Don't fucking whine when people delete you. They have reasons. Just delete them quietly.
8) Before you friend someone, check their religion/political stand/homophobia existence. I always do a check, because my entries? Not exactly Christian-friendly, nor homophobe-friendly.
9) Don't post ten thousand colorbars, adoption pets, etc. in your userinfo. Links to places like the Human Rights Campaign is totally cool. 5 thousand "I adoped a Negg/dragon/emo" is not.

Other:
1) If you're a slasher and you don't support gay marriage/gay rights, you are so fucked I cannot even find a way to start.
2) If you don't like slash and go to the slash forums to post anti-slash threads, you have severe brian scarring.
3) When people call you and say "Who's this?", doesn't that make you want to hang up and throw large things out the window?


Now, mind you, a lot of people agree with what she actually said. But some offense is taken at the way she said it, and the fact that she did it under false pretenses.


Okay, first disclaimer: I agree with a lot of that. First truth: I don't agree with how it was put. Simply: subjective or objective, don't state opinion as fact. Drives me up the wall. There's stuff in there I don't agree with, but the way it's written it sounds like a poll was called and votes taken and you have the right to talk like everyone's behind you. I'm not saying their not in several places, but I guess it just bugged me that you assumed they were. And this really does look like it belongs in your personal journal. A mispost, a X-post or deliberate?



Applause for three reasons:
1) Managing to NOT know what wank means. Congrats.

2) Cross-posting with a faux lj-cut. You'll have plenty more fanficrants members wondering why you put this in the community when it should be in your journal. Of course, you are doing just that, you're just making it look otherwise.

3) Stating opinions as fact. People don't generally like that. Too bad I actually agree on the majority of those opinions. Except on the icon making. I could care less of all the elitist bickering I've seen going around icons. They're just 100x100 pixels you can tag on to your lj entries and comments! Not the most sophisticated area to exercise everyone's Right to Be a Snob.

Now I've done my part in making this into a Real Wank(tm). You're welcome.



2... Yes. That would be me, someone who didn't notice the fake cut. I'm slightly annoyed at having to read someone's personal but very opinionated rant. It's just silly, and I had to delete a rather long comment because it didn't warrant the wank.

3. I love my icons, because they're ones I tinkered with for the heck of it. Some of them have inside jokes. Icon!wank is just silly. And I immediately took offense at the tone, because it sounded like the person was just looking for an argument without any real justification for it.

Thank you for mentioning those points. I still stand by my idea though: xxxxsheilaesanguinae needs to be an lj username. *grins sheepishly*



1) Don't make a fake LJ-cut if you can't make it look like a real LJ-cut.

2) Don't call something wank when it's not. I came hoping people were actually wanking, since, you know, fandom_wank has gone a bit astray lately. Giving people false hope? Not cool.

3) You're opinions are not facts. You don't intimidate me, but I feel sorry for the people whom you did manage to intimidate.

4) Learn the difference between "soul" and "sole". Among other things.

5) My icon doesn't have a border. Suck it up.


And, to end this wank on a personal note, a quote from the original rant:

WHEN AN ICON MAKER POSTS HIS/HER ICONS IN A COMMUNITY, DON'T FUCKING REPLY REQUESTING AN ICON! BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT? THE ANSWER IS NO.

Actually, I've done this a number of times, and the answer has usually been yes. If people don't want to do it, they generally just don't reply. Maybe that's just my experience, though.

ETA the original post, in case it gets deleted.