The mother of all Slayers Wanks...
*Zanne, this one's for you! You *said* you wanted to see some Slayers Wank!* *annoying blow-by-blow commentary provided so you don't have to wade through several months' worth of Mailing List posts* This one's got everything: flames, sockpuppets, shipping, heroin, trolling, character bashing, snuff fics, BNF's ganging up on a troll, childhood abuse, hermaphrodites, SI/Mary Sue authors, and Hitler!

It started innocently enough. I guess.

In July of 2001, Li-chan, a girl on the The Demon and Dragon ML, a rather docile little mailing list for people who like the Xellos/Filia pairing in Slayers, received a weird review on FF.net. It said something like: "As a character expose, it relies on an invented premise.... to show another invented turmoil in Xelloss." Watch a few fangirls get pissed.
Well... yeah. One *does* have to 'invent' a premise for a fanfic, thus causing an 'invented' turmoil... So, whatever.

But the wank keeps on going! A few days later, Elf *sorta one of our cultish Xellia BNF's* gets a review from GUTB, herself. There is much explaining and calm discussion among the group members about 'canon' and so forth... And Jen tells everyone to calm down and relax...

And then Elf gets a reply from GUTB, and adds her own snarky comments, a bunch of other people start a thread, somewhere tea is likened to an orgasm, and the wackiness continues. Lots of fun topics also pop up for discussion, like how Xellos can impregnate a human woman *or a dragon*, Machiavelli's "The Prince", GUTB is likened to Hitler, a really bizarre canon Mazoku love story involving GUTB and a tentacle beast with 20 heads *an actual Mazoku from the novels, no less!*, Mazoku being declared the third sex, and someone screaming IT'S FAN FICTION, dumb @$%! For added amusement, follow the threads at the bottom of those posts. ^_^

Then... at some point...
GUTB decides that he needs to write his own fic. What does he title this masterpiece? In-Character Xelloss and Filia. *please be aware, the fic was originally posted sometime in the early summer of 2001. He reposted it this past March, apparently in an attempt to troll for more flames. Read the reviews - they're funneh!* Not too pretentious, heavens no! Naturally, Ryo makes an open invitation to MST the thing.

And here are some various responses to GUTB's story and him in general. Then he posts something retarded on some other ML and the wanking starts all over again! Someone even suggests inviting him to the Mailing List just for the fuck of it. Which is eventually rendered a mute point, because as soon as the conversations turn away from GUTB, some random lurker *sockpuppet? maybe?* points out GUTB is already there! Uh oh!
Well, seeing as how he's already reading, BJ asks the eternal question: "So, is Guy Under the Bridge actually a reference to the fact that you are a troll, or is it about heroin?" Elf then tells everyone to calm down because GUTB is listening.

And just when you think it's over, and a week or so goes by without a mention of him, GUTB posts his formal introduction! Guess he got tired of not getting any attention... Ryo notes that she forgot to post a MST of his fic, does so, and is rebutted with "Your MST sucks, because my prose are rock solid" *snort* Priceless. And Ryo tells him so. Several long, boring posts go by about dragon birthrates and how silly knowledge of actual anthropology has nothing to do with dragons! Finally, Li-chan jumps up and demands that GUTB be booted from the list. Youlie does a total 180 and decides GUTB hasn't done anything wrong except trying to incite a flame war, so we shouldn't kick him off, and by doing so, nearly starts a flame war herself. *check the replies to that comment for the other wank to be had* Youlie starts getting nasty with the other members, some random lurker leaves GUTB a string of swear words, and even though Crystal Dawn is not with us, she is with us in the spirit of bashing GUTB. CD returns, also asking the mods to kick the asshat out, and finally Gubby is temp-banned!

And the wank *still* doesn't end once he's gone! Youlie gets pissed because GUTB was banned, and proceeds to yell at everyone for being fascit, elitist pigs. Irony-chan quits because she's sick of hearing this crap, (the link isn't to an actual post she made, because she left without saying anything) and finally, after giving everyone her whole, sad life story, Youlie quits, never to be heard from again.

And peace and quiet returned to the land.

But I leave you with a quote from my dear friend Kamo-chan on the "Let's make a GUTB-must-die page" matter:

Ya know, I just might do that... along with the "Michael the Red Priest and Oscar the Hermaphroditic Super Saiyan United in Love!" shrine I was thinking of doing... a piccie of Rezo with Darien's head glued on next to Goku with a fawning Artemis, standard mushy shrine stuff to the effect that the two are a match made in heaven (or some otherworldly realm at least).

ETA=> found the shrine Jamie was threatening the world with. It's here, if anyone wants to look!