Baby-sized Dave Matthews wank
So, I know that looking for wank at IMDb is like shooting fish in a barrell, but, this couldn't be passed up.

Outside of Kurt Cobain and Tori Amos, there's not a mainstream musician who seems to attract wanky fans (and non-fans) like Dave Matthews. And I figured that when Because of Winn-Dixie came out, the spooge would probably not be too far behind it, given his performance in (oh NOES!) a kid's movie.

I was right.

In a thread titled Why Dave Why?????, niftychick80011 asks "dave, you're such a good musician, why be in such a sappy, cheesy movie? the dog smiles for crying out loud. go back and make some more albums instead of kiddie movies."

Poppy22, after the usual "Why are you hanging out at this board if you hate the movie," schpiel, points out "BTW, his first movie was a cheesy sappy movie, too. Based on a book of the same name. I'll let you find out what that one is. Guess he has some sappy cheesy parts of his personality, huh?"

mistakenforbacon, says something about a rumor about "why he's doing these movies," which I don't get myself. Anyone care to enlighten a girl?

There's some talk about him doing it for his three-year-old twin daughters, also some nattering about him doing it to cover his legal fees for the Bus Poo Incident (which may be the rumor, maybe?), and then along comes shgrdii.

"The original poster is incorrect, Dave Matthews is not a good musician. Dave Matthews is a guy who tells his tour bus driver to dump poop on people. WHy does everyone think Dave Mattews is so cool, and why do you call him 'Dave', Do you know him personally? Then don't call him just by his *beep* first name if you don't know him. DMB is crap."

Oh noes, shgrdii dared to slam The Dave. And DMB_Lover comes out swinging. Oh noes, shgrdii is a troll.

And on and on. shgrdii says this: "I just like real musical talent such as The Beatles, Ray Charles, Chuck Berry, Jimi Hendrix, Radiohead, Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, etc." and the Radiohead mention sends more people in to froth at the mouth.

joFFeman says "i was with you until you mentioned radiohead.."

aaaaand they're off again.

(Post a new comment)

	annaham 2005-02-24 05:52 am UTC (link)
	Ha ha, the Bus Poop Incident. Good times. (Reply to this)(Thread)

	smo 2005-02-24 06:27 am UTC (link)
	Okay, I'll bite. What exactly happened? (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

miss_kitten
2005-02-24 06:33 am UTC (link)

A DMB tour bus was in Chicago for a show, and while the bus passed over a bridge on the river, the bus driver let loose a few gallons of shit, piss, and whatever else happened to be in the septic tank. Just so happened that a tour boat was passing underneath the bridge as the sewage was dumped. Many people pooped on, much talk of lawsuit, city of Chicago decides to make a special task force to guard against poop on boats, etc. etc. etc. Dave Matthews Band is ultimately held responsible and apologizes even though there is some doubt as to who employed the bus driver or whether they knew he was going to dump the shit and it's all a big bunch of RL wank.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	amasaglajax 2005-02-24 08:16 am UTC (link)
	One of the tour guide people was a member of Something Awful and posted the story there, too. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	smo 2005-02-24 02:12 pm UTC (link)
	Truth: invariably stranger than fiction. (Reply to this)(Parent)

(Anonymous)
2005-02-24 06:36 am UTC (link)

In a nutshell, a DMB tour bus heads over a bridge that spans the Chicago River. Bus driver pushes a button that releases the waste from the bus and it drops on a boatload of tourists on the river below.
DMB were not on that bus. The driver is being blamed for the incident by the law out here. But of course, lawsuits against the band by the people on the boat have begun to crop up now. This happened last summer.

anonymouse from near Chicago out

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	smo 2005-02-24 02:11 pm UTC (link)
	So that wasn't even an intentional dumping of poo on people, and the people were just regular tourists and not even DMB fans? That's... some people need to get over themselves. (Reply to this)(Parent)

Things this wank is teaching me:

cathowl
2005-02-24 05:59 am UTC (link)

1. Bands and musicians you don't like are always bad, and if other people like them, they don't have any taste in music.
2. If someone's going to be in a sappy movie, they must be doing it for some hidden reason. Not, y'know, because of something simple like money.
3. I should never, ever get involved in a music fandom. Those people are bloody bonkers.

...I don't ever want to learn the details of the Bus Poop Incident. I'll remain happily ignorant, thank you.

(Reply to this)

	myalchod 2005-02-24 06:07 am UTC (link)
	... I continue to be amazed by the sheer amount of wank that comes from the IMDB boards. And then I remember why I stopped reading them. Agh. (Reply to this)

	chaimonkey 2005-02-24 06:23 am UTC (link)
	Cheesy movies and spooge do not a good smell make. (Reply to this)

	mydruthers 2005-02-24 06:28 am UTC (link)
	Aw, but Dave is so cute! pinches cheeks (Reply to this)

	icon love (Anonymous) 2005-02-24 07:30 am UTC (link)
	Sifl and Olly ruled. Is that show on DVD yet? (Reply to this)(Thread)

	Re: icon love (Anonymous) 2005-02-24 04:20 pm UTC (link)
	/signed. Icon SQUEE! [walks off humming the theme song] (Reply to this)(Parent)

	skarrow 2005-02-24 09:07 am UTC (link)
	[my boy band is butcher than your boy band wank] ...you know, when Till Lindemann was a bumbling villain in "Amundsen, der Pinguin" the Rammstein fandom just giggled and went along with it. And no offense to DM fans, but my boy Lindemann has a liiiittle more macho-street-cred to lose than Dave Matthews. [/my boy band is butcher than your boy band wank] (Reply to this)(Thread)

	skarrow 2005-02-24 09:08 am UTC (link)
	Damn, why do I never catch these things until I hit Post?... butch-er. More butch. ...though butcher is also appropriate. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	wankismyfandom 2005-02-24 02:50 pm UTC (link)
	Word. When Tori Amos was a lounge singer in Mona Lisa Smile, I don't remember wank like this (although I could be wrong). And when you're wanking more than TORI'S fandom, there is a problem. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	annabelle_lee 2005-02-25 04:13 am UTC (link)
	IMDB board!wank is just like watching a mouse run a maze. I can't tear my eyes away from it and I keep laughing when someone says something really stupid. [goes to listen to DMB CDs] Thank god I'd never known there was a fandom for the group online til now. I probably would have cried if I had. (Reply to this)

	monkeywrench 2005-02-25 05:30 pm UTC (link)
	i was with you until you mentioned radiohead.. It is physically impossible for most human beings to have a neutral opinion on Radiohead. Thom Yorke is either The God of Music or an Evil Dog-raping Fetus-eating Tentacled Leprechaun. (Reply to this)