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bisclavret ([info]bisclavret) wrote in [info]fandom_wank,
@ 2004-11-12 19:54:00
Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Current mood:*thud*
Entry tags:fandom: lord of the rings, person: turimel, person: victoria bitter

"It's just a movie. Like. Fucking. Hell."
Uhhh ... whether me posting this is appropriate or not, I have no idea. So if it isn't, sorry.

It's just that I got my copy of "When a Fan Hits the Shit" in the mail a few days ago and even though I've read everything there is online about that wank that makes all other wanks look like wannabes (yes, after reading this book even the Crystal Apocalypse looks tame), I'm still desperately attempting to keep myself from hyperventilating with horrified laughter at some of the things in there.

Probably worst of all is the VB/OB chat transcript. How the ...? It boggles the mind.

Here's VB quoting her "Master" (don't ask me!! it's some sort of psychic channeling shit) after showing her footage of the actors:

I will give you my first impressions of the others for now, but remember, love, video tape is not the best means of this. I really should be meeting your boys if I am to be any more than accurate in the broadest strokes. [me: whatever the fuck that means.] Mr. McKellen seems to bear the spirit of Zeus, wise and a bit naughty. Mr. Wood needs nothing more than video tape, in truth. I could have done it from a photograph. His spirit is a pure Wood Elf stronger and truer than any I have seen in many an age. What he's doing here, I do not know. He does not belong. The stout fellow is of Baldir and the Great Mother, and Mr. Wood's two companions both carry streaks of Faerie wider than they are tall, that apparently not being much to say.

And after some dissection of this stunning spiritual analysis, VB effuses,

"It's just a movie. Like. Fucking. Hell. ... There are energies being tapped here that I can't even begin to comprehend, nor to fathom why."

And Abbey/OB replies "*tremuloulsy*" (her stupid spelling error, not mine) "If this is just a movie just a book .just. then I'm the Queen of Spain."


(Post a new comment)


[info]sepiamagpie
2004-11-13 03:24 am UTC (link)
I dunno. the only big thing about the crystalwank was the comments. All she did was photoshop pictures and claim she drew 'em. Not exactly eating babies.

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]bisclavret
2004-11-13 03:29 am UTC (link)
Well, the thing about Crystal was that she just kept going ... and going ... and going. And still goes. But then again, so do Amy and Abbey. And the pit they dug for themselves is fathoms deeper than Crystal's ... and funnier. Anyone who was floored by Crystal's pseudo-intellectual blather obviously hasn't read some of Amy's choicest flights of fancy.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]sepiamagpie, 2004-11-13 03:56 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]bisclavret, 2004-11-13 04:03 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]sepiamagpie, 2004-11-13 04:10 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]bisclavret, 2004-11-13 05:09 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]julia, 2004-11-13 05:11 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]bisclavret, 2004-11-13 05:37 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]julia, 2004-11-13 06:11 am UTC
(no subject) - kroki_refur, 2004-11-13 12:19 pm UTC

[info]pokecheck
2004-11-13 03:30 am UTC (link)
Didn't she get a little shrill about the TOS or something?

But yeah. It was just everyone and their fucking blow-up cow a large number of comments. One linked to my webpage. It warmed the cockles of my cockles.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]danceswithelvis, 2004-11-13 03:50 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]cesare, 2004-11-13 03:55 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]seppuku, 2004-11-13 04:05 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]cesare, 2004-11-13 04:17 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]danceswithelvis, 2004-11-13 04:45 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]ceadsearc, 2004-11-13 03:32 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]anatsuno, 2004-11-13 04:06 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]cesare, 2004-11-13 04:16 am UTC

[info]cesare
2004-11-13 03:42 am UTC (link)
All she did was photoshop pictures and claim she drew 'em.

