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Maria the Lost (![[info]](http://www.journalfen.net/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} mariagoner) wrote in ![[info]](http://www.journalfen.net/img/community.gif){kind=small} fandom_wank,@ 2004-07-14 04:10:00 |
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| Current mood: | impressed |
| Current music: | Let Go-- the Frou Frou |
I like Big Busts and I Cannot Lie...
There's some enormously funny wank at Fametracker about (of all things) the sagginess of Catherine Zeta Jone's breasts and the color and size of her nipples. On the basis of a series of nude paparazzi pictures of her that were taken when she was six months pregnant, one side is arguing that she's "an old hag with pepperoni nipples who married an old fag because she couldn't get anyone else" -- while the other insists that her figure is still great and her nipples are still sexy, damn it all. It's worth checking out, if only to wonder at how sex-deprived the denizens of the internet can seem.
The "controversy" generally begin here:
http://forums.fametracker.com/index.p
Some highlights from the thread:
number4 (Number4 begins the wank...)
A while back, there was a great paparazzi pic of CZJ smoking and topless while 7 months pregnant w/ her second one, and let me tell you that was not the body of a 32 yr old, anyway you slice it. Her body clearly was that of a 40-something woman.
girly:
As for the topless-pregnant-smoker photos, all they proved is that sometimes pregnancies ain't pretty. Breasts may come back after one baby, but they are headed permanently south after two, no matter how young the mother is.
Baby Girl: (in respone to girly's comment)
Besides the droop (which we know she has the money to rectify) her nipples looked hella weird. Like giant pepperoni plastered to her chest. VERY unattractive, although I'm not sure what you can do with malshaped nips.
Saffy:
I don't know whether you saw those pics or not, but those nipples really traumatized me. "Two pepperoni slices" is the most accurate description I've heard, but they were actually a lot darker than pepperoni. Gah! Not to mention that her boobs were about a foot long. That might be totally normal during pregnancy, but then she should have kept her top on.
The Terminator:
I feel quite the opposite. Please Catherine keep your clothes on!!! Because when I saw you naked, 8 months pregnant and smoking it was a f*cking awful sight. I've been trying for years to get the image of her saggy breasts out of my head but I just can't do it. Every time I see a pic of her in a magazine it comes flashing back.
IMO the producers of Mr and Mrs Smith saw the pregnant/topless pic [of Catherine Zeta Jones] and that's why they never cast her in the movie. IMO seeing it has a permanent affect on your opinion of CZJ's sexiness. I bet it was circulated via email all over Hollywood and they all had a chuckle. Wouldn't be surprised if it did a lot of damage to her career and the level of demand for her.
Some wank about whether the topless pics of Pregnant Catherine smoking or not was a violation of her privacy occurs around page 26-27... then the amateur anthropologists get to work:
girly:
Every time I see a beautiful picture of [Catherine Zeta Jones}, I wave it at Mr. girly and remark upon her gorgeousness. He has always been totally meh, but even more so since he saw the flapjacks resting on the belly. Men I know agree that the only sexy pregnant woman is one's own wife. Other preggos? They "belong" to someone else. Anthropology at work, I spoze.
Baby Girl:
Not like I'm the reigning expert on nips, but according to all my guys friends, giant large pepperoni slices, like the ones Cathy was sporting is totally NOT attractive.
The Naz defends CZJ against Baby Girl:
I didn't realize that there was a nipple standard by which we must all live. I suppose large nippled women must be shunned by society and sent to live in caves as their areola offend the male populace.
Woe be on to those without tiny pink nipples! Woe!
sleestak rages about the unfairness of it all:
There are literally hundreds of reasons to dislike CZJ, but dissing her about the color of her areolas during pregnancy has to be the absolute laziest and most ridiculous.
The 6th Element Luvs Herself Sum Titty:
Those boys who judge on nipples. They do not love titty. They are novices, new to the game and have yet appreciate things. They are young and so I simply shake my head in their direction. One day they'll learn and perhaps with time and strict tutelage they can become Titty Aficionados. Until then their priveleges are revoked.
I shall quote the from the great book of Oldman
"Now I know I'm pretty, but I ain't as pretty as a couple of titties."
The Terminator gets very fucking creepy:
Her breasts are really quite misshapen and ugly and that pic was taken before she had kids let alone what they look like now unless she's had a breast lift. Just want to say I've been going to gyms all my life and obviously being female you see ALOT of breasts in the gym changing room even if you're trying not to look. So I can say quite unequivocally that Catherine has some of the ugliest breasts I've ever seen. And that's compared to the breasts of normal (albeit gym going) women. Not Hollywood stars. Maybe that's why she had to marry a man as old as Gramps?
(Poor CZJ, having to settle for a famous multi-millionare...)
spiced tea reflects:
Geez, where have all of these high minded-people with such an incredible tolerance for imperfect female bodies been all my life?
Saffy gets annoyed:
Jesus Christ, can we stop with the smug lectures? This is thread to discuss a silly Hollywood celebrity, not a conference on supporting women and their body types.
girly chimes in with SCIENCE:
Large dark nipples serve as a visual cue that a female is pregnant (therefore pointless to mate with), lactating (often not ovulating, so pointless to mate with), so there are certainly long-standing reasons as to why a heterosexual male might not be aroused by breasts with such characteristics. Sure, some men like big nips, but not all of them do. Men don't want to fuck everything, contrary to popular belief. Somebody else's pregnant wife, no matter how beautiful, is just not going to appeal. Except maybe to the freaks on Ebay buying dirty maternity underpants.
The 6th Element just laughs:
This thread is like non stop hilarity. Nipple science cribed from 8th grade heath text books, nipple analysis complete with flow charts, linked pictures to bad!titty and other phenomena and the sheer funny of it all. I can't be the only one who is like dying right now.
Saffy Makes a Comparison:
Jennifer Connelly has nice boobs in all respects. Penelope Cruz, Reese Witherspoon, and Halle Berry all seem to have nice boobs too.
I don't think this is some wild concept that some boobs are nicer looking than others.
And eventually Wing Chung closes this thread by denouncing everyone as porn-craving perverts... and reopens it three days later, swearing to ban anyone that starts up the booby talk.
How's that for convoluted, yet hilarious?
And just so you all don't die of curiosity... here is the actual picture of Catherine Zeta Jones naked and smoking that traumatized so many:
http://www.uselessjunk.com/images/stori
And yet more nudes, in case you're curious...
http://home.freeuk.com/jotaylor/catheri
