Log In

Home
    - Create Journal
    - Update
    - Download

LiveJournal
    - News
    - Paid Accounts
    - Contributors

Customize
    - Customize Journal
    - Create Style
    - Edit Style

Find Users
    - Random!
    - By Region
    - By Interest
    - Search

Edit ...
    - Personal Info &
      Settings
    - Your Friends
    - Old Entries
    - Your Pictures
    - Your Password

Developer Area

Need Help?
    - Lost Password?
    - Freq. Asked
      Questions
    - Support Area



Auntie Singe Addams ([info]singe) wrote in [info]fandom_wank,
@ 2005-01-17 11:10:00
Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
An anon brought us this small LOTR wank.
Jorn (Jarl?) Benson cut his hair for a role in 'King Kong' and...

Laney gets her knickers in a twist because OMG HE CUT HIZ HAIR!

http://jornbenzon.proboards18.com/index.cgi?board=general&action=display&num=1105747598

http://jornbenzon.proboards18.com/index.cgi?board=jorn&action=display&num=1105805427&start=0

~Aude


I say it looks like Lainey's just being a typical fangirl. "Wah! The purty elf cut his hair!" But I think the real wankers in this one are the people jumping on her for not having 'respect.'

I just feel that the poor guy needs some respect and that some of the stupid things people have been saying with regard to his hair aren't exactly going to make him feel good about himself or the people he seems to attract as fans.

Poor Jarl Some of us do love AND respect him for himself and I homestly think he deserves better than this. And if i offend people by this post then so be it. Real fans will love Jarl no matter what he does or looks like.

Love Angi

Jarl'd be lost without fan-defense.

(Post a new comment)


[info]ashenmote
2005-01-17 08:00 pm UTC (link)
OMG U LUV JUST HIS HAIR? I TAKE A MORE HOLISTIC APPROACH AND LUV ALOF HIM SO THERE! OMG PLZ MAKE THAT JARL READS THIS!

Love, Angi


And there will be a day when I don't have to google the name of Jarl Benson, but this was not the day.

(Reply to this)(Thread)


(Anonymous)
2005-01-17 11:00 pm UTC (link)
You know what's really sad? That he probably will read it, as this is his brother's offical wank machine fan(girl) board...it's rather annoying when the actors themselves make one's fandom look stupid, like Lawrence Makoare (Witchking, Lurtz), who has nothing better to do than go onto said board and inform the weeping fangirls why exactly Jarl had his hair cut...

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]erototoxin, 2005-01-18 03:00 am UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2005-01-18 08:21 pm UTC

[info]bubba_ray
2005-01-17 08:23 pm UTC (link)
Nothing to contribute, just a strange urge to post in every time Jorn Benzon makes an appearance here.

(Reply to this)


[info]fatesarchitect
2005-01-17 08:25 pm UTC (link)
The webpage says Jorn, the posters say Jarl...

..they are all VETOED from that fandom because nobody really knows his name, apparently.

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]shadownlite
2005-01-18 01:44 am UTC (link)
Word!

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]jess_d_ripper
2005-01-18 03:07 am UTC (link)
It appears that Jarl is Jorn's even less famous brother. He's got a fan club though, God bless him.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]shadownlite, 2005-01-18 08:11 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]ashenmote, 2005-01-19 02:06 pm UTC

[info]_lotuseater
2005-01-17 08:40 pm UTC (link)
PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME

(icon love)

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]chaimonkey
2005-01-17 08:48 pm UTC (link)
FUCK YEAH

(ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring bannana phone)

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]25th_of_april, 2005-01-17 10:54 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]_lotuseater, 2005-01-18 12:03 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]khym_chanur, 2005-01-18 01:06 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]chaimonkey, 2005-01-18 04:48 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]sparkle_bitch, 2005-01-18 03:11 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]chaimonkey, 2005-01-18 03:15 am UTC

[info]mrbimble
2005-01-17 09:28 pm UTC (link)
this is all about the guy that was second elf from the left, with no lines, right?


riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]cleolinda
2005-01-17 11:01 pm UTC (link)
Yeah, pretty much. One of the pouty Lorien elves. God forbid he should actually, you know, cut his hair and get more work.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]ashenmote, 2005-01-17 11:37 pm UTC

[info]shadownlite
2005-01-18 01:46 am UTC (link)
I am a LOTR fan and didn't know who the heck this guy was.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

(Deleted post)
(no subject) - [info]shadownlite, 2005-01-18 08:19 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]bobomagicksock, 2005-01-18 08:29 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]shadownlite, 2005-01-18 08:38 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]bobomagicksock, 2005-01-18 08:46 am UTC

[info]ladysorka
2005-01-17 10:10 pm UTC (link)
...who?

