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anything but legolas/gimli is out of character!
from the yahoo group axe_bow. the rant is quite long and covers a wide variety of pairings.

Now, I remember reading the handful of LOTR slash fics available on the net pre- movie and in general I was very pleased with them... . And then... Shock. Confusion. Frodo/Sam, Merry/Pippin, Aragorn/Boromir, Frodo/Aragorn, Merry/Pippin/Boromir, Legolas/Boromir, Frodo/Legolas, Legolas/Elrond, Legolas/Haldir, Legolas/Glorfindel, Legolas/any random Elf, Legolas/OC, Legolas/Aragorn, Legolas/Aragorn, Legolas/Aragorn...

the thing about aragorn/boromir is that, even if well-written, it can't have a happily-ever-after ending. Aragorn/Boromir. ...And there *are* good fics in this ship. Just please try to remember that Boromir *dies*, what for some people sort of takes the fun out of hot PWPs.

for frodo/aragorn, she's not going to burden us with the obvious and painful arguments. We are not going here, and that's final. A good slash writer can pull off almost anything but there are things more difficult to pull off than others.

for certain pairings that seem to largely involve legolas, there's no possible rationale. Legolas/Boromir, Frodo/Legolas, etc. What's *that*? Throw-Fellowship-together-and-do-a-random-binary-combination exercise?

legolas/elrond is apparently fertile grounds for bdsm. Legolas/Elrond. In the past, or as one night-stand, why not? May work. Only, please try to write Legolas as an equal partner for Elrond. not that she has anthing against it, per se! Yes, I do like *good* fiction of this genre, although I don't see it L/G-wise.

legolas/haldir is okay on a physical level only. I could picture Legolas (who represses his feelings for Gimli) with Haldir, at least at the beginning of the stay in Lorien.

and legolas/aragorn is a sore point. At first, I thought, OK. Pre- Quest or early in the Quest (read: pre-Gimli), why not? As a stress-relief, perhaps? but really, there's only so much you can take when the pairing flies in the face of TWO canon pairings! Why is Aragorn cheating on Arwen? Why is Legolas cheating on Gimli?! Don't we deserve at least an explanation? (I am not going to rant how OOC is Legolas in 95% of these fics. Some things shouldn't even be mentioned in a decent company.)

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eyebrowofdoom
2003-05-11 08:28 pm UTC (link)

Why is Legolas cheating on Gimli?!

Um. So I missed the part where there was gay marriage in Middle Earth. Well, I bow my head in shame: that must be because I'm teenie movie-fan scum!

!!

...!!!

Any post with a preface detailing at what age in childhood the author first read the book causes my sympathy level to deteriorate to truly sub arctic.

One used to see many, many, many of these posts, but less so recently because most of the pre-movie ficcer stalwarts have had the chance to take a deep breath and get the fuck over it.

This is vintage, old skool lotr wank. Vintage!

Am on that list but don't have the heart to go over there and read the rest of the discussion beyond the post itself.

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	Re: cimorene111 2003-05-11 08:36 pm UTC (link)
	hah. no, me either. i only read the post on a whim. not sure if i'm glad i did or not... as for old school lotr, something i restrained myself from commenting on, since having bad taste is not automatically wankful: she was happier with overall fic quality BEFORE the movie came out? o.0 (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	eyebrowofdoom 2003-05-11 08:57 pm UTC (link)
	I lied! I read it all, wanked another bit, and am in process of replying! Elbereth help me. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	Re: cimorene111 2003-05-12 01:58 am UTC (link)
	oh dear. (Reply to this)(Parent)

iczer6
2003-05-12 12:30 am UTC (link)

>>Why is Legolas cheating on Gimli?!

Um. So I missed the part where there was gay marriage in Middle Earth. Well, I bow my head in shame: that must be because I'm teenie movie-fan scum!>>

I missed that as well. I know they become scarily good friends, but...

I won't debate the canon evidence, but I can sympathize with folks who want to hook Legolas up with someone less short and hairy.

No offense to Gimili, hey a noble dwarf character who DOESN'T die, alert the media.

It's just I'm a hideously shallow person who finds the books boring and really likes the pure hottness of AxL.

I'm EVIL!

Icz

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lm
2003-05-12 06:50 pm UTC (link)

I know they become scarily good friends

They became scarily good friends who went on a honeymoon.

That said, it doesn't take a genius to figure out that it's not canon if the author didn't intend it, and knowing what a prude Tolkein was, I really doubt he believed they were anything more than good friends.

But who cares what Tolkein thinks? According to him, elves only have sex after marriage, and even then only for procreation. And what fun is that?

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	sajasma 2003-05-11 08:43 pm UTC (link)
	Oh I. can't. stop. laughing. Legolas/Gimli supercedes ALL! Hey kittens, logic is our friend. No, really. (Reply to this)(Thread)

	eyebrowofdoom 2003-05-11 09:11 pm UTC (link)
	Also, ship wars can be won! Start your own today! Clean and glorious victory will soon be yours. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	Re: cimorene111 2003-05-12 02:02 am UTC (link)
	she probably didn't expect to start one, since it was on pairing-specific list. and yet... and yet... ::still can't believe post:: (Reply to this)(Parent)

	Re: cimorene111 2003-05-12 02:01 am UTC (link)
	my favorite is 'why is legolas cheating on gimli?'. and have you stopped beating your wife? (Reply to this)(Parent)

ithilas
2003-05-11 09:26 pm UTC (link)

legolas/elrond is apparently fertile grounds for bdsm.

It is? I thought it was the Haldir/Legolas pair that is BDSM paradise.

