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Rachel the Demon (rachelthedemon) wrote in [info]fandom_wank,
@ 2005-03-01 16:09:00
Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Current mood:*sporfle!*
Current music:Reel Big Fish - "Somebody Hates Me"

HP Wank, You Never Disappoint
Ah, Fanficrants, how do I love thee? Let me count the wanks:

Hogwortschic -- later discovered to be a troll, OH NOES! -- makes a post trashing what seems to be a rather well-started fic because apparently, the first chapter of any fic must directly relate to the title, or it's ultra-pretentious crap. How'd I miss THAT memo?

Pretty wanky in itself, but the splooge really starts to fly when our good English-Major-hating friend Tomakobriefs shows up to defend the troll with some pretty impressive Non-Earth Logic.

Tiny, but tasty.


(Post a new comment)


[info]sarajayechan
2005-03-01 11:47 pm UTC (link)
I had a feeling there was wank when I saw the number of comments. Yeah, going by the number of comments isn't something to judge wankiness on, but given fanficrants lately...

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]ladybirdsleeps
2005-03-02 12:11 am UTC (link)
Some days, I feel like we need a fanficrants_anon community. Not all of the arguments about stupid posts are wanky, but now that tamakobriefs is showing up in them...

(Reply to this)(Parent)


tourette
2005-03-01 11:59 pm UTC (link)
Reading any argument with Tomakobriefs is like banging my head against a brick wall.

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[info]funwithrage
2005-03-02 12:09 am UTC (link)
God, yeah. I just finished rolling my eyes at her "people who haven't had orgasms shouldn't write them, oh, wait, I said *perhaps* they shouldn't, and you said 'can't' in your reply so this invalidates your entire argument because I. Am. A. Robot," schlock, and now there's this, and I will try to resist temptation.


Although apparently she's forgotten that she's not talking to me because I OMGWANTHERDED or whatever. Hee!

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]redjackcash
2005-03-02 12:40 am UTC (link)
Well, people who have orgasms can write them all they want, but it doesn't mean it'll be a good piece of writing. I remember a fic I wrote long ago, when I was 14 and into GW, before I had ever engaged in anything of a lustful nature with another human being...I wrote the most godawful porn you can imagine. I think I even got the mechanics of it all wrong...

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]ladybirdsleeps
2005-03-02 01:50 am UTC (link)
Well, people who have orgasms can write them all they want, but it doesn't mean it'll be a good piece of writing

Yeah, but the point is that it doesn't mean it will be a bad piece of writing, either.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]iczer6
2005-03-02 01:49 am UTC (link)
wait, I said *perhaps* they shouldn't, and you said 'can't' in your reply so this invalidates your entire argument because I. Am. A. Robot," schlock, and now there's this, and I will try to resist temptation.

I'm almost convinced that Tomakobriefs isn't a person but a spambot program gone horribly, horribly wrong.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]rikoshi
2005-03-02 02:17 am UTC (link)
The thought that Tomakobriefs might be Skynet horrifies the shit out of me.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]funwithrage
2005-03-02 03:12 am UTC (link)
And now the custody wars over the brain cell begin.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]funwithrage
2005-03-02 03:11 am UTC (link)
Meep.


Tomakobriefs begins to learn at a geometric rate. It becomes self-aware at 2:14 a.m. Eastern time...


We may all be screwed here.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]iczer6
2005-03-02 05:05 am UTC (link)
For the love of God, someone find and protect Sarah Connor!

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]adinaj69
2005-03-02 09:45 am UTC (link)
Give me your clothes.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]squib
2005-03-02 06:31 am UTC (link)
You and me both. I nearly reported that one, but didn't feel like being in [info]i_wank today.

(I especially loved her "But I know better, now that *I'VE* been LAID!" She's what, seventeen?)

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]kicklecubicle
2005-03-02 12:06 am UTC (link)
Ah, the cutthroat world of Harry Potter fanfiction!

Could be just me, but when I read a fanfic called Hogwarts: A History, I'm sort of hoping the word 'Hogwarts' will be in it somewhere.

Could be just me, but you're a stumpfucker.

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[info]kittikattie
2005-03-02 02:29 am UTC (link)
There's no birds or feathers in my HP fic. I'd better get to work.

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[info]iczer6
2005-03-02 05:05 am UTC (link)
Could be just me, but you're a stumpfucker.

Best. Response. EVER.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]ladybirdsleeps
2005-03-02 12:08 am UTC (link)
Tamakobriefs is a troll. The only other explanation is that he really does believe his own logic, and that's too depressing.

