May the splooge be with you...always...
Star Wars Line Wank!

So, a small and dedicated group of Star Wars fans have once again congregated in front of Grauman's Chinese Theatre to line up for the premiere of George's latest attempt to milk a 30 year old franchise for all it's worth offering, Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith. They even have a website. There's a forum on said website.



themultiplex kicks it off with the shocking news that the Chinese theater may not be playing Episode III at all:

I hate to be the bearer of bad news but...

as of today it's official, Star Wars Episode III will NOT be playing at the Chinese theatre. Not at the Grauman's, not at the Chinese six. Nada.

Instead it was booked down the street at the Arclight instead. I have some friends who work over there and it was confirmed sometime in the afternoon. Why it's not at the Chinese is hard to say. Word is that Mann wouldn't let it stay in Grauman's for more than one week or something, and that wasn't cool with Lucas and/or Fox.

Who knows if it will be on the dome or not. And if it is in the dome, will it be digital? I'm told that, since the dome isn't THX certified it could just play in their regular houses.

Of course, this ruins the whole lining up at the Chinese idea. I'm a longtime lurker of this site, but I figured I'd share this news. I doubt Arclight will let you line up, and it would be pointless with the reserved seating and all. So I guess the question now is "where to?"

The regulars are skeptical, offering up reasons as varied as "this is exactly what happened to the first two films and they ended up at the Chinese anyway!!! Behold the power of George!!!" to some sort of logical discourse involving the differences between theaters that I don't quite understand.

Then Obi Geewhyen pipes in with:

In a way, the possibility that this whole thing may not happen has made me see what a sham it is for me. I'm in it for the lineup only, and don't give a darn about the conclusion of this lackluster, so-called "Star Wars" series. On the other hand, the possibility that this whole thing may not happen has really cured me of the pre-Line burn-out I've been experiencing through too many meetings, emails and construction sessions. I have been so immersed in preparing for the Line that I've grown tired of it before it's begun. But now that it may never begin, my burn-out is gone and I want it more than ever.

I'm gonna need therapy.

Darth Astuart attempts to put the whole thing in perspective:

WE ARE THE LINE.

the veterans KNOW how great and inspiring and fun and habit-forming and friend-creating the line can be; the newbies will pick up that vibe and run with it. THAT is the line. in a sense, it has nothing to do with the movie.

and from JediAdmin:

A true Star Wars premiere for me is WHEREVER MY FELLOW LINING UP PEEPS ARE.

You seem to think that because Arclight has some signed contract that it is the end all be all conclusion to this.

YOU GREATLY UNDERESTIMATE THE POWERS OF LININGUP.NET....

BEGUN THE THEATER WARS HAS!

Yes, ph33r their superior ability to...mill about in an organized group?

Darth Ekajgib, who claims to work for the Empire Arclight Theaters, has this to say about the whole thing:

Instead of dissing other Star Wars fans who happen to work at Arclight, you could consider joining forces and having it be a great time. After all I seem to remember that was the point of being a fan. I didn't realize that you cornered the market on being an excited fan. Excuse me for taking up precious space on your planet.

And then comes the post that had me headdesking all the way over to F_W:

From Obi Geewhyen:

Nothing personal, Darth Ekajgib, but we are going to fight an exclusive Dome booking with every tool in our arsenal. If we have to bring cancer-ridden kids down to the line for the cameras, then we will.

Um, no.

But we are not above using our charity angle as ammunition. No one likes to be seen @#$% sick children on national TV.

Enter the troll: ObiSpamDooley!

Congratulations- this no brained tool has gotten you guys posted on DEFAMER.com where thousands of people in Hollywood in the last hour have read of your plight and made plans to throw balloons filled with piss at you as they speed by. I know I have. Somehow equating sick children with your demented obsession for a defunct religion like the Sith sums up nicely your faith in THE LINE. Unless you beat ObiGee like a stuffed pinata till his guts spew forth, you should expect nothing but mockery and gesturing from the public. I doubt LFL will get involved now. Good one, turd for brains!

Obi Geewhyen counters with:

Yeah, it's my personal opinion that the fact that we are raising money for a worthy charity involving services to children should be used to our advantage, just as our efforts are being used for theirs.

If we are "exploiting" them to secure our spot on the sidewalk and make our presence cool with the local businesses and authorities, and to make us seem less despicable and retarded to 99% of the passers-by who talk to us on the street, then by that logic Starlight is "exploiting" us by raking in tens of thousands of dollars through our efforts.

And the wank is still going on!

The OP returns with a reality check:

What world are you living in? This is hardly some kind of dose of bad publicity for the Chinese, and no one will think twice about any kind of news story that comes out of it. How is the Chinese or Fox to blame for that fact that you're lining up at the wrong theatre?! Neither company owes you anything, nor do they need to worry if they lose your business. Tickets not bought by you will be bought by other people in the same amount of time. You're doing it for charity, that's fantastic, but that's not Fox's problem. Youn can line up for charity at any theatre. If anything I picture news stories where you end up looking like idiots. What makes a more interesting story on the 11 o'clock news? Star Wars fans lining up for charity...again, or Star Wars fans knowingly lining up at the wrong theatre? I know the average viewer would rather point and laugh and the silly nerds lining up at the wrong theatre.

So the Chinese theater is the Rebel Alliance. The Arclight Dome Theater is the Empire and I'm over in the corner munching on those new Dark Chocolate Star Wars M&Ms.