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Charlie ([info]wacky_crack) wrote in [info]fandom_wank,
@ 2004-10-16 15:26:00


Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Current mood:high

Harry Potter revisited
It’s October or maybe still September, but in any case Mercury is retrograde or did it go direct? Well, it’s Saturday I think, or hell - Sunday maybe, though any day of the week will do really, which is to say that once again the Harry Potter fandom is working itself into a sweaty frenzy about *something* of Critical! Fandom! Importance!


Now bear with me, I know some of this territory was covered before, but for those of us who lack the required degrees in forensic cryptology required to make heads or tails of the overlapping circles of hate that resonnate from various BNF's I offer a primer:

Grasping the archiac apparatus of Potterdom is almost impossible until you understand: this fandom isn’t about the fics. It's not about the the wallpapers or the vids or even the books and movies. No, it’s about being the mostest popularist BNF in the whole wide world (after Cassandra Claire of course, try as you might, you’ll nevar top her, she’s ours forevah!) and well, in the continuing politdrama that defines this fandom, reccing fanfic is the latest front in the campaign of getting to sit near the cool kids during recess.

Because apparently love telling your friends that you liked a story and that they should read it too is a battlefield minefield.

Luckily [info]dracoroxmysox is brave enough to stand up and tell it like it is.

Protecting one’s sphere of influence is a do or die proposition in HP, and those who manage to survive past the “leave the baby on the wind-swept crags” stage take it very very seriously. Fortunately it also means that they will discuss and discuss and discuss and hey, guys? You do realize that saying “I liked this fic – you should read it to” != negotiating peace in the Middle East? …and discuss and discuss

But this is Harry Potter, where a cigar is never just a substitute for your freakish desire to suck Daddy’s dick. (Warning! Link is NOT work safe!)

sicko

I know you peeked.

The Clift note version: to be a true BNF in Harry Potter you have to be in the OMG invite only community. Because reccing = more Fb = keys to Cassandra Claire’s the executive washroom and everyone will love me OMG.

The rec kerfluffle leads to hurt feelings, a further polarization of n00b vs. Elitist Beyotch – or as some like to call it, a normal day in the life of HP fandom.

EDIT
Please take a moment to enjoy this beautiful tangent of batshit insane whinery brought by one of [info]fandom_wanks beautiful anonomice. This precious example of n00b vs. old skool (which interestingly Aeryn plays both sides of when convenient) You're ripping off authors! I'm leaving and taking my toys! because OMG fiction alley redesigned the author pages. As I was saying, a normal afternoon in Harry Potterverse ~

Carry on


Meanwhile, back at the farm our old pal little_needle, A.K.A. [info]wankstar comes to the conclusion that if you can’t control join the 1337 comm, then start your own! Now normally I wouldn’t gratify such obvious attention h0ring on our hallowed pages, but it’s a critical link to the next part of the story. Because little_needle’s rather pretentious mission statement:

Created on a quest for the best H/D fiction and art our fandom has to offer, Seeker to Seeker was founded in hopes of carefully and lovingly gathering an archive of the cream of fandoms crop in both fiction and art.

Ruffled a few feathers. There was drama. There's Libertine calling Aja a twat (and really what would a HP wank be without someone way way way too obsessed with ancient history that?) There was mention that these “cream of the crop” fan works would be archived. And on opposite sides of that dark and stormy night of the fandom consciousness light bulbs flicker to life.

Except apparently one of those light bulbs went off a month ago.
...and man is [info]slytherincess pissed!

So who done it?
Was it Aja? Is this a masterful bid for wank supremecy to finally claim the crown of splooge? She says no...
Perhaps [info]dorrie6? But can anyone picture her in such nefarious terms? Besides she's a Domlijah fan and we all know those are inherently peaceful and sane.
Or [info]switchknife, she seems to have a lot to say about this and as a mod of the other OMG invite comm this could be a super sneaky bid to devide and conquer them all!
Don't forget [info]circe_tigana, little_needle would apparently do anything for attention, or maybe [info]brad did it? or [info]anniesj and msscribe in the library with the candlestick? Anyone know where ataniell93, [info]malfoypatriarch and [info]meghanjinx were the night in question? Hell lets just throw them all up against the wall and see what sticks.