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]singe
2005-01-18 01:37 am UTC (link)
No clue. I'm just the messenger and I wash my hands of them all. Sniff!

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]rachel_04
2005-01-17 10:18 pm UTC (link)
Oh I adore Jarl/Jorn wanks...All because this one time at Fandom_Wank he actually showed up to defend himself! It was so cute! (Now if I could only find the link...)

Oh and after a little google myself. I think they are two people no? Jarl and Jorn are brothers or something?

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]caffeinatedjedi
2005-01-17 11:24 pm UTC (link)
Here.

*pets google*

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]rachel_04, 2005-01-18 06:15 pm UTC

[info]shadownlite
2005-01-18 01:48 am UTC (link)
He actually came on here and defended himself?

Thank goodness he cut his hair to get a job...he has way too much time on his hands.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]lindentree
2005-01-17 11:25 pm UTC (link)
Jesus. People really will wank about anything, eh?

(Reply to this)

Creating a fake!Celeb 1
[info]wankprophet
2005-01-17 11:39 pm UTC (link)
In this era of instant communications and flash-photography celebrity, sometimes we have to share our celebrities with some really obnoxious people. If you want to be a BNF, you'll have to wait in line while fangirls and boys do nasty sex things to Sarah Michelle Gellar or Alan Rickman that could never happen in a universe where carbon is the basic building block for organic matter. Your great Lucius/Draco/Tumnus the Faun incest threesome beastiality mpreg slashfic will always be relegated to obscurity so long as certain fans can claim to have been slashing Scully with Peeves since before you were born, and others have entire servers devoted solely to photomanips of Hermione teaching Galadriel arithmancy and variations of the number 69. At that point, you have two options: you can get yourself repeatedly Fandom_Wank-ed in order to get attention, or you can create your own celebrity and get a head start on everyone else. It's not hard.

Picking a fake!Celeb This is the easy part. Take your favorite movie or TV show and find a character in it so obscure that they probably wouldn't even recognize themselves in the mirror. Remember Orc #14 in the Battle of Helm's Deep? The ugly sumbitch with the weapon and the bad teeth? yeah, that's the one. While everyone else is focused on Viggo and Orlando and Karl, you can create an entire fandom before they even realize you snuck one in. By the time they manage to write their first Orc #14/Bilbo rapefic, you'll already be in position to commit Internet suicide...and have people care! It'll be sweet, I tell you.

An even better tactic is to pick someone that was cut from the movie/show. Fangirling a minor character is pretentious enough to gain respect, but fangirling someone that has never actually appeared on-screen is totally 733t. By the time the rest of the fandom catches up, you'll be a BNF of such magnitude that people will be begging to help pay for your tsunami relief 8-track player.

Your fake!Celeb can be either a character or an actor. As the tinhats taught us, there's no basic difference between the two. Every time Frodo's hands linger on Merry, the DomLijah cult has a PR-suppressed orgasm.

Remember: like real!Celebs, fake!Celebs can often get away with lacking the basic attractiveness God gave a 20 year old lawn gnome. If people can lust over porn actresses who look like they were conceived in a rutabaga patch and squee over Dominic Monaghan's all-natural "Brothers Grimm" look, your fake!Celeb can look like Spam!Piglet and still attract nasty RPS porn stories.

Even so, the fake!Celebs must pass what I like to call The Soylent Green Rule: would you kick him or her out of bed for eating people? (Note, this question doesn't apply to some of the more insane Draco fangirls.)