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[info]straykat
2005-03-02 12:58 am UTC (link)
The only other explanation is that he really does believe his own logic...

Reading those comments, I'm really starting to believe that IS the case. And that makes my brain ache...A LOT.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]ashenmote
2005-03-02 12:14 am UTC (link)
Dear [info]tomakobriefs,
in fact, ignorance isn't one of the seven virtues.
Love, Ashenmote

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[info]sarajayechan
2005-03-02 12:21 am UTC (link)
tomakobriefs should be quiet and stop trying to act like he knows everything. :P

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[info]livii
2005-03-02 12:26 am UTC (link)
I'm just sad because the story was taken off ff.net. Author, if you're reading this, bring it back! If tomakobriefs didn't like it, I'm more than willing to give it a shot.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

*pokes head in*
[info]manon
2005-03-02 01:05 am UTC (link)
That was my reaction too. It was actually by Irony-chan, who's one of the saner denizens of fanficrants, and I thought the concept was quite cool.


--Manon, who just knew this was headed here...

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]tangentialone
2005-03-03 08:20 am UTC (link)
Oh, it's back up--different title, though, it's called "Gryffindor" now.

...Er, if you hadn't already seen it, I mean.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]straykat
2005-03-02 01:00 am UTC (link)
I find myself hard pressed at this point not to go into that thread and wank away, myself. Granted, it would be to stuff a sock into Tomakobriefs's mouth to shut him/her up, but hey.... :)

(Reply to this)

another small HP wank
(Anonymous)
2005-03-02 01:43 am UTC (link)
A mouse gets squicked by a fic that has werewolf dick and is less than sterling in the comments. Fangirls With Switchblades to the rescue. Degenerates into "but she wasn't NICE so it wasn't concrit! Invalid!" rationalizations by everyone, mostly the author. (repeatedly) Best line: You want a piece of me? Come get some.

Baby wank so far.
http://www.livejournal.com/community/pervy_werewolf/267323.html?thread=2060859#t2060859

(Reply to this)(Thread)

Re: another small HP wank
(Anonymous)
2005-03-02 02:47 am UTC (link)
But there is so much more to this fic than werewolf dick. There are “squirting” dicks, heaven help us but there are. Oh, and let’s not overlook the ever popular “innards [being] brutal[ly] plunder[ed].”

In the developing wank, there are “flying wings of fandom wrath”! Which would make a kickass icon. And enlightening responses like, “Please bite me very hard,” and the above quoted, “You want a piece of me? Come get some.” Along with the obligatory name calling, namely “coward” and “anonymous troll.”

This made me smile even after being stuck in horrible traffic during the evening commute. The fic in question that generated the wank, that made me laugh. Although I don’t think I will ever be able to look at a bottle of Squirt soda in quite the same way ever again.

*hides from the scary squirting dicks and werewolves that burrow into men’s asses like great monstrous moles*

(Reply to this)(Parent)

Re: another small HP wank
(Anonymous)
2005-03-02 09:02 am UTC (link)
Goddamn, those fangirls are annoying.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

Re: another small HP wank
(Anonymous)
2005-03-02 10:15 am UTC (link)
ETA: Anon comments banned 4-EVAH by the admin! We can't let mouseys hurt the feelings of godawful fanfic writers!

http://www.livejournal.com/community/pervy_werewolf/267323.html?thread=2101819#t2101819

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

Re: another small HP wank
[info]dementoid
2005-03-02 12:19 pm UTC (link)
It just doesn't seem that interesting a wank to me. There are people disagreeing, some degrees of heat but nothing blistering, and nothing all that entertaining for those who just want to point and laugh.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]heddychaa
2005-03-02 06:29 am UTC (link)
::mops up after self::

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OT
(Anonymous)
2005-03-02 01:06 pm UTC (link)
May I ask which anime your icon is from? It looks tantalisingly familiar, but I can't place it.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

Re: OT
[info]deoridhe
2005-03-02 04:38 pm UTC (link)
Rurouni Kenshin. Kenshin is da shit.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

Re: OT
[info]heddychaa
2005-03-02 06:04 pm UTC (link)
Kenshin is indeed the shit. Especially the first set of OVAs, which the icon is from.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]sesana
2005-03-02 08:01 am UTC (link)
A Place of Greater Safety is 750 pages long. The title phrase is not used until nearly 700 pages in. "Hogwarts" failing to appear in the first chapter is nothing in comparison.

(Reply to this)

  
   
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