You don't *get* it! And we're all jelouz! And fundamentally insecure!
Remember Turimel? She was scammed by VB and OB, and has now written a book about it called "When a Fan Hits the Shit".

Unfortunately, none other than the Forces of Evil (capitalization mine) are at work to make Teh Book (capitalization hers) lose its battle against the evil hobbits. How? By writing bad reviews in Amazon.

"Amateurish prose?" Gee, Dan Hays, professional book reviewer, didn't find it amateur, he commented that it was very well written. The Lincoln Heights Literary Society didn't find it amateur..let's see, here's "lively and funny" and "effective storytelling device." I've got university professors and Hollywood producers telling me what a fabulous read it was. Dorothea Salo, probably the most literary minded person to read the book, did say that it's "not written in anything resembling journalistic or historical style," but I believe that's meant as a compliment--in my mind historical style = boring and journalistic = more exciting but no funnies.

And I'm sorry, but NO ONE ELSE has found the book "not funny," besides those three people (two of whom have obviously not read it and the third I'm not sure).

See, it's been read by intellectual giants and possibly waitresses living in trailer parks, and they all *loved* it!

In short, just who the hell are those guys and why are they trying so hard to make my book a failure? I mean, really, wank me on FW all you want, but deliberately writing bullshit in order to persuade people not to buy Teh Book? That's gone beyond childish. Are you guys so fundamentally insecure that the only way you can feel satisfied is to see my book fail? Is it jealousy, that you've always wanted to write something and I went and took a topic you were familiar with and wrote a book about it, beating you to the punch? Do you feel left out because I didn't include your personal BoE story, or ask to use one of your snarky quotes from F-W?

Or maybe they just don't like the book.

...

Naaaah.

If I had a fraction of the charisma Amy Player has...I try to picture what she would have done here. How can I turn this book into my own little BoE--

I suppose when you've been an spectator to VB's actions, you wonder if you could be like her. Temptation may be strong; there's hobbit sex, money, the adoration of people, snuggling Sean Astin, cookies... but don't go to the Dark Side of the Force! Because... um, it's illegal. In many countries. And no one will read your fanfiction anymore.

I also don't have any sexy explicit slash stuff. Who wants to read 300 pages of WTFBBQ when they can just click over to a fanfic site and read about steamy breath and exploring fingers? [...] Gotta have that least-common-denominator element in there or you're stuck with something too highbrow, too thoughty.

"Maybe people are disappointed because they want to skip all the details of my story and get straight to the VB/OB sex... but how can I include that? The book was intended for family consumption! These people extremely resent anything that's not pr0n, the pervs." Mmmmpr0n.

Or maybe it really isn't a very good book. So many people who don't have either a grudge against me OR some personal stake in the story have complimented it, that makes it hard for me to believe that it isn't good.

"But maybe... Maybe the book isn't good. NO! I REFUSE TO BELIEVE THAT THIS PONY HASN'T BEEN BEATEN *AND* BEADED TO DEATH!"

And now I'm slightly sour because I don't have an Anne Rice icon.

ETA: Fixed the book's title. Ahem.