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Crevette ([info]crevette) wrote in [info]fandom_wank,
@ 2004-08-02 23:57:00
Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Current mood:Fan-Fucking-tastic

Orlando Wank....
Yeah, yeah, I know. Orlando Bloom/Anyone with a pulse = instant wank of epic proportions, just add water.

That said, the wank is a siren's song that I can't resist, the thwaping and splurting a primal rhythm that makes my pulse race.

Found on Datalounge, AKA Wank central.

It appears that Orlando and Kirsten Dunst went out to a gay bar in Lexington together, had lots to drink and danced on a table. They closed out the place at 4 AM.

What impresses me about this is the varying threads of spooge that make up the warp and weft of this tapestry O'Wank. It truly is a sticky work of art.

First we have the "OMG! I TOLD YOU HE WAS DUMPING BOSWORTH FOR DUNST!" "No, *I* told *YOU* he was dumping Bosworth FIRST!" Then we have the "He's upgrading his beard!" Then we move on to "Well, this proves he's not gay! A gay man trying to hide his gaity would not be caught DEAD in a gay bar, beard or not!".

And let's not forget the "I *KNEW* Kirsten was a lesbian!" followed by insulting the entire city of Lexington by calling all the residents therein rednecks and trailer park denizens when in fact it is the center of thoroughbred horse breeding and is an epicenter of money from around the world.

Add to this the mention of the Viggo/Orlando tinhat brigade, the people who swear up and down and sideways that Orlando is straight versus the ones who swear down and up and diagonally that he's either gay or bi, the claim that he was dating men before LotR and the mention of his ever present PR who lives to keep him closeted and miserable and unhappy with Kate-the-puppy-abuser.

And my all time favorite quote from this: If that is anything other than a straight woman posting at 11:41 I will eat out Orlando's ass.

Okay, I'd do that anyway, but still.


(Post a new comment)


[info]misswindy
2004-08-03 07:37 am UTC (link)
It appears that Orlando and Kirsten Dunst went out to a gay bar in Lexington together, had lots to drink and danced on a table.

Did anyone else's Kirsten Dunst hatred just subside significantly after reading that?

Just me then? OK.

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]cheshireempress
2004-08-03 07:46 am UTC (link)
No, no, it raised my estimation of her as well. Damn celebrities, they just all hang out with each other and then it's so hard to hate them when they're all friends!

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]serai
2004-08-03 07:52 am UTC (link)
I never hated Kirsten. She doesn't impress me all that much, but she can be damn funny. I just about fall over laughing watching her in Dick.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]littlest_lurker, 2004-08-04 02:29 am UTC

[info]speshulduck
2004-08-03 07:58 am UTC (link)
I can't say I ever hated her before, but my opinion of her definitely just shot through the roof :)

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]deerlike, 2004-08-03 08:13 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]carbucketty, 2004-08-03 08:33 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]deerlike, 2004-08-03 08:55 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]deerlike, 2004-08-03 08:56 am UTC

(Deleted post)
(no subject) - [info]deerlike, 2004-08-03 11:06 am UTC

(Deleted post)
(no subject) - [info]deerlike, 2004-08-03 12:59 pm UTC

[info]prettypinkkitty
2004-08-03 03:17 pm UTC (link)
Me too, dude. That sounds like the best night of fun ever! I'm very proud of her. Even though she's a hack.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


(Anonymous)
2004-08-03 04:58 pm UTC (link)
I just can't get over the fact that people are still stereotyping Kentuckians as hillbillies. What a gross generalization. That's like saying that no one who lives in Florida knows how to vote. *headdesk*

Who cares if he's gay??? He's in Kentucky, which makes us omgtehkewliez!!!11!!!eleventyone!!!! by default! :P~

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2004-08-03 07:40 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]fl_watermelon, 2004-08-04 11:34 am UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2004-08-04 06:30 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]ipomoea, 2004-08-04 08:54 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]phosfate, 2004-08-03 09:03 pm UTC

[info]mariagoner
2004-08-06 04:15 am UTC (link)
Nuh-uh, lady. I demand concrete proof that she partied with a blond fairy before I can take my hate of her and her Spiderman-ruining antics down a notch. (And just a notch, mind you! For my hate of her is strong!)

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]serai
2004-08-03 07:51 am UTC (link)
I do love this assumption that no straight person would ever set foot in a gay bar. Especially no straight actors. Oh no. Absolutely not. That's never happened. And a straight woman in a gay bar? Especially a straight actress? Heaven forbid. Where would you get such a bizarre idea??

As Robin Hood Daffy used to say: Ha ha. Very funny. Ho ho. It is to laugh.

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]khym_chanur
2004-08-03 08:54 am UTC (link)
Yeah. When I lived at Santa Cruz, California, there was a gay bar that a lot of straight people went to, 'cuz it was, y'know, popular.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


(Anonymous)
2004-08-03 10:51 am UTC (link)
When my mom was young she and her friends had a gay bar they'd always go to so they could just hang out without any creeps hitting on them. OMG, that must mean my mom's actually a lesbian!

So that's where I get it from.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]carbucketty
2004-08-03 07:54 am UTC (link)
I personally enjoyed this gem:

TINHATS, PONIES & FAGHAGS OUT!! NOW!!!M

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]adinaj69
2004-08-03 09:52 pm UTC (link)
!!!M ...?

Does the 'M' stand for 'man-whore', perhaps?

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]tempslut
2004-08-03 11:18 pm UTC (link)
In my head, there is a montage of people with tinfoil on their heads, My Little Ponies, and Margaret Cho in my head as we speak.

Maybe by "M" they mean "athousandy!!"? Or did they attempt to say something in binary?

(Reply to this)(Parent)


pooka
2004-08-03 08:20 am UTC (link)
In a gay bar. Hmmmm... Maybe she was looking for Jake.

I wonder if there's any male celebrity, anywhere, who hasn't been pegged as gay by some one on the internet. I suppose there must be at least one, right? But who? And how can we start rumors about him so he doesn't feel left out?

(Reply to this)(Thread)


(Anonymous)
2004-08-03 08:23 am UTC (link)
I do not think there are any. Really.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


pooka
2004-08-03 08:23 am UTC (link)
Oops, that was a little OT. Um...Orli + Kirsten 4EVA, or something! Woo!

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]deerlike
2004-08-03 08:53 am UTC (link)
*LOL* I there's actually a weak reason behind that gay!rumour, considering that Kirsten once dated Jake, who just-so-happens-to-be starring in Brokeback Mountain, yadda-yadda-yadda. The rumour-mills have probably been churning out wild speculation as to why exactly Kirsten would dump him...

...and right now, I'm starting to feel a tad pathetic myself, for having repeated all of this. The things I do for BM...I could be its bloody PR agent.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - pooka, 2004-08-03 09:17 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]deerlike, 2004-08-03 09:23 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]prettypinkkitty, 2004-08-03 03:19 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]prettypinkkitty, 2004-08-03 03:19 pm UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2004-08-03 07:35 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]prettypinkkitty, 2004-08-04 02:00 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]deerlike, 2004-08-03 11:25 pm UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2004-08-03 11:15 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]dana, 2004-08-03 01:06 pm UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2004-08-03 02:58 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]phosfate, 2004-08-03 09:06 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]littlest_lurker, 2004-08-04 07:58 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]xero_sky, 2004-08-03 11:54 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]krazycat, 2004-08-04 03:29 am UTC
(no subject) - pooka, 2004-08-04 04:44 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]littlest_lurker, 2004-08-04 07:56 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]prettypinkkitty, 2004-08-03 03:21 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]tempslut, 2004-08-03 11:21 pm UTC
(no subject) - pooka, 2004-08-04 04:41 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]littlest_lurker, 2004-08-04 02:36 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]prettypinkkitty, 2004-08-04 03:43 am UTC
(no subject) - pooka, 2004-08-04 04:45 am UTC

[info]princessdot
2004-08-03 08:37 am UTC (link)
Wow, who cares? I mean really, so the guy's pretty, who cares if he's straight, bi or into his dog?

(Reply to this)


[info]criticalcricket
2004-08-03 08:45 am UTC (link)
Poor guy, bet he can't even use the loo without people speculating on his sexuality. "OMG! Did he just check out that guy? He so did! He's looking at his package! They need to go snog in a stall! OMGLOLWTF!!111!"

(Reply to this)


(Anonymous)
2004-08-03 06:09 pm UTC (link)
*laughs*

I really, really need to dig out that link where someone stated in all seriousness that 'Being British is the same as being gay'.

I would have loved the poster to say that in a pub in Liverpool. It'd've been interesting to see how many of their teeth they had left afterwards.

Alex

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2004-08-03 09:06 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]ipomoea, 2004-08-03 10:00 pm UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2004-08-03 10:21 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]ipomoea, 2004-08-04 07:26 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]chash, 2004-08-04 04:19 pm UTC

[info]phosfate
2004-08-03 09:07 pm UTC (link)
So...Kirsten Dunst is a gay man?

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]snacky, 2004-08-03 09:30 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]missi, 2004-08-04 04:04 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]judyhazeleyes, 2004-08-05 07:16 pm UTC

[info]redjackcash
2004-08-03 09:27 pm UTC (link)
Man.

Man.

These poor people can't do anything without people trying to analyze the hell out of their behavior.

...of course, all of the money and power sort of evens things out, I suppose.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]kijikun, 2004-08-04 12:02 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]bitca, 2004-08-04 08:53 pm UTC

[info]ipomoea
2004-08-03 10:06 pm UTC (link)
Dear Orlando tinhats, both of the gay-with-Viggo-4evah and of the str8-crusader variety:

I hate you all.

No love,

me

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2004-08-04 03:57 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]ipomoea, 2004-08-04 07:24 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]limeysugar, 2004-08-05 01:45 am UTC
LOL
[info]prettyveela
2004-08-04 06:05 am UTC (link)
If that is anything other than a straight woman posting at 11:41 I will eat out Orlando's ass.

Goodbye F_W! I am teh dead! XD

(Reply to this)


[info]limeysugar
2004-08-05 08:20 am UTC (link)

(Reply to this)(Thread)

Harry Pahtah - (Anonymous), 2004-08-06 10:59 am UTC

  
   
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