Most of my encounters with fics involving E/L pairing weren't BDSM laden. Maybe I wasn't looking at the right places. Hmm. In fact a couple of them were mush that if you were diabetic you could've died right there and then.

Legolas/Elrond. In the past, or as one night-stand, why not? May work.

She does not like long term relationships doesn't she?

Only, please try to write Legolas as an equal partner for Elrond.

Legolas: I demand equal partnership.
Elrond: Nay! You are too young for that.
Legolas: I'll sue you. Talk to my lawyer!

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lush_rimbaud
2003-05-12 12:43 am UTC (link)

Huh?

Now, I remember reading the handful of LOTR slash fics available on the net pre- movie and in general I was very pleased with them... . And then... Shock. Confusion. Frodo/Sam, Merry/Pippin...

Honey, I'm a pre-movie LotR fan too, and I remember the "handful of [mostly really, really unspeakably awful] LOTR slash fics available on the net pre- movie" only too well. But there were Frodo/Sam and Merry/Pippin fics available for years before the movie came out. So, WTF?

Besides, Frodo/Sam is even more nearly canon than Legolas/Gimli, so my ship is better than yours, anyway. Neener neener.

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	Re: cimorene111 2003-05-12 02:06 am UTC (link)
	as i recall, there were, what--one? two? L/G fics. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	misswindy 2003-05-12 03:24 am UTC (link)
	I especially love the disclaimer of how she "likes any good fic". It's so very... Beavis and Butthead. "We only like stuff that's cool. We don't like stuff that sucks." Wankalicious. (Reply to this)(Thread)

	chaya 2003-05-12 05:42 am UTC (link)
	Is she angry at numbers? Because, like, there's too many of them? (Reply to this)(Parent)

	tintin 2003-05-12 06:24 am UTC (link)
	I'd mention the L/G mpreg fics, but... no. That would be cruel. (Reply to this)(Thread)

	lulinda 2003-05-12 06:33 am UTC (link)
	Link me, baby! (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

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Re:
cimorene111
2003-05-12 04:01 pm UTC (link)
dude, seriously, nothing is more horrifying on Axe_Bow than the occasional subject line like 'Lotr: Bringing Up Babies, part eight.' aiiieee!
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tintin
2003-05-12 06:54 am UTC (link)
A quick search on Google brough these up:

Bringing Up Babies 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 (Actually, the best part of this one is that Gandalf is pregnant too.); Building the Future 1, 2; New Beginnings 1, 2; So You've Touched Your Best Friend; Impossible Circumstances 1, 2,
[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<a hrefhttp://bagenders.stormpages.com/story/impossible3.html</a>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

A quick search on Google brough these up:

<A HREF="http://www.melethryn.net/A/bringingupbabies1.txt">Bringing Up Babies 1</a>, <A HREF="http://www.melethryn.net/A/bringingupbabies9.txt">2</a>, <A HREF="http://www.melethryn.net/A/bringingupbabies10.txt">3</a>, <A HREF="http://www.melethryn.net/A/bringingupbabies11.txt">4</a>, <A HREF="http://www.melethryn.net/A/bringingupbabies13.txt">5</a> (Actually, the best part of this one is that Gandalf is pregnant too.); <A HREF="http://www.melethryn.net/A/buildingthefuture.txt">Building the Future 1</a>, <A HREF="http://www.melethryn.net/A/buildingthefuture2.txt">2</a>; <A HREF="http://www.melethryn.net/A/newbeginnings.txt">New Beginnings 1</a>, <A HREF="http://www.melethryn.net/A/newbeginnings2.txt">2</a>; <A HREF="http://axebow.hakaze.com/fic/fic-moirai-friend.htm">So You've Touched Your Best Friend</a>; <A HREF="http://bagenders.stormpages.com/story/impossible1.html">Impossible Circumstances 1</a>, <A HREF="http://bagenders.stormpages.com/story/impossible2.html">2</a>, <A HREFhttp://bagenders.stormpages.com/story/impossible3.html</a>3</a>, <A HREF="http://bagenders.stormpages.com/story/impossible4">4</a>.

And let's not forget the <A HREF="http://www.blooddance.com/mpreg/">Multifandom Mpreg Archive</a>!

There's also a LotR mpreg mailing list.

<font size="1">Disclaimer: I don't read mpreg, it makes me want to claw out my eyes, but there's so much in this fandom that I run smack into it at every turn.</font>
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lulinda
2003-05-12 07:09 am UTC (link)
He arose and stalked me straight into the bedroom where we discovered
the joys of making love all over again.

*dead*
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Re:
cimorene111
2003-05-12 04:02 pm UTC (link)
::claws feebly at eyes::
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renjenri
2003-05-12 07:10 am UTC (link)
Oh. Ow. Pain. Ow.

Feel squicked in a very literal manner.
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oxydosic
2003-05-12 10:05 pm UTC (link)
Call me weird but i liked Impossible Circumstances, at least it was meant to be humorous. The serious ones always make me kind of shudder.
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Aaaaaaaugh.
heyoka
2003-05-12 06:35 am UTC (link)
I had just managed to blank those from my memory again! *beats head against keyboard*
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Re:
cimorene111
2003-05-12 04:00 pm UTC (link)
augh! too late! ::hides::
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backfromspace
2003-05-12 10:55 am UTC (link)
I can explain Frodo/Legolas.

See, it's Elijah Wood and Orlando Bloom.
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eyebrowofdoom
2003-05-12 03:34 pm UTC (link)
I'm not seeing your point. Would you consider a larger semitrailer?
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Re:
cimorene111
2003-05-12 04:03 pm UTC (link)
she must've thought of that, since she believes PJ deliberately wrote TTT to approve to the slash tastes of teenaged girls.
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