Giving Your fake!Celeb Fame: Gay Rumors It's a well-known and open industry secret that Dominic Monaghan would never have gotten another major job if people didn't think he was giving Elijah Wood anal pleasure in prominent Wellington, NZ bathhouses. While Dom was one of the lucky few to overcome imminent fake!Celeb status to achieve real!Celeb, this will not be the case for 99% of the fake!Celebs. But his case illustrates one essential point: gay rumors are a must. Would people still remember Alexander the Great if someone hadn't made a totally-gay movie about him? Or Would the ultimate fake!Celebs, Munchkins from Wizard of Oz, still be making the convention and autography circuit if people didn't suspect the Lollipop Guild was just a front for a leatherboy bondage dungeon? Would anyone know who the hell fake!Celeb Anne Heche was if her horoscope hadn't told her to go sapphic for a couple weeks?

(Reply to this)(Thread)

Re: Creating a fake!Celeb 2
[info]wankprophet
2005-01-17 11:39 pm UTC (link)

Giving Your Fake!Celeb a Name: Remember, your fake!Celeb must have an interesting name. If s/he doesn't, nobody will give a fuck unless s/he goes on to murder a rutabaga-lookin' porn actress or something. Consider Kato Kaelin: would he have been as great a fake!Celeb as he was if he had been named "Emma Watson?" Would people still remember that one-hit wonder Bambi if he hadn't been named after a prostitute? Would anybody read Cassie Claire's tedious delusions if she used her real name? Or her own words? Can you imagine attending a stage product of Paul Fink's "Romeo and Juliet" or Bill Smith's "Hamlet"? Seriously, now. While it's preferable for the fake!Celeb to have real name that's interesting, sometimes they don't, and you have to take matters into your own hands. If you're stuck, a hint: great fake!Celeb names can be drawn from Greek myth. When "Jim McLeod" becomes "Hector McLeod" or "Hercules McLeod," people will start masturbating to the name within hours of his elevation to fake!Celeb. In fact, I bet half of you are already feeling kinda hot and bothered by the mere possibility of a celebrity named "Hercules McLeod" out there. Admit it, you already want to create a fansite for Herc Mackie.

Warning: it's important to remember that some real!Celebs have fake!Celeb names. Examples: Orlando Bloom. Charlize Theron. Viggo Mortensen. Jude Law. Alyson Hannigan. Mao Tse-Tung. Rupert Grint. Jewel Kilcher. While some -- or most -- of these may one day become has-been!Celebs, they are not fake!Celebs. Good rule of thumb for distinguishing the two: in 30 years, fake!Celebs will be either alcoholic bouncers at country-western bars or alcoholic floor managers at meatpacking plants. Has-been!Celebs will be junkie sex offenders. Just ask yourself which category yours falls in.

Rule of Recognition: Name recognition is important. If more than half your friends recognize your fake celebrities name (before you start obsessing, mind you), then you cannot make the person into a fake celebrity. S/he is already a real!Celeb and will probably be quite put out at your efforts to make him or her a fake one. Even if, like Anne Rice, the person deserves to be a fake!Celeb. And works hard at it.

-- Corollary to Rule of Recognition Pick one name and stick with it. If you don't know his or her actual preferred name, make one up, for chrissakes, but don't confuse Google by using a half-dozen different ones!

Once you've created your fake!Celeb, all that remains is consolidating BNF-power. To do this, you need a minor crisis you can way over-fucking-react to. Shipping crises are a standard. Remember, Teh Wun Tru Luv is the fandom equivalent of the common cold -- characters and actors can catch it from anything, up to and including touching a doorknob. Your fake!Celeb must fall in love with a casual acquaintance or mortal enemy or no-one will take you seriously. So strike back before the haters strike first! If you don't, you may find yourself faced with the ultimate horror -- hetsex involving your fake!Celeb. Accidentally walking in on Aragorn screwing that nasty gold-digger Arwen -- with their adopted children in the next room,no less! -- is the stuff of too many nightmares for you to risk that happening to your fake!Celeb. We can all take a lesson from the tragic tale of Sean Astin, who got married and had kids before anyone could react, and so his hawt gay love for Elijah was struck a near-mortal blow. Pity him.

