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Loopywafflehead ([info]loopywafflehead) wrote in [info]fandom_wank,
@ 2005-04-01 15:57:00


Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Britney lays the smackdown!
Don’t you go making Britney mad! She’ll say something incomprehensible about you!

Small but fun. Full text behind cut. Enjoy!

From Defamer.com:

Britney Spears’ Media Criticism Of Truth

Apparently flush with hormones from her rumored pregnancy, Britney Spears once again has found the inspiration to post another Missive of Truth on her website. This time, she dabbles in media criticism, urging the celebrity journalism industry to indulge in the kind of introspection that has made her one of her generation’s most influential thinkers, penning an open letter to “False Tabloids”:

Dear False Tabloids,
As you read this letter, I bet you are asking yourself: Who? Who, me? Am I a false tabloid? Well, I don’t know. But after this posting, I hope you are asking yourself a lot of questions. Your employees are a reflection of your magazine. Do you, Us Weekly, In Touch, Star and other desperate magazines want employees who are honest, or those who are liars? It seems to me that you’d prefer the latter.
I’m really concerned about the people you hire to work at your companies. I’d like them to ask themselves the question, “What am I lying to myself about?” Is it that you are 50 pounds overweight? Is it that your children aren’t making wise decisions? Or is it maybe that your husband or boyfriend is cheating on you? Until you face what is going on in your life, I guess you’ll remain a false tabloid.

Britney

P.S. People Magazine is great in my book!


We were right there with her, even audibly yelping “You go, Brit Brit! Tell ‘em girl!” three or four times…until we reached her postscript. But we suppose it’s good thing that she can’t sustain such an intense level of fist-pumping rhetoric for long, otherwise we might be tempted to swear off eating, shave off all of our body hair, and follow her around like the modern prophet she’s so close to becoming.



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[info]ashenmote
2005-04-01 04:22 pm UTC (link)
after this posting, I hope you are asking yourself a lot of questions.

Success, and I'm not even a tabloid.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]ashenmote, 2005-04-01 05:16 pm UTC

[info]senor_pinata
2005-04-01 04:35 pm UTC (link)
Come no, Britney. Don't like, don't read.

(Reply to this)


(Anonymous)
2005-04-01 04:38 pm UTC (link)
At first I thought it was an April Fools' thing, but then I realised it's dated 30th March. *sighs*

I wonder what she was actually trying to say...

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]carlanime, 2005-04-01 07:17 pm UTC

[info]simkin_mouse
2005-04-01 04:44 pm UTC (link)
after this posting, I hope you are asking yourself a lot of questions.

Yes, a lot of questions, like: did you fuck your English teacher in order to get that passing grade, or did he just give it to you once you promised to shut your mouth and STOP "singing"?

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]the_clansmen, 2005-04-01 08:30 pm UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2005-04-02 10:51 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]the_clansmen, 2005-04-02 09:42 pm UTC

[info]phosfate
2005-04-01 04:46 pm UTC (link)
Remember, kids: being overweight makes people lie.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

Mmmmm- - (Anonymous), 2005-04-01 05:15 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]misswindy, 2005-04-03 01:08 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]backfromspace, 2005-04-04 04:39 am UTC
**looks up from Weekly World News**
(Anonymous)
2005-04-01 05:13 pm UTC (link)
Waddaminute?

Tabloids LIE TO ME???


Oh fick me!

I - I feel so VIOLATED.


**resumes reading article on Star Trek Geek getting booty**

(Reply to this)


[info]schtroumph_c
2005-04-01 05:27 pm UTC (link)
Is it that you are 50 pounds overweight? Is it that your children aren’t making wise decisions? Or is it maybe that your husband or boyfriend is cheating on you? Until you face what is going on in your life, I guess you’ll remain a false tabloid.

I love when celebrities use the "you're fat and you have no life!" line.

It helps to take them seriously.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]llama_treats, 2005-04-01 05:37 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]skarrow, 2005-04-01 06:01 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]tyraarane_, 2005-04-01 07:06 pm UTC
(no subject) - coreopsis, 2005-04-02 04:26 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]alina_kalime, 2005-04-02 05:23 am UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2005-04-02 05:59 am UTC

[info]kicklecubicle
2005-04-01 05:36 pm UTC (link)
Buh...uh...guh...I hate Britney Spears. I hate those magazines.

I DON'T KNOW WHO TO SIDE WITH! *incomprehensible sobbing*

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]the_clansmen, 2005-04-01 08:29 pm UTC

[info]msmanna
2005-04-01 05:46 pm UTC (link)
Wow.

I have no words for how very much I love Britney. No words at all. And I'm not even being sarcastic. She's simply glorious.

(Reply to this)


[info]isobelsomething
2005-04-01 06:14 pm UTC (link)
I didn't realise she was that pissed about being called fat.

(Reply to this)


[info]lurker32
2005-04-01 06:54 pm UTC (link)
I make a point of reading only the true tabloids, myself.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]llama_treats, 2005-04-01 07:05 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]kalicephirot, 2005-04-02 02:42 am UTC

[info]sesana
2005-04-01 06:57 pm UTC (link)
Am I a false tabloid?