And we're no closer to figuring out who did steal / plagiarize [info]slytherincess’s idea about a locked secret community and rush to steal her thunder? Is that even plagairism?

Who knows or even cares, because who should appear next but our old pal Cassandra Claire! Conditioned no doubt to salivate at mere mention of plagairism, the infamous Cassandra Claire offers her expert opinion on the subject.

And promptly deletes it.

Watch our favorite wacky BNF circle the issue and make oblique references that refer back to her older than dirt war with Aja!

Watch as posts are deleted! Too bad we saved them:

it's just....rather rude to steal something you KNEW a friend was working on, especially after they told you in confidence.

*gosh* whatever could you be referring to? I know! Lets ask [info]littletort:

Yeah, exactly.

I mean, it's not like anyone has a patent on an anon mod idea, it's nothing NEW, but it's just....rather rude to steal something you KNEW a friend was working on, especially after they told you in confidence. *shrugs* Just not a nice thing to do.


CC's deleted response:

That it is



So wait, I'm confused. Did Cassandra Claire just come out and condemn stealing ideas from other people? What about dialogue? Or whole passages from books? Because surely if she aknowledges this more tenuious abstraction of plagairism then "lifting something word for word is bad" would be a concept she would also understand?




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(Post a new comment)


[info]llama_treats
2004-10-17 01:43 am UTC (link)
How dare you mention wankstar in an HP-related wank? THAT'S MY JOB, DAMMIT!

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]infinitemonday, 2004-10-18 01:22 am UTC

[info]saxameup
2004-10-17 01:45 am UTC (link)
New week, new HP wank. This yet again reinforces my idea of HP fandom being like Old Faithful. And once again as a Park Ranger of wank I shall don my short shorts, wear my big fuzzy finger and dance, dance, dance as it rains splooge.

(Reply to this)


(Anonymous)
2004-10-17 02:01 am UTC (link)
For putting together that gargantuan amount of links, and giving me something to read yes!11 you get all the internet cake.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2004-10-17 02:06 am UTC

neoangelss
2004-10-17 02:04 am UTC (link)
...

WTF?

(I'll make a more coherent comment later.)

(Reply to this)


ataniell93
2004-10-17 02:05 am UTC (link)

@_@



Okay.................................

I can honestly say that the only thing I have to do with this is that I'm a member of [info]pornish_pixies.

Wow.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2004-10-17 10:37 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]bitca, 2004-10-18 04:06 pm UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2004-10-21 04:16 am UTC

[info]ashenmote
2004-10-17 02:05 am UTC (link)
Wah! The chibi icon with the arm stumps is scary.

In other news, is it just me or is HP fandom plagiarizing F_Ws very own wank here like a plagiarizing thing that steals?

(Reply to this)


[info]alecto
2004-10-17 02:07 am UTC (link)
I haven't read the wank fully through but it seems like I did the right thing by feeding the troll to the fandom. xDDD

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - ataniell93, 2004-10-17 02:09 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]alecto, 2004-10-17 02:31 am UTC
(no subject) - neoangelss, 2004-10-17 02:56 am UTC
BBQ? - (Anonymous), 2004-10-17 04:41 am UTC

[info]adora_spintriae
2004-10-17 02:36 am UTC (link)
I have come to the conclusion that HP BNF wars are like gladiatorial spectacles. Passionate, bloody, emotional in the way catfights over boyfriends were emotional in high school entertainment for the non-BNF masses such as myself.

*throws popcorn* I bet they all gown down to the pub later, and share a round.


Slytherincess is cute though. She's like the gothic emo chick who's jealous of all the success of the BNFs pretty girls. It's kinda sad when life starts immitating the HP books though. Wasn't it Slytherincess who was part of that House-wank a while ago?

And kudos to you for making such a well-crafted post. I would have never had the time or patience to wade through that amount of spooge. *tips hat*

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]eljuno, 2004-10-17 02:59 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]iczer6, 2004-10-17 07:33 am UTC

teh_one
2004-10-17 02:54 am UTC (link)
Meh. And disappointed in this wank.
If Slytherincess believes one of her sooper sekrit modly cohorts spilled the beans or ran witht he beans, then let's have a roast. But otherwise, cranky at losing out on a new idea because you just didn't move fast enough? Meh. Honestly, if Slytherincess is honest about wanting there to just be a an all-inclusice rec comm and not so much into being able to run it sekritly, then I don't see what's to be all bummed about. She gets the comm and none of the work. Should be the best of both slothful worlds.

