small morsel of fossilized star trek wank
while innocently canvassing teh internets for a vaguely-remembered report that the actor responsible for ds9's garak made him gay on purpose¹, i accidentally stumbled on this priceless piece of one guy's "carefully-considered and well-supported perspective" on whether slash belongs in star trek (in case you haven't already smelled the ending, he's not homophobic, but for the most part those characters just aren't gay).

"is slash really trek?"

his "non-homophobic" "characterization-based" anti-slash position is admittedly the 1,600,042nd verse and pretty much the same as the first, but i thought he had some particularly funny condescending turns of phrase. also, the essay's relatively short on the tl;dr and should go down with just a spoonful of sugar or cherry lube, your choice.

(p.s.: and for once, the characters are being hijacked and not raped.)


my pitiful attempt at background, and some samples.
apparently this essay was widely published some years ago, back when fandom flourished mainly on mailing lists, and caused lots of kerfluffles at the time. from my own experience of trek[smut] mailing lists, i can well imagine that these kerfluffles were richly wanky. i bet they were also painfully interminable, but alas, i don't know where to find them.

a quick gander at his website gives some idea what they must have been like:

Below are links to a series of Trek essays I've written. They are opinionated and infuriating—in large part because I'm invariably correct, and those of differing perspectives hate being forced to slink away, having abandoned their stances in the face of superior logic and rhetoric.

And now that I've got you all riled up.... here are the collected rants I've chosen to repost. I'm sure there's something in here to offend, or at least irritate. If not, email me and I'll compose one specifically designed to piss you off.

a few samples from the essay itself:

"Let’s look at the above relationships objectively, without an agenda to push or an axe to grind."

"Hate to tell you, slashers, but … if Kirk’s animal side didn’t go hunting down Spock to “get wit’ ‘im” then, it means that proposed attraction is just not there. All the wishful thinking in the galaxy doesn’t change the fact that these guys are both ladies’ men."

"Sorry again, slashers: Bashir likes girls; goodness knows, he “examines” quite a few of them during the series run, including both the luscious Leeta and the creamy little Ezri Dax."

"Finally, we come to Seven of Nine and Janeway. Again and again, I’ve had Voyager fanatics (usually, but not exclusively… ahem… disciples of Sappho)"

"Slash, though, when written about a Trek regular who we know isn’t gay, is not only a subversion of the established character, it’s an attempt at revisionist history… something for which, as a historian, I have little but contempt.

In short, hijacking’s a crime in the real world…

…and it’s as much a crime in fan fiction."

¹: in case your curiosity was piqued, i found it here.