I saw that on Quizilla once.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]ashenmote, 2005-04-01 08:36 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]sesana, 2005-04-02 06:51 am UTC

[info]warchio
2005-04-01 08:03 pm UTC (link)
Bizarrely when I was reading that my brain rearranged the words so it read:

Your employees are a reflection of the magazine. Do you touch yourself weekly?

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]the_clansmen, 2005-04-01 08:28 pm UTC

[info]the_clansmen
2005-04-01 08:27 pm UTC (link)
...That was way funnier than it had any right to be.

(Reply to this)


[info]sitt_isis
2005-04-01 08:46 pm UTC (link)
Dear Britney,

While you're reading this, I bet you might be asking yourself, "was I ever taught to write comprehensibly?" Well, I don't know. But I hope you are asking yourself a lot of questions.
I'm really concerned about how you express yourself. I would like to ask you the question, "can you read what you posted and comprehend the point?"
Until you face this, your posts will only result in, "Bwah?," "WTF?!," "bitch, please," eye-rolling, and/or pointing & laughing.

Everyone

P.S. Comprehensible sentences are great in my book!

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]marumae, 2005-04-04 01:30 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]sitt_isis, 2005-04-05 01:56 am UTC

(Anonymous)
2005-04-01 09:45 pm UTC (link)
You know, my brain actually tried to make sense of that for minute, before it realised that this was the girl who said 'I'd like to star in someplace small, like London or England', and then realised that expecting her to make sense at all at any time is going to leave me disappointed.

(Reply to this)


[info]jennilee
2005-04-01 09:53 pm UTC (link)
Hey, I've been using that River icon a lot on my LJ, but I don't know who to credit for it.

In your keywords, it says river brain by "awe".

Is this this awe on LJ? It doesn't seem likely, but there isn't an awe on JF.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]loopywafflehead, 2005-04-01 11:06 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]jennilee, 2005-04-02 08:00 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]rachelmap, 2005-04-02 09:52 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]loopywafflehead, 2005-04-02 01:17 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]jennilee, 2005-04-02 10:42 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]ninja_stripper, 2005-04-02 07:25 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]jennilee, 2005-04-02 10:39 pm UTC

[info]shoiryu
2005-04-01 09:55 pm UTC (link)
I... feel sorry for her. She is, to all "inner" reports I've heard, a sweet girl, just... extremely, /extremely/ stupid, and currently going through some kind of amazing weird life-crisis.

Man.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]msmanna, 2005-04-02 01:59 am UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2005-04-02 04:55 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]ninja_stripper, 2005-04-02 07:30 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]msmanna, 2005-04-02 11:28 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]kookaburra, 2005-04-02 11:45 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]ninja_stripper, 2005-04-02 11:54 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]kookaburra, 2005-04-03 06:26 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]ninja_stripper, 2005-04-02 11:50 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]msmanna, 2005-04-03 12:27 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]ninja_stripper, 2005-04-03 02:39 am UTC

[info]littlest_lurker
2005-04-02 12:20 am UTC (link)
Do you, Us Weekly, In Touch, Star and other desperate magazines want employees who are honest, or those who are liars?

Truly a koan for the ages.

(Reply to this)


[info]onmyforehead
2005-04-02 12:58 am UTC (link)
I’d like them to ask themselves the question, “What am I lying to myself about?” Is it that you are 50 pounds overweight? Is it that your children aren’t making wise decisions? Or is it maybe that your husband or boyfriend is cheating on you?

Isn't she breaking a jurisprudence law? Is jurisprudence even the correct spelling?

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - cicer, 2005-04-02 06:28 am UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2005-04-02 09:32 pm UTC

[info]aerobot
2005-04-02 03:27 am UTC (link)
The fact that this stupid git makes more money in a day than I ever will in my lifetime makes me weep bitter, bitter tears.

Why are we paying the stupid people?! WHY!? *sobs*

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]loopywafflehead, 2005-04-02 10:16 pm UTC

[info]mastervex
2005-04-02 08:27 am UTC (link)
Oh, Britney.

(Reply to this)


[info]isntitironic
2005-04-02 09:12 am UTC (link)
I'm amazed the 'Chainsaw of Natural Selection' icon has yet to make an appearance here.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2005-04-02 09:34 pm UTC

[info]mydemand
2005-04-02 10:04 am UTC (link)
Am I the only person who understood her perfectly?

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]annabelle_lee, 2005-04-02 11:54 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]ashenmote, 2005-04-02 12:26 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]backfromspace, 2005-04-04 04:41 am UTC

[info]hypercubed
2005-04-02 05:16 pm UTC (link)
If Star is a "false tabloid", does that make Weekly World News a real one? Does that mean that Bat Boy is real? EEEK.

*G*

(Reply to this)(Thread)

Batboy+Britany=OTP - (Anonymous), 2005-04-02 07:30 pm UTC
Re: Batboy+Britany=OTP - [info]hypercubed, 2005-04-03 03:41 am UTC


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