War of the Tori wanks!
Take this post as a warning: it is highly likely that there will be steady, nay, powerful stream of wankage coming in the next few months from the @forumz Tori Amos board. Because she's got a new album coming out, and the masses are teaming with wank of the highest quality.

Our first example: two song samples have leaked.

Fans already were a little wary, because about a week ago, someone who got an advanced copy of Tori's book with Ann Powers, "Piece by Piece", leaked info and took photos of some of the pages (which have been taken down now, I think because of fear of getting in trouble for it). These excerpts revealed Tori talking in an even loopier fashion than usual, as well as a number of new song titles, including the classy "Hoochie Woman" and "The Power of Orange Knickers". No, sorry, this is not a joke. (That wank went down here, but seeing as it's 16 pages long and the best is yet to come, it might be better to take my word for it.)

Still, despite this mild uproar, if anything this bizarreness lent most fans to believe that the album might be really weird and passionate and out there, another "Boys for Pele" or something, which, after her last album, "Scarlet's Walk", many people were eager for. So the shock at hearing the 90 second clips of "Sleeps With Butterflies" and "Cars and Guitars" was profound, to say the least. Smegma writes: "Thanks, you made my day. But that's actually before hearing those clips."

Of the first song, some have compared it to the type of music you hear when you've been put on hold on the telephone. One poster writes, "The opening vocal of "Cars and Guitars" sounds just like Cat Stevens, "Father and Son"!" Ouch. Some say, "Hold up! These might just be singles, and the rest of the album might be interesting!" Others are already calling it quits.

Pretty soon the Tori forum is awash in splooge. People keep making new threads, often making punctuation errors that would have Lynne Truss in tears ("Sleep's with Butterflys"), either to freak out about the songs, freak out about the people who don't like the songs, or freak out that they are such losers they care so much.


Um, come on, "Cars and Guitars" is TLC's "Unpretty" "...and "Sleeps with Butterflies" is a WB drama theme song."

It*s all Marks Fault which at first seems mildly amusing until you realize the poster is serious:

I refuse to believe Tori is making this crap( SWB , C&G ) without a gun to her head,
I mean this is the woman that listened to rock music her whole life, it's the woman that said that she DIDN*T make background music, it's the woman that said she WASN'T Jewel!!!!!!!

I'm going to cry my self to sleep tonight.......

What is the deal with everybody? -- whatever this person originally wrote, it was later edited in frustration. Instead, the board is informed that "You people are all sheep"!!!11 Others join in the fun however, and accusations of fat asses, Walmart employment, and trailer park residency are flung about.

And ... yeah ... there's more, much more. And more will come, I can guarantee.