Well, the reason the comments went on and on (aside from sheer perpetual motion) was that people kept finding other wanky stuff she'd done. She'd claimed that she met the actors, using pictures of them at events as 'proof', claiming she took the photos. She Photoshopped Dom into pictures of her rooms and made ambivalent posts not-quite-claiming that she had met him or knew him. And so on, and so forth. Plus, it took a while to figure out her 'sketch' Photoshop tricks.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]sepiamagpie, 2004-11-13 03:49 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]msilverstar, 2004-11-13 03:54 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]sepiamagpie, 2004-11-13 03:57 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]bisclavret, 2004-11-13 04:00 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]sepiamagpie, 2004-11-13 04:13 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]bisclavret, 2004-11-13 04:43 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]bisclavret, 2004-11-13 04:46 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]boadicea, 2004-11-13 10:56 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]norabombay, 2004-11-15 10:50 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]crickets, 2004-11-16 06:56 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]mistressrenet, 2004-11-17 07:47 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]cesare, 2004-11-13 04:02 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]bisclavret, 2004-11-13 04:08 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]sepiamagpie, 2004-11-13 04:11 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]cesare, 2004-11-13 04:24 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]sepiamagpie, 2004-11-13 04:25 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]pokecheck, 2004-11-13 04:16 am UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2004-11-13 06:33 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]iczer6, 2004-11-13 07:13 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]nevadafighter, 2004-11-13 05:20 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]bubosquared, 2004-11-13 01:43 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]ashenmote, 2004-11-13 07:28 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]bubosquared, 2004-11-14 02:22 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]crickets, 2004-11-14 05:45 am UTC

[info]esorlehcar
2004-11-13 06:24 pm UTC (link)
Oh, there was a lot more to it, with Crystal. That girl practically defines the term unmitigated gall. The lies, the threats, the self-aggrandizing - Crystal made MsA look sane, and that's really not something I thought I'd ever be able to say about anyone.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]khym_chanur
2004-11-13 03:38 am UTC (link)
Zeus is a bit naughty? I mean, isn't Zeus the Supreme Lord of All Naughtiness to the Nth Power?

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]bisclavret
2004-11-13 03:45 am UTC (link)
Apparently when he's in the incarnation of Ian McKellen, it's just a "twinkle-in-the-eye" kind of naughtiness.

VB: "But no spiritual energy or spirit can manifest purely in the mind of any but the most deeply trained and gifted, so like any spirit or God or divine, they come through a form we can comprehend. This is why the Gods of any culture resemble the bodies and customs of that culture. In our case, they reach to us through the most closely identified aspects. hobbits. She [VB's "Master"] says I'm being contacted by the warrior-spirit -- he's been called everything from Thor to Ares to Seti over the ages -- trying to use Soldier!Merry as an avenue to tap my creational energies."

*converts to the religion of VB*

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]teratologist, 2004-11-13 03:47 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]bisclavret, 2004-11-13 03:57 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]seppuku, 2004-11-13 04:05 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]bisclavret, 2004-11-13 04:10 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]twocorpses, 2004-11-13 04:41 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]turimel, 2004-11-16 04:31 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]phosfate, 2004-11-13 04:15 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]bisclavret, 2004-11-13 04:17 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]skarrow, 2004-11-13 04:21 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]bisclavret, 2004-11-13 04:30 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]skarrow, 2004-11-13 04:17 am UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2004-11-13 09:14 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]seto_fangirl, 2004-11-13 10:23 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]dejla, 2004-11-16 12:35 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]serai, 2004-11-13 07:43 am UTC

[info]pokecheck
2004-11-13 04:22 am UTC (link)
the Supreme Lord of All Naughtiness to the Nth Power?

And that doesn't bring to mind a fiesty gay senior bloke whose Richard III scared the bejezus out of me?

Zeus is gay. I'm happy.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]adora_spintriae, 2004-11-14 03:31 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]vassilissa, 2004-11-14 12:18 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]visp, 2004-11-14 04:03 am UTC

[info]pokecheck
2004-11-13 04:10 am UTC (link)
I'm the Queen of Spain.

Where, oh, where is lindentree with the "I am the Queen of France!" *arm boogie* icon?

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]marlo
2004-11-13 04:27 am UTC (link)
AHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA I love that one!! Whenever I see it, for the rest of the day I keep hearing that MickeyMouse crazy Hertzfeldt voice saying it.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


(Anonymous)
2004-11-13 04:29 am UTC (link)
I'm the Queen of Spain.

Once I was the Queen of Spain
(Now I eat humble pie)...