So create a crisis, oppress a few people, get yourself Fandom_Wank-ed, and congrats! you're now a fake!Celeb BNF. Have fun. If you're lucky, soon the fake!Celebs will be able to charge 10 bucks a pop for autographs, and plaster casts of their dicks or boobs will be available on eBay. Or, as in Sean Bean's case, both.

Never forget: this is not a real celebrity....s/he just plays one on the Internet.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

Re: Creating a fake!Celeb 2 - [info]ashenmote, 2005-01-17 11:52 pm UTC
Re: Creating a fake!Celeb 2 - [info]cathowl, 2005-01-17 11:53 pm UTC
Re: Creating a fake!Celeb 2 - [info]aloysius, 2005-01-18 01:49 am UTC
Re: Creating a fake!Celeb 2 - (Anonymous), 2005-01-18 01:55 am UTC
Re: Creating a fake!Celeb 2 - [info]sorchar, 2005-01-18 06:51 am UTC
Re: Creating a fake!Celeb 2 - [info]shadownlite, 2005-01-18 08:26 am UTC
Re: Creating a fake!Celeb 2 - [info]rachel_04, 2005-01-18 06:20 pm UTC

(Anonymous)
2005-01-18 01:39 am UTC (link)
Jarl Benson was an elf in LOTR?

::Looks up on Google::

Oh, he was that elf that, despite what Topp says, I refuse to acknowledge as Glorfindel.

::looks some more::

And as far as I can tell, that's his only claim to fame. At least Bret "Figwit" McKenzie has a band.

sarcastic_elf on LJ

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]bobomagicksock
2005-01-18 04:25 am UTC (link)
see now i thought the whole point of increasing arwen's role in the films was to do away with glorfindel all together.

instead he's reduced to random elf number 35 or something?

(Reply to this)(Parent)

(no subject) - [info]arielchan, 2005-01-18 06:27 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]jaseroque, 2005-01-18 09:34 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]jaseroque, 2005-01-18 09:38 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]jaseroque, 2005-01-18 09:42 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]singe, 2005-01-19 07:12 am UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2005-01-18 08:26 pm UTC

[info]iczer6
2005-01-18 03:30 am UTC (link)
I'm not familiar with this person but did he actually have long hair, or do his fans think that the hair he had in LoTR was real?

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]jess_d_ripper, 2005-01-18 03:39 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]bobomagicksock, 2005-01-18 04:27 am UTC

(Deleted post)
(no subject) - [info]pokecheck, 2005-01-18 10:31 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]mrbimble, 2005-01-18 05:23 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]jennyjujubug, 2005-01-18 03:43 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]ashenmote, 2005-01-18 05:32 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]pokecheck, 2005-01-18 05:41 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]bobomagicksock, 2005-01-18 08:30 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]pokecheck, 2005-01-18 10:22 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]bobomagicksock, 2005-01-18 10:49 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]pokecheck, 2005-01-18 11:35 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]bobomagicksock, 2005-01-18 11:48 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]pokecheck, 2005-01-18 12:03 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]bobomagicksock, 2005-01-18 12:19 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]pokecheck, 2005-01-18 12:23 pm UTC

(Anonymous)
2005-01-18 04:31 am UTC (link)
Your icon is the best thing ever.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]singe, 2005-01-18 07:22 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]ashenmote, 2005-01-18 09:13 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]singe, 2005-01-19 01:52 am UTC

[info]sorchar
2005-01-18 06:49 am UTC (link)
We have a chick like that in wrestling fandom. I swear she's got a weird hair fetish. Anytime one of the boys with long hair cuts it short, she loses all respect for him and rants exceeding about laziness, conformity, and why short hair is the devil.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]singe, 2005-01-18 07:24 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]bubosquared, 2005-01-18 12:37 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]singe, 2005-01-19 01:46 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]bubosquared, 2005-01-19 12:58 pm UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2005-01-19 09:31 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]singe, 2005-01-20 01:36 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]nevadafighter, 2005-01-18 07:55 am UTC

(Anonymous)
2005-01-18 05:47 pm UTC (link)
This dude just stood there in elf makeup and he gets his own horde of fangirls? Huh.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]shadownlite, 2005-01-19 03:10 am UTC

  
   
Privacy Policy - COPPA
Legal Disclaimer - Site Map