Mmmm, sloth. *drools*

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]skarrow, 2004-10-17 05:31 am UTC
(no subject) - teh_one, 2004-10-17 05:57 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]xero_sky, 2004-10-17 07:57 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]skarrow, 2004-10-17 05:36 pm UTC

mute_button
2004-10-17 02:56 am UTC (link)
*eyes the wank*

. . .

*slinks further back into lurkdom*

(Reply to this)


[info]ishtar79
2004-10-17 03:20 am UTC (link)
This post is a thing of beauty, like a quick historical overview of Potter!Wank.

So wait, I'm confused. Did Cassandra Claire just come out and condemn stealing ideas from other people?

...and the Gods of Irony rejoiced...

(Reply to this)


(Anonymous)
2004-10-17 03:28 am UTC (link)
Has anyone ever noticed that even though Sushis a pretty BNF, she's never involved in any wanks? Perhaps Assie Claire some people should learn form her...

And Hell if this'll post more than once.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2004-10-17 03:50 am UTC
(no subject) - ataniell93, 2004-10-17 07:45 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]bookshop, 2004-10-18 03:46 am UTC
(no subject) - ataniell93, 2004-10-18 05:42 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]belafarinrod, 2004-10-18 04:06 pm UTC

[info]disturbedenuff
2004-10-17 05:01 am UTC (link)
"But this is Harry Potter, where a cigar is never just a substitute for your freakish desire to suck Daddy’s dick. (Warning! Link is NOT work safe!)

sicko

I know you peeked."


*gasp*
You tease!

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2004-10-17 08:36 pm UTC

(Anonymous)
2004-10-17 05:06 am UTC (link)
And we're no closer to figuring out who did steal / plagiarize slytherincess’s idea about a locked secret community and rush to steal her thunder? Is that even plagairism?

There are pictures on the layout, right? See what the web addy is and point fingers.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2004-10-17 08:53 am UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2004-10-17 09:28 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]mindset, 2004-10-17 09:42 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]biichan, 2004-10-17 11:22 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]mindset, 2004-10-18 12:20 am UTC

[info]biichan
2004-10-17 05:07 am UTC (link)
......................

*blinks*

My fandom weirds me, man.

(Reply to this)


(Anonymous)
2004-10-17 05:33 am UTC (link)
...WTF? Why does my fandom have to be so insane? WHY?

*wanders away, muttering, "We're not as crazy as LotR. We're not as crazy as LotR. We're not..."*

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2004-10-17 08:38 pm UTC
The VSD of a BNF, part I
[info]wankprophet
2004-10-17 06:01 am UTC (link)
[disclaimer: all people mentioned except for me are the possession of themselves. Also: as far as I know, I came up with the idea of writing a sekrit diary, so dun steel!]

Day 1: Today I embark on my quest to become a Harry Potter BNF. I know I will succeed because I'm a blue-eyed unicorn genius.

Day 2: Have friended everybody.

Day 3: Whee, 10 people friended me back. Only 3, 914 to go!

Day 4: Am creating 2nd journal i case nobody like the name of my first one.

Day 5: Have decided to start writing my Neville Longbottom series after realizing that he has the word "bottom" in his name so people will automatically know that I'm writing gay B&D fic. *pats beautiful brilliant self on back*

Day 10: My Neville's Long Bottom series is in full swing.

Day 11: I took a sorting quiz and I was sorted into fucking Ravenclaw. Fuck.

Day 12: Took quiz again. Ravenclaw.

Day 13: Damn. Slytherin this time.

Day 14: Finally! Gryffindor! About goddamn time the quiz got it right. The fact that I had to lie and say I'm not a rat-faced nerd just to get into Gryffindor tells me that the quizwriter had no idea what the hell he was doing.

Day 24: I need an Etch-a-Sketch so badly.

Day 32:
ROMEO
She speaks:
O, speak again, bright angel! for thou art
As glorious to this night, being o'er my head
As is a winged messenger of heaven
Unto the white-upturned wondering eyes
Of mortals that fall back to gaze on him
When he bestrides the lazy-pacing clouds
And sails upon the bosom of the air.

JULIET
O Romeo, Romeo! wherefore art thou Romeo?
Deny thy father and refuse thy name;
Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love,
And I'll no longer be a Capulet.

Day 35: Have just discovered F. is going to vote for Bush. I cannot be friends with someone like that. Clearly, since I'm the BNF and she's just a fanfic writer, she should change her vote. How would it look if people saw her bullying and disrespecting me by voting for someone I don't like. Besides, I'd sooner vote for Hitler than Bush.

ETA: Just googled...apparently, Hitler's dead. So I guess I can't vote for him.

Day 39: I'm so jealous of all my friends' Etch-a-Sketches!

Day 46: Y. wrote a goddamned het-fic! With Harry/Hermione! I can't keep a breeder like that on my f-list. I explained it to her very carefully, but she just kept disagreeing with me. I can't understand people sometimes.

Day 47: I hate Fandom_Wank.

Day 53: I've finally got my first fangirl. Her name is "Pantywaist Pansy," she's 13, her measurements are 14/14/14, her favorite band is N'Sync and she's voting for Kerry!

Day 60: What's a Mary-Sue, and why are people saying my Neville is one? He's so not me. I mean, he's male, for one, and has a much bigger dick than me (at 14 inches, it's much bigger ha ha ha) And I've never seduced every one of the boys in Gryffindor and half the teachers at Hogwarts, like he has. So we're nothing alike. Though he's almost as pretty as me, that I will admit.

Day 82: Whee! Some people bought me an Etch-a-Sketch! Thank you thank you thank you!!!

Day 83: I hate Fandom_Wank

Day 99 Almost done...just put in the best writing I've done yet. Sample:
NEVILLE
She speaks:
O, speak again, bright angel! for thou art
As glorious to this night, being o'er my head
As is a winged messenger of heaven
Unto the white-upturned wondering eyes
Of mortals that fall back to gaze on him
When he bestrides the lazy-pacing clouds
And sails upon the bosom of the air.

SEVERUS
O Longbottom, Longbottom! wherefore art thou Longbottom?
Deny thy father and refuse thy name;
Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love,
And I'll no longer be a Snape.

Day 104: Have finally finished my "Neville Does Longbottoms" series! Nothing to do but sit back and wait for the love. Did the math yesterday...I am 3.14159 times more loved than L., who's under the delusion she's a real BNF.

~continued below~

(Reply to this)(Thread)

Re: The VSD of a BNF, part I - [info]wankprophet, 2004-10-17 06:03 am UTC
Re: The VSD of a BNF, part I - teh_one, 2004-10-17 06:12 am UTC
Re: The VSD of a BNF, part I - [info]hitwoman, 2004-10-17 07:28 am UTC
Re: The VSD of a BNF, part I - [info]phosfate, 2004-10-17 07:51 am UTC
Re: The VSD of a BNF, part I - [info]silverwind, 2004-10-17 08:46 am UTC
Re: The VSD of a BNF, part I - [info]krazycat, 2004-10-17 09:59 am UTC
Re: The VSD of a BNF, part I - [info]wankprophet, 2004-10-19 01:25 am UTC
Re: The VSD of a BNF, part I - (Anonymous), 2004-10-19 05:27 am UTC
Re: The VSD of a BNF, part I - [info]strange_autumn, 2004-10-17 10:16 am UTC
Re: The VSD of a BNF, part I - [info]squib, 2004-10-17 01:02 pm UTC
Re: The VSD of a BNF, part I - [info]ishtar79, 2004-10-17 03:12 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]llama_treats, 2004-10-17 03:49 pm UTC
Re: The VSD of a BNF, part I - [info]monkeywrench, 2004-10-17 05:33 pm UTC
Re: The VSD of a BNF, part I - [info]mister_pointy, 2004-10-17 07:09 pm UTC
Re: The VSD of a BNF, part I - [info]seppuku, 2004-10-18 02:48 am UTC
Re: The VSD of a BNF, part I - [info]bitca, 2004-10-18 04:21 pm UTC
Re: The VSD of a BNF, part I - [info]livii, 2004-10-18 05:28 pm UTC
Re: The VSD of a BNF, part I - [info]alina_kalime, 2004-10-19 03:35 am UTC
Re: The VSD of a BNF, part I - [info]ravenclaw_devi, 2004-10-19 08:14 pm UTC
Re: The VSD of a BNF, part I - [info]kijikun, 2004-10-20 12:13 am UTC
Re: The VSD of a BNF, part I - [info]dracolovesharry, 2004-10-20 08:57 pm UTC
Re: The VSD of a BNF, part I - (Anonymous), 2004-10-25 07:39 am UTC
Re: The VSD of a BNF, part I - [info]eljuno, 2004-10-17 06:11 am UTC
Re: The VSD of a BNF, part I - [info]prettyveela, 2004-10-18 10:56 am UTC
! - (Anonymous), 2004-10-19 09:54 pm UTC
Re: The VSD of a BNF, part I - [info]herring, 2004-10-21 01:03 am UTC

(Anonymous)
2004-10-17 08:00 am UTC (link)
http://www.fictionalley.org/fictionalleypark/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=73006&perpage=20&pagenumber=1

Here's some more HP wankery.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2004-10-17 08:31 am UTC
(no subject) - teh_one, 2004-10-17 08:40 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]ashenmote, 2004-10-17 10:20 am UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2004-10-17 10:31 am UTC

(Anonymous)
2004-10-17 09:09 am UTC (link)
What I just don't get is why it matters. It's, what? A locked recs community? Why in the world would it matter if there were one of those, or hundreds?

You know your BNF's are batshit crazy when they freak out over people stealing their ideas for LJ communities. Because, you know, there is only one fanfic challenge community on LJ, only one that features Political stuff, etc.

And like, oh my god! I was on LJ back when it was fairly new. Those nasty BNFs plagerised me by coming along and using the site as a *journal*! They should have thought up there own original way of using LJ!

(Reply to this)

psst...
(Anonymous)
2004-10-17 09:23 am UTC (link)
More HP wank here: http://www.fictionalley.org/fictionalleypark/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=73006&perpage=20&pagenumber=1

(Reply to this)(Thread)

Re: psst... - (Anonymous), 2004-10-17 09:51 am UTC
Re: psst... - (Anonymous), 2004-10-17 10:02 am UTC
Re: psst... - (Anonymous), 2004-10-17 10:53 pm UTC

[info]winterfalls
2004-10-17 10:39 am UTC (link)
Ahhh HP wank always makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.

(Reply to this)


[info]rockette_j
2004-10-17 10:58 am UTC (link)
HP BNFs make baby Snape cry.

Hell, they make grown-up Rocky cry, and I'm a big girl with other fandoms to play in. I've chatted with the BNFs. Even worked with a couple of them on minor projects. And I STILL do not get why so many people think these women are any better than the rest of the fandom.

*deep breath*

At least they give us something to point and laugh at.

"I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER."
--Groucho Marx

(Reply to this)


[info]missi
2004-10-17 06:15 pm UTC (link)
The wank is beautiful, but holy keerap, man.

This POST is a thing of beauty.

A++, gold stars, et cetera et cetera.

The wank should be brought this way every time!

(Then, I suppose, wankas would get spoiled, though.)

(Reply to this)


[info]dracolovesharry
2004-10-18 04:40 am UTC (link)
So wait, I'm confused. Did Cassandra Claire just come out and condemn stealing ideas from other people? What about dialogue? Or whole passages from books? Because surely if she aknowledges this more tenuious abstraction of plagairism then "lifting something word for word is bad" would be a concept she would also understand?

You'd better start calling yourself black, Ms. Kettle.


Anyways, this was a post of pure brilliance-- I think that it'll catch a LOT of newer fandom_wank members up with what has been going on for so long. I applaud this. ;)

(Reply to this)


[info]elanor_durall
2004-10-18 06:33 am UTC (link)
sicko

I know you peeked.


Yes, but only because I was hoping for Lucius/Draco fanart.

Damned tease.

(Reply to this)



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