/Moxy Fruvous

- Sonetka

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]kaen, 2004-11-13 04:48 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]skarrow, 2004-11-13 05:23 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]kyuuketsukirui, 2004-11-13 01:06 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]sunhawk, 2004-11-13 11:44 am UTC

[info]amandatwop
2004-11-13 04:23 am UTC (link)
I was particuarly impressed by the transcript that came after it, with the woman who was supposedly channeling Merry, Frodo, and Eowyn all at once. There's 20 minutes of my life I'll never get back. I still don't quite understand what the deal was. Did Patty think they were role-playing but Charles and Abbey didn't?

But the "Mordor Municipal Public Library" crack my shit up. Jeanine doth bringeth the snark.

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]bisclavret
2004-11-13 04:40 am UTC (link)
Yeah, from what I understand, Patty thought they were roll-playing; Charles was trying to get some kind of real paranormal experience; and Linus was trying to become an Amy groupie.

Sometime I didn't realize right away, too, Abbey and Patty's conversation was going on in one window, and Patty was copying and pasting the convo/channeling experience with her and Linus and Charles from another window so Abbey could see.

I must admit I have not managed to make my way through that in its entirety. I was trying to read it at work last night but my co-workers kept being freaked out by the bizarre expressions of disgust on my face. Oh god, the DRAMA!

O: *clings to Merry for a moment, touches the familiar face fondly*

Oh please kill me. The only thing that keeps me going crazy reading it is Turi's dry footnotes and David Salo's comments.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

My blankie, please - [info]moonjaguar, 2004-11-13 11:39 pm UTC
Re: My blankie, please - [info]bisclavret, 2004-11-14 12:25 am UTC

(Anonymous)
2004-11-13 06:06 am UTC (link)
I don't care if it isn't wank per se. Up veiny reportage. I'm aroused cheered by the continuation of the saga. I'll plonk plunk my money down for each installment.

Wait, it's free. Niice.

~semi-flacid Mouse

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]bisclavret
2004-11-13 07:20 pm UTC (link)
You should really buy the book though. For several reasons:

1) To help Right The Wrong The Evil Asshats Did *sniffle* Seriously, after the price of producing the book is paid off, a good portion of the proceeds is going to go first towards paying back all the people who got screwed, and then eventually to make up for all the charity donations that were raised and never made.

2) Because there's barrels more where this came (the excerpts I've quoted? They come from a 50 page long Appendix. Two chat transcripts, one between Amy and Abbey, and one between Abbey and some wannabes -- which is actually even worse -- plus commentary by Turi and David Salo). And I ain't typing it all out. ;)

3) Because it's really funny. And I said so.


... This will go on for sometime though, I think! We've still got the losers making the rounds in Los Angeles, and hopefully we'll eventually get to see them go to jail.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]lurker32
2004-11-13 06:26 am UTC (link)
So. Weird. SO WEIRD.

*sits in the corner, boggling among the Doritos and rocking slightly*

(Reply to this)


[info]crickets
2004-11-13 08:11 am UTC (link)
"There are energies being tapped here that I can't even begin to comprehend, nor to fathom why."

Well, obviously.

(Reply to this)


[info]arielchan
2004-11-13 08:28 am UTC (link)
...

At some point I must read this book.

(Reply to this)


[info]sneer
2004-11-13 09:19 am UTC (link)
See, Crystal was wanky but relatively harmless. This pair is fucking scary. If they're not completely bugfuck crazy, they're brilliant con artists.

...Oh, wait. They're both.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

Icon!
[info]khym_chanur
2004-11-13 09:26 am UTC (link)
Pyscho chihuahua, squee!

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]ecchaniz0r
2004-11-13 10:11 am UTC (link)
It's just that I got my copy of "When a Fan Hits the Shit" in the mail a few days ago

*THWOMPCACKLEDOOOM*

Lurve

(Reply to this)


[info]rossywar
2004-11-13 06:35 pm UTC (link)
Where is this book available to buy? I tried looking on amazon.com, but to no avail.

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]ashenmote
2004-11-13 07:13 pm UTC (link)
I think http://www.turondo.com/

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]msmanna
2004-11-13 07:14 pm UTC (link)
http://www.turondo.com/

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]bitca
2004-11-13 11:19 pm UTC (link)
*covets icon*

(Reply to this)